The unnamed poem

Run baby, run.
Do the things they said can't be done.
Be sly and clever.
For no pain is forever.



Yeah, it's a lame poem that popped into my head at two in the morning.
Critiquers:
Slaughter it.

It was really good, and not like what people would normally write. That would be why I like it. I like the bit

Run baby, run.
Do the things they said can't be done.

But then again, that's half the poem. But this is just my lame review. For two in the morning, it's great.

For two in the morning it's a very likable poem ^-^
short, sweet, and to the point.

Cool poem. Best thing I can come up with to say is try expanding it.

I like the daring vibe it gives, and the rhyme is so straight-forwards, the meter really compliments the theme.

It has some great potential if you just try adding a few more stanzas.

For 2:00 AM, it's remarkable....I write well early in the morning, but I almost never rhyme...(my rhymes stink like week-old putrid eggs)

Great job!

Okay, so the rhyme wasn't too forced, which is good. Except for the last line. We don't really see too much action to this, like the description of the story to this poem. Not that it really needs one either, but I do think it'd help get the idea/theme across in a few different ways, depending on how you frame the story.

You could also practice with imagery, giving us sight, hearing, smell, all that good stuff. You see, it's like we're blind, deaf and dumb in this poem. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing. If it's used right.

I did like it to, it's simple and to the point. Those are just some ideas/ways you can add to what you've got.

good luck, keep writing.
Silented1.

Well, well, well.
I added two more verses. ^_^