Every Day and Night

It's not that great, so go, shred it, burn it, shoot it. Then please tell me what I can do better.

Every day, I stand alone.
Every night, I wonder why.
Every day, I see your face.
Every night, I dream of you.
Every day, I dream to fly.
Every night, I really do.
Every day, you drive me on.
Every night, you give me pain.
Every day, I try to work out why.

Hey there! I'm here to review your poem.

Nitpicks:

kingolions wrote:Every night, I dream of you.
Every day, I dream to fly.

The 'dream' is repeating here; perhaps try replacing the 'dream' (in italics) with another word?

kingolions wrote:Every night, I really do.

'Do' what?

The poem was all right, but your concept needs more elaboration. It seems like it was written by someone emotionally hurt. That was fine, but the way you expressed it was a little disorganized, as if you just scrambled these ideas together, especially for the fifth, sixth and seventh lines, which I found confusing.

Overall, I can give it a 6/10. Just some improvement and you'll be on the right track!

Keep writing, don't give up. =)

The repetition, which I thought would annoy me, actually didn't annoy me at all, which was great. I did think, however, that this poem was a bit simplistic and could use a lot of elaboration. Right now, there's no real imagery or anything that would make this particular poem stand out among many others. There's also no new take on the subject, nor a unique perspective on it. What you do have is bland and common. In any case, the only thing that makes this poem stand out is its repetition.

Hello there!

I am not good at reviewing, but I'll give my comments.
Okay, so the poem was good. I think it would be better if it rhymes.
One more thing, I think you forgot "Every night..." on your last part of the poem? Or maybe I'm wrong.

Keep it up!

Hello there Kingolions
I loved this poem, wow. It is something different, it is refreshing. I just like the transition from day to night over and over. I mean at first I was a little skeptical about the arrangement but I actually liked it. I think I am going to call it 'intelligent'
Good job and keep writing

Ziggie.

Hello, your majesty,

May I just say, this is the best poem that I've read that you've written! I really enjoyed it! After reading a few of the other reviews I began to think that some were right. I really do enjoy the repetition but there were one or two things that I'd like to show:

Every day, I see your face.
Every night, I dream of you.

Perhaps you could change it to Every day I see your face. Every night, I wish I could. This sounds to me a better alternative to what you've written. Another thing is that I feel that you haven't finished it properly. I think it's missing something. If you could extend on it that little bit more, I would be so happy.

MWAHAHAHA!
-RepublicOfCoter

Hey Kingolions!

To be honest, this poem wasn't too bad. Personally, I liked some of your other ones better, but this was nice and short. For some reason, I think this poem would be good if it rhymed. Don't ask why, it would just have a nice ring to it. Even though I liked the poem's simplicity, I think maybe you could extend just that little bit more. I'd love a greater depth of your emotions and feelings, and maybe tell us how high you fly at night and how you can't bare the pain. The second last line sounded a bit wrong though:

kingolions wrote:Every night, you give me pain.

Sorry, but it sounds...you know...wrong. Maybe re-phrase it.
Otherwise, it was nice and easy to read. A pretty good poem.

Hi Kingolions, I liked your poem simply for its simplicity! Like my short poemish thing I wrote, it is short, sharp, repetitive and gets to the point. I like the repetitiveness in your poem. While it can be a danger for all poems with yours it fits quite nicely. It works because your poem is short and sharp and great!! What is great about your poem is the darkness reaching out to the light. It is very powerful and relatable.
Maybe next time give and opening or ending sentence to really explain/ sum up what you are talking about.
Otherwise GREAT!!
Thanx for a good poem,
watchmeburn,