Passion

Hey, so this is my first official post on YWS! Yay! I write a lot of poetry, and this is the most recent I've written (after a long absence from writing) so I was really excited when I finished. I'm pretty proud of this piece because it's so different from what I normally write (which you will see at some point ). Anyway, here it is and I hope you enjoy it.
PS--This piece is also on my blog http://www.dailyraz.blogspot.com so you should check it out there to see the reflection/reason behind it and some other stuff I've posted!

Razzleberryx,

I can see why you are proud of that peice! It was wonderful, the flow was perfect and the message was one I'm sure every writer can relate to!

I thought this poem was wonderful! I can really empathise with it as I've also taken a long break from writin, still trying to find the inspiration. I thought the imagery was great, everything was just top notch. I hope to see more good poetry. Well done!
-Matt

Heya

I'm here to review as requested. I'm not the best at reviewing poetry so I might not be able to give this a very good critique. I'll try my best though.

Red = Negatives/corrections
Blue = Things I like
Bold = My comments/suggestions

Passion

I haven’t written in a long time,
it’s been hard to feel the flow.
I haven’t written in a very long time
and how I’ve missed it so.
I don't really like this as an opening stanza. It's not that it's bad, it's just that it sounds a bit cliché to me and your rhyming feels a bit forced. It's not terrible, not at all. It's just that I think you could make it better.

The feeling,
the power
to be able to create
something from nothing.
I like this stanza better than the first one. This is mainly because you haven't got a forced rhyming scheme here. It flows nicely and I like what you're actually saying.

The beauty,
the words
all coming together
to be more than just words.
The last line here sounds a bit empty. I think that you should explain how the words you write are more than just words. Tell us how they are your emotions spilled out onto a piece of paper, or whatever.

Infinite power is mine
when I bring pen to paper.
The world is limitless
and nothing feels safer.
This stanza was pretty good. I like how you've described your emotions more vividly in this stanza and how you've described the way writing makes you feel.

It’s nice to just write
and not worry about the pattern and rhyme.
It’s nice to just feel
and not worry about losing time.
You seem to be worrying about rhymes sometimes. This stanza reminds me of the first one. The repetition and the two rhyming lines are similar.

It’s been so long
since I’ve felt this power
and I want it to stay,
to last forever.
To me, this stanza sounds a bit cliché. It's a bit of a 'I love it, I want it to last forever and never stop e.t.c.' It's the last two lines that put me off a bit really.

Help me find
a way to bottle this energy.
This passion,
this beauty,
this wonderful release of all inside.
I rather liked this stanza. Once again, you're describing your emotions.

Find me a way
to remember these words.
These lines,
these rhymes,
these wonderful signs.
This might surprise you, but I actually liked the rhyme in this stanza. The rhyme scheme didn't really sound forced at all and it was kind of catchy.

Tell me why
it makes me feel so. So what...? This sounds a bit empty as just 'so'.
Tell me why
I can’t say no.
This stanza kind of threw me off. I don't know if it's just me, but this suddenly began to sound more like a song than a poem. I think that you should consider changing this stanza, it doesn't really match the style of the rest of the poem. It's always good to keep the same style going when writing a poem.

When the thoughts become too much
and it’s time to spill over,
tell me why
These words are so….
Perfect?
Wonderful?
The best outlet imaginable?
This stanza was nice. You didn't say 'so' and just end it there! I also like how you've included the question marks and singular words near the end of the stanza. I thought that it was effective.

Maybe it’s the thrill
or the challenge to combat?
Or maybe it’s because
it’s my passion?
This is me being picky, but I don't really like the repetition of the word it's here. You use it three times, I think. It sounds kind of awkward to me.

To pursue
and follow,
not because of material gains,
material pains,
material chains.
I have mixed feelings about this one. Part of me likes the repetition, but strangely, part of me doesn't. I think that it might be because of the rhyming... I don't know. Maybe it's just me being paranoid...

But because of that one abstract organ—
The heart,
in charge of feelings so hard to understand,
so complex for our logical brain.
In charge of that feeling
that drives me to write,
drives him to run,
drives her to sing.
That feeling
of passion. Finally, a grammar mark.
As a whole, I liked this ending stanza. I liked the shape it created when you centred it, it looks good and suited what you were saying. I also like the flow of this stanza, it's not awkward and there's nothing that sounds forced in this at all.

Overall

Although I did find some negatives in this, I also found a lot of positives. When it comes down to it, I rather liked this poem. What I liked best about it, I think, is actually the idea of it. I've seen a few poems about writing itself before and I must say, yours is one of my favourites. After reading this, I can tell that you clearly have potential. Another thing that I liked about this is the way that you shaped the poem itself. I like the way you centred it and varied your line lengths. You haven't kept it boring and simple, you've been a bit more quirky when it comes to the structure of this. Having a good structure is important because that is one of the things that draws your readers into actually reading your poem. When it comes to your grammar, you didn't have any besides the last line. I can't stress you enough about how important grammar is, whether it's a poem, story, article, essay, whatever. Your spelling, on the other hand, was very good. I didn't find a single misspelled word. The same goes for your vocabulary, you didn't just use boring, everyday words. Although sometimes, it did feel a bit repetitive.

That's kind of like my main critique, come to think of it. Although this poem was well written and descriptive, it felt as though you were describing the same thing over and over again. You were describing how amazing writing is and how great it makes you feel. Describing this is fine, it's just that it was all that you were really describing. For example, you don't really have much imagery in this. There weren't any real metaphors, personifications, simile's or anything like that. To me, the imagery in a poem is very important. By creating good, effective imagery, you help make the reader fell true emotions. Describing feelings is fine as long as you balance them out with descriptions of everything else. This may sound weird, but you could describe how the ink scribbled onto a page looks so perfect and elegant. You would obviously come up with a better description by using a simile or something, but you get the idea. Do you understand what I'm trying to say here? Repetition is fine as long as you don't overuse it.

My only other real critique for this is the grammar. Like I said before, you didn't actually use any grammatical marks until the very end. Well, you used question marks at one point, come to think of it. You didn't use any commas and only one period in the entire poem. What many writers don't know is the fact that the grammar in a poem is exactly the same as the grammar in any other piece of writing. When a sentence ends, you must finish it with a period and when you need a breath during a sentence, you use a comma e.t.c. Another thing that I noticed you doing when it comes to the grammar is the fact that you started every line with a capital letter. Like I've just said, the grammar in a poem is exactly the same as the grammar in any other piece of writing. You only need a capital letter after a period or when the piece of writing actually begins.

Negatives aside, I did enjoy reading this poem. All that you need to do know is to take into consideration what I've said. After you've done that, you should edit this up a bit. If you do that, you will certainly have a great poem going here.

Keep writing,

xoxo Rhian

(I'm not an amazing poet, so don't take my review too seriously!)

Passion

I haven’t written in a long time
It’s been hard to feel the flow
I haven’t written in a very long time ...Even though I do this a lot (I'm trying to stop), the rhyming feels a little forced. But flows much more nicely than mine ever do.
And how I’ve missed it so

The feeling
The power
To be able to create I can completely relate to this feeling!
Something from nothing

The beauty
The words
All coming together When reading it as a simple fan of poetry, the last line sort of throws me off...
To be more than just words

Infinite power is mine
When I bring pen to paper
The world is limitless I like this stanza... also can relate to it.
And nothing feels safer

It’s nice to just write
And not worry about the pattern and rhyme
It’s nice to just feel I need to learn to stop worrying about patterns and rhymes, you gave me a lesson!
And not worry about losing time

It’s been so long
Since I’ve felt this power
And I want it to stay Good...
To last forever

Help me find
A way to bottle this energy
This passion Still good...
This beauty
This wonderful release of all inside

Find me a way
To remember these words
These lines
These rhymes Still good...
These wonderful signs

Tell me why
It makes me feel so
Tell me why once again, it feels like you tried to force a rhyme
I can’t say no

When the thoughts become too much
And it’s time to spill over
Tell me why
These words are so…. still doing good!
Perfect?
Wonderful?
The best outlet imaginable?

Maybe it’s the thrill
Or the challenge to combat
Or maybe it’s because ...still good
It’s my passion

To pursue
And follow
Not because of material gains I really like this stanza
Material pains
Material chains

But because of that one abstract organ—
The heart
In charge of feelings so hard to understand
So complex for our logical brain
In charge of that feeling
That drives me to write I like how you end it
Drives him to run
Drives her to sing
That feeling
Of passion.

Anyway, overall, I loved it!

Thanks so much to all of you! Your reviews mean a lot to me and hopefully I'll be able to incorporate all that you've said in my future writing :]
Thanks again.