7-27-09 I Am...

I am
A daydreamer.
I wonder
About other worlds.
I hear
Voices in my head. (jk)
I see
Adventures.
I want
To be someone else.
I am
A daydreamer.

I pretend
To be on other worlds.
I feel
Restless.
I touch
Others lives.
I worry
Over small things.
I cry
When I'm angry.
I am
A daydreamer.

I understand
Things when put simply.
I say
What I believe.
I dream
Of being a hero.
I try
To be outgoing.
I hope
To be impulsive.
I am
A daydreamer.

Hi,

I think this works very well as an "I Am" poem. I think it gives a good sense of the different fragments that make up the speaker, and I like how the aspects of the self differ so that they don't become a stereotype. I especially love;
"I understand
Things when put simply."

I'd cut "jk" or change it to "(joke)".

There should be an apostrophe after "others" to show possession, but I think this line is a bit too intangible so I'd try for a stronger and more direct image.

Hope this helps.

Jas

Hello there! Okay so this form of poetry is a good way to kick start the imagination but there has to be something special there for them to stand out. I've read quite a lot of I Am poems and they all tend to be the same. As it's writers who create these, 'daydreamer' is one of the most common responses. It's the one I used two years ago even

So let's take a closer look...

I am
A daydreamer. [Longer lines are often better. Add similes and descriptions, expand on ideas. The best of these that I read was one where they wrote several lines for each tag so it flowed much more smoothly and was more of a poem rather than a list.]
I wonder
About other worlds. [Fantasy worlds or worlds like out in the real world? Do planets also interest you?]
I hear
Voices in my head. (jk) [Hehe, so this amused me but take the jk away it isn't necessary and disrupts the flow. That has no place in poetry. The tone of the poem should convey the right emotion.]
I see
Adventures.
I want
To be someone else.
I am
A daydreamer.

I pretend
To be on other worlds. [I like the echo of the earlier mention, that's nice ]
I feel
Restless. [Maybe describe the feeling or give an example?]
I touch
Others lives.
I worry
Over small things. [Sometimes saying the same thing in more words makes it more dramatic and strengthens the flow so maybe: 'I worry over things that are hardly there.']
I cry
When I'm angry.
I am
A daydreamer.

I understand
Things when put simply. [Maybe a move to second person would involve the reader more? These are suggestions you could extend throughout the piece and pick and choose from by the way. So maybe: 'I understand/ Your simple explanations.']
I say
What I believe.
I dream
Of being a hero. [Why? A hero for who? Animals, your friends, all of humanity or of another world?]
I try
To be outgoing.
I hope
To be impulsive. [This is the line that interests me most. Impulsive isn't always considered a good trait so I'd love to know why you hope for it, a little explanation or background information on that one would be great.]
I am
A daydreamer.

So generally my advice is be more creative! Don't worry too much about sticking to the form, make it your own and you may find you like the poem better. If you have any questions or would like me to read a later version, feel free to pm me.

I hope this helps a little,

Heather xx

I thought this was a good poem. It gave me a great insight into who you are as a person. As I pointed out before, punctuate your poems just like you would a normal paragraph. Capitalising every line gets very distracting for me, as a reader. Also I agree that you should cut out the (jk), because what writer doesn't hear voices in their heads? We aren't going to think you are crazy, we are going to relate to you.

Secondly, you talked about worlds twice, about being on them or wondering about them, I believe. Choose one of the lines about the worlds, and get rid of the other. It is redundant and quite frankly weakens your poem.

Finally, I wonder why you want to be impulsive. Usually people view that as a bad trait, and yet you find it a desirous characteristic. I wonder if you truly want to be "impulsive" or if you want to be spontaneous? Perhaps you could clarify this for us?

Good job! I enjoy reading your poetry.

Hi there anime-girl13. I'm Conrad Rice, and I'll be your reviewer for today.

So, I really like this poem. It really shows you opening up and talking about the kind of person you are. This is one of the best ways that poetry can be used. I also liked how you repeated certain things in each stanza. It helped to create a unifying structure that I felt helped your poem immensely.

So, my final verdict is that you have a good poem here. PM me if you have any questions or comments. Thank you for sharing this, and yourself, with us!

Good job, and good luck.

-Conrad Rice