Freedom Score

4 posts
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Gender Male
Points 13952
Reviews 168
Melodies of memories echoing,
sighing through the breeze, scores
of tomorrows that finally came.
A welcome interlude to a depressing
chapter far from grace. Rank up
the orchestra, bring on the finale,
bring on the end, bring on happiness
bring on the joy. End with flourish
end with a bow.
And close the curtains!
You poor take courage
You rich take care
This earth was made a common treasury
For everyone to share
All things in common
All people one
We come in peace
The orders came to cut them down

Billy Bragg - The World Turned Upside Down




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Gender Male
Points 189
Reviews 333
Pure genius, I love it!

My only slight thing, would be to change the wording on the last line. Maybe to something like and watch the curtain close, as for me, it seems the last line is in a different perspective to the rest of the poem.

Excellent though :D

~Retro Disco666
'I have loved to the point of madness, which for me is the only true way to love'
~Francoise Sagan




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Gender Female
Points 1205
Reviews 33
This is beautiful, and makes a lot of sense. I would just like a little more closure when the poem ends, just so it doesn't lose its perspective. But other whys, its perfect. I love it, and you should really keep on writing, because I keep wanting to read more!
ME




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Gender Female
Points 5741
Reviews 49
Hi!
I really liked how your poem flowed. The word choice, line breaks, and general movement reminded me of a performance in a grand hall. :D The only part that bothered me about this poem was the last line. I feel like it's essential to the poem's meaning, and the way the exclamation point lifted the poem up felt like it contradicted the action of the curtain closing. Though that might have been intentional, putting a period there instead and putting that line in its own stanza may make more sense.

Overall, I enjoyed this poem immensely. The metaphor was well-developed, and the emotion was quite tangible. Keep writing!

--Glim
"If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus 1 day, so I never have to live without you."
~Winnie the Pooh



something about rain makes you want to be in love
— canopy