Teenage Torment

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Teenage Torment

It was the first day of my springtime.
It felt like winter, a thousand frozen smiles.

I looked for rainbows in the moonlight.
But the moonlight blinds naive eyes.

There’s a danger in hungry eyes.
I’m a nightmare disguised in happy lies.

There were cracks in my window.
All the seeds that I would forget to sow.

And then I saw you today ,
With that same look upon your face.

And all the pictures I forgot to show,
Fell like coals among the blood red snow.
Last edited by MattJF on Sun Mar 07, 2010 8:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.




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I think that you did a great job with this poem.
I’m a nightmare disguised in happy lies

This is my favourite line.I think you did a great job with rhyming, but you may want to add punctuation. Keep writing, your poems are really good. Fiction




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Thankyou fiction903. I'm happy you like the poem. And thanks for your tip. And thanks for taking the time to review it means alot




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I liked this poem too. I'm sensing this mysterious element in your poetry. It makes me ponder on the meaning. (It's a complement. :) ) My favourite lines were
It felt like winter, a thousand frozen smiles.

I’m a nightmare disguised in happy lies.

I'm hungry for more poetry now... :mrgreen: :elephant:
Please take care to use good grammar when making a post!

"grammer" 1519 matches on YWS *twitches*

Rydia is the ruler of the world. :(




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Ha ha your my new best friend! Thankyou for your comments, Its people like you I write for. Thankyou for taking time to read my poems, it really means alot!




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This is the first poem I've ever read that I actually liked.
I don't read poetry, no offence intended, because a) I stutter a lot when I read so I sound horrible when I read it aloud; and b) it makes no sense to me half the time.
so even though I know next to nothing about poetry I'll say this anyway:
I loved it! I LOVED the way you ended the poem, it was beautiful, but more punctuation is needed--it'll make it more clearer to the reader...I think.
Bye!
Bek :)




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Loved it,bro. So relative<3. Keep writing man,you're great.




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Thankyou for your comments they were amazing and for taking the time for comment on my work. Like I said to the previous comments I'll keep on writing as long as people like you guys like my work so thanks for letting me carry on writing!



I have hated words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right.
— Markus Zusak, The Book Thief