When the tiger hunts he hunts quickly and with stealth until his time ends
"No life is forever. We found and fought here. We loved and died here... The crops whither and the bones of hunger walk the sunken roads... The land has failed us... In dance and song we gift and mourn our children. They carry us over the ocean in dance and song. -American Wake by Riverdance
When you have a poem (especially one so short) you really have to make each line count. I think you could've found a way to make this bolder, more emotional and dramatic. Y' know what I'm saying?
Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another. ~Lemony Snicket
I'd have to go with weaver on this too. Short little poems like this (I believe their called hikus or something, I don't really know.) really have to be strong. I don't know if you have ever seen fight club (I'd hope so I love that movie:D) but the main character makes a few of this style of little poems and this one reminded me of that.
We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, it's to create something that will. [Chuck Palahniuk]
I also agree with what Story Weaver said: The more drama in a haiku, the better!!! However, I applaud you for writing a haiku!! (They're my favorite form of poetry). They're simple, but you have to give them a unique factor!! -Jane
Apple of my soul, Eats me whole, Take one bite, No delight, Rotting hole.
