Destined to not meet till eternal rain

I like this short poem because it has a very Native American feel to it. The concept is simple but still sort of profound. I do suggest replacing the periods after the third and fifth lines with commas.

Also, you say you are the sky. Consider replacing most "sky"'s with "I"'s, so it reads like this-

I am the Sky. You are the Earth.
Destined not to meet.
But if by chance a rainy day came by, and it rained for Eternity,
Then and only then will we meet.
Until that day, I will only gaze upon your curves and peaks, (added some imagery)
Wishing for that day of Eternal rain.
The day Sky and Earth meet.

The effect is not only on the readability of the poem, but it gives it an allegorical twist. Maybe this isn't just about the Earth and Sky. Maybe it's a poem about someone who loves another from afar, just waiting for the day they can collide. Anyway, just my thoughts on it! Keep writing, I like where you're going with this

Seems empty and a bit boring. I agree with ^ add some imagery so people can imagine it. It's cool - but a bit..empty, ya' know?

Logan.

sammimot, thank you for the advice and i will take it on board. you have infact got it right, it is about someone dear to me:)i will however post an updated version of it but keep the original one as i wrote it with affection.

xlogan it seems you have not loved someone as you have not really given any advice on how to improve this piece of work but just say its boring.

yours
illuminati