Cotton Candy

I'm sweet
I can even be used as a Valentine sweet
Take a bite out of me
In a little time I will grasp your mind and make you mine
Did I forget to mention that my pretty pinks and blues are there to catch your attention?
So be wise because tiny hands can become very sticky if I'm not eaten very quickly
I don't mean for this rhyme to take too much of your time
Caution! Make sure you brush your teeth to make sure this delicious treat does not rot your teeth
Please watch me as i get whirled like a ballerina twirls as she travels the world
The carnival lights will only tempt you into taking a bite
So hold on with all your might
I'm only as sweet as a first kiss
Feel free to scowl at others when they find the smell fowl

Umm... Firstly, just want to say that this was not what I was expecting to read. But that was half of why I liked it so much. I thought it was great, and a good choice of ideas. It's not something you would read a lot about, like fire, or love, or um... Well yeah, it's different.

But I did really like it. Especially the part where you said, 'I don't mean to rhyme to take much or your time.' I love irony. So for the last time, I really like this.

Hello there, magic!

I'm not really good at reviewing poetry but I'll try my best.

I'm sweet
I can even be used as a Valentine sweet

Okay, this is a good starting line, maybe try to reverse the second word 'sweet', because you used it twice, which slightly ruin your rhyming scheme or the flow of the poem.

Please watch me as I get whirled like a ballerina twirls as she travels the world

I'm only as sweet as a first kiss I like this line!
Feel free to scowl at others when they find the smell fowl

Good ending lines. Aside from the things I've commented and corrected, I really like this! I find this very interesting to read and quite funny.

Keep up the good work!

Peace out!

Hello Magic

First, I think it would be better if you would add some punctuations. I am sure it will make your poem better and more perfect.

Second, your grammar is good. However...

I'm sweet
I can even be used as a Valentine sweet

...the second "sweet" is not that okay. Maybe you could try other words like treats or etc.

Well, you some parts of the poem isn't really related to cotton candy, or should I say, you shift a bit. Like what Kaylyn says, there are many random, scattered thoughts. I'm sure you can work on it.


*Over all, the poem is very simple but very good as well. It's meaningful too. Keep it up! *

-darkangel_05