Lost

Ok, I hope you like it, I made it up as I went, so I didn't plan on this but I hope you can help me out... I think it sounds pretty cool. Any tips or ideas? You critical people can help a lottttt you know! :] if you liked it, push "like"! Thanks and I wiLL review yours!!


I'm under a vast summit
of Amazon's compacted trees
That reach up
like strong, ancient towers,
into the cerulean.
Sunlight caresses the edges
of thick, ever-green leaves
down
onto me
I swirl aimlessly until
I fall into a deviating dream

I really like the imagery throughout - it's pretty awesome and gives a good idea (is the photo one of yours aswell? 'Cause I really like it )

However it was quite short (not necessarily in a bad way), and I think you should have broken the lines up a bit more

So:

I'm under a vast summit
of Amazon's compacted trees
That reach up
like strong, ancient towers,
into the cerulean.
Sunlight caresses the edges
of thick, ever-green leaves
down
onto me.

I swirl aimlessly until a slumber, [ 'until a slumber... does what??' something missing?]
releases me/draws me (?)
into a world of dreams.

^ This would be my suggestion in terms of breaking it up

It does sound really cool! I really enjoyed reading it. I didn't notice any grammatical mistakes or anything, so yeah. You seem like you are really good with description and stuff. That's what I think made the poem awesome!
(If you can't already tell, I'm not a good reviewer. Sorry.)
Anyway, I really find nothing wrong with the poem, and as I mentioned before, it was really well-written. Oh! You know, it might be cool if you could make like a series of short little poems like this that tell a story! That would be epic! Once again, it's an awesome poem! Keep it up!

-Emily

THANK youuuuu guys! :]

Hello.

It's very cool, I can imagine the scenery, because you are very good at descriptions. I think your grammar is also good, and you don't have any mistakes.

However, it's a little short, so try to extend it or make a second poem, or a continuation... anything!

Keep it up! Good job!

Very nice! Especially since it was spur of the moment. Besides a few grammar things, it is a great poem!

Pacific! Hi! I'm here to review.

So, I really like this. You provide great imagery for me to work off of, such as the words "cerulean" and "vast." Overall, I'm getting the impression of some kind of shipwreck or plane crash, and I'm half expecting some pirates to jump out of the bushes and rob me right now.

Yeah, anyways, I have nothing bad to say about this. It really was awesome. *likes*

-Knightley