Today Was a Fairytale

So I heard a friend say "Today was a fairytale" even though she had had a pretty bad day, and so somehow became inspired to write this. It's my first poem, so I apologize if it's a disgrace to the very nature of poetry. Feel free to rip it apart!



Today was a fairytale
Every occurrence,
Every conversation,
Every aspect of life
Seemed nothing short
Of unreal in the worst
Respect

Oh, the characters could
All be found on this day
There was the evil witch
Hated by one and all
Played by none other
Than my so called
Best friend

There was the princess,
Cruel and dispassionate
Gazing at her loyal subjects
And not caring at all what
Anyone thought, only everyone
Not so fair, but a princess
Nonetheless

And what would the
Fairytale be without
The fabled Prince Charming
Too charming to be true
And too fake to be loved
By anyone, yet too pretty not
To be

Oh, today was a fairytale
But who said that was
Such a great thing
All sorts of evil things
Dwell inside fairytales
And they were all to
Be found

I thought it was very good. The big thing for me was that I had a perfect story throughout every stanza. The only thing I thought was a bit iffy at first was this part:

[quote]Hated by one and all
Played by none other
Than my so called
Best friend/quote]

For some reason the last three lines seemed awkward, but after re-reading a few times I came to the conclusion that it does flow a bit better than I thought. So that was my only hiccup, but other than that great job.

Hey there!

Okay, my favourite and most enjoyable thing about this poem was the structure. I love how you've kept the lines short. It creates a kind of unique pace and rhythm as well as contributing to that tone of the poem.

Every occurrence,
Every conversation,
Every aspect of life

The repetition of "Every" works beautifully here! I love it. There's a real painting of narration as well as imagery and its just enjoyable to read.

I'm not going to nitpick something I've enjoyed, so I'd just suggest a good read over and revision to see if you can notice any improvements. A good read aloud always helps.

Ben

Hi,

Welcome to YWS! I hope you like it here.

This is a really great idea and it flows beautifully. I love your description of the various characters, and it opens and closes very effectively. I especially loved the fourth stanza, and the voice of the speaker is great.

The only thing I'd add is punctuation. I'd read this aloud and then you can see where sentences end and where you stop naturally and insert full-stops accordingly.

Hope this helps, and do p.m me if you ever need a poetry review.

Jas

Your poem is very nice in concept, and it is nice overall, but there are points in which you are too straight forward, such as:

Today was a fairytale
Every occurrence,
Every conversation,
Every aspect of life
Seemed nothing short
Of unreal in the worst
Respect

This whole thing is too straight forward, and I recommend that you simply erase it and spread its meaning across the whole poem, because that sentence has given away the whole poem, so rather than the reader being sucked into the poem, he already understands it completely from the beginning.
There are a couple of other places where it is repeated, but it is a nice poem in every other aspect, and I wish you good luck with your other poems,
sincerely, ab5986

Hi Tigress! I'm Kat, and I'll be reviewing

So, first off, I really liked this. The concept of a fairytale has been played in many ways, and I'm glad to say that you brought something new to this. But still, there are something that could be improved.

Flow.
Yep, there are some sketchy spots here, were we, readers, have to fully stop to read the next line and it feels really awkward, like there are some words missing simply because the flow isn't kept up.
For example,

By anyone, yet too pretty not
To be

Here, is a good example. But it has so a so easy fix! If you simply pass the 'not' to the next line, it would work better

So take another look at this, read it out loud, and you'll see those spots.

Capitalization
It really bothered me on how every line was capitalized. Some people might say poetry needs to have every line capitalized, but it's not true. Poetry's a free form, how could it have rules? So, take a look at this as if it was a text, and then you'll see where you should capitalize and not. Plus punctuation is a good investment.

Thanks for posting and PM me if you have any questions! Advice: the Knowledge Base, here on YWS, has many articles on flow and punctuation, if you want to take a look at it.
- Kat

Hey! Well, I think you have a good base here. It's not well written, but it shows the promise of a very good poem if you work on. After you take everybody else's suggestions, enhance it! Add detail, emotion, maybe a bit of imagery. This shows promise, just "juice it up."

--Dreamy

Thanks for all the suggestions everyone! I really appreciate it! Seriously, thanks for giving me all this great advice. I really need it since I don't know hardly anything about poetry. I don't know if I'll work on this particular poem more -- it was more of a spur of the moment thing that I don't really feel like fixing up, but I'll definitely keep this stuff in mind when I decide to write more poetry.

Thanks again,
Becki