Apple (Rough)

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Before the apple fell,

We believed in a color-book world
With outlines pre-drawn, coherent.
Broad sketches in case our fumbling fingers
Should reach outside the lines.

We believed in black and white
And that its opposite was “rainbow”
Which twelve Crayolas would suffice to create,
Though twenty-four was better.

Before the apple fell,

We believed in stickers
Like money, except better
Because we learned about permanence
When you shake the paper and stars don’t fall.

That was before the apple fell.

We believed that lines could separate colors
And we did not know about shades,
Like chocolate icing on chocolate cake,
Or the wishes that go up with gone-out flames.

We believed in those too.

But perhaps the wishes did not reach the heavens
Because the icing did not stay sweet forever,
And rainbows stopped growing from finger tips
And when the lines disappeared, we lost.

And then the stars fluttered away.

How did it happen?
Did you hear the apple fall?
The wittiest thing is the simple truth.




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Hey, hows it going.
I like the whole concept of this rough draft! I think it's very cool how you used child like terms (crayons, coloring books, etc) to represent how innocent things used to be. Before the apple fell. I'm very interested in how the rest of this story will go. You didn't introduce any characters, and this kind of felt more like a short poem of some sort. But nonetheless I still really enjoyed it. I love the voice, and the style. You break off the sentences, but it works. :) Keep writing I want to see more!
We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, it's to create something that will.
[Chuck Palahniuk]




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I really really really liked this! Man, those were good times back in the day when everything was so simple. Stories could be written like this: I am eight. I live in France. I have glasses. ect... Drawings of people could be circles with tinier circles for eyes and sticks for arms and legs. Those were the good ol' simple days...
Anywho...
The concept of this poem is pretty awesome. I liked it!!
Guuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurl.

got trans?




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I actually really liked this. I see what your getting too...and I wish I could relive those times too...when we didn't have to worry about much, because we were little kids and we didn't really need to think about: working, college, jobs, money, relationships, etc. All we really did was color and play on playgrounds.
Really good poem. It makes you think back to simpler days. :)
-Jane :elephant:
Apple of my soul,
Eats me whole,
Take one bite,
No delight,
Rotting hole.




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Points 1761
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D: I didn't see the part that said this was a poem. So I take back what I said earlier. This is awesome.
We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, it's to create something that will.
[Chuck Palahniuk]




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Gender Female
Points 1510
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I wish I could go back to the days. Those were the days when homework was to say what you did on the weekend, or draw a picture of your family. Now homework is to write an 800 word essay, or complete chapter one in the maths book. I truly love this poem and it makes me remember the good ol' days :)
We all have moments of desperation, but if we face them head on, that's when we find out just how strong we really are. - Mary-Alice Young, Desperate Housewives



"I never expected that I should be a queen so soon."
— Alice's Adventures in Wonderland