The Heart

The heart is like a puzzle,
Always scattered about
The heart is like a land
In a constant drought
The heart is like taking a road
That's really the wrong route.

Pieces are lost along the way
While others are put together
And sometimes a land in drought
Obtains the gentle water's spray
Directions can be illuminated
In the sun's gentle ray.

Hey there!
You did a good job on this poem, no signs of rust that I could spot. There was a natural flow and meter when I read, which is always the goal. I like how you told a bit of a story with all the things that happen to a person's heart during their life.

"And sometimes a land in drought

Obtains the gentle water's spray"

I love those lines. They were my favorite in the whole poem. In the third to last line and last line, did you mean to say 'gentle' twice. If you did, then it works, but if not you might want to change it up. There's really nothing else I feel I should offer my opinions on. Nice job!
-Alyssa

I don't know how, but you are doing even better than before. Where do you get all the inspiration.

Hey,

Very memorable poem nice rhythm and idea. Superb poem

Brown Eyed Girl xx

Thanks for the reviews everyone!

Well. all I can say is that it was really well written. It has a really nice rhythm and I really enjoyed reading it!

The simplistic optimism in this poem is nice, I enjoyed that. Be careful of using contractions when writing formally though, it interrupts the flow of the poem.

I think it's really touching.
I liked the flow. In more than one way it was relaxing.
It was also really inspirational. I loved the part about how the heart is like a puzzle and how some pieces are lost while others are being put together.
I liked it.
It was a little on the short side but it was still great. I think the shortness actually added more to the tone of the piece. After all, it's quality that matters not quantity.

I found your poem very neat. it was flawless!

The heart is like a puzzle,

Always scattered about

The heart is like a land

In a constant drought

The heart is like taking a road

That's really the wrong route.

The first paragraph is very well written.
your lines have got very deep meanings hidden in them...

Pieces are lost along the way

While others are put together

And sometimes a land in drought

Obtains the gentle water's spray

Directions can be illuminated

In the sun's gentle ray.

The second paragraph shows a sudden optimism in the poem, as mentioned above. This half of the poem was my favorite!
I found your poem short, sweet, to the point and very interesting to read. it never lost its rhythm and went off the track,which is what i like about it.
You seem like an experienced writer. your work is really nice. do inform me if you write something else. I would love to read your poem/ story!!!

Great poem.
The Line:

And sometimes a land in drought

Obtains the gentle water's spray

Its the perfect way to show the good and bad sides of love.

The way i interprit it is The heart can be dry, like lost love. Or it can be sprayed with water and be moist, like new love.

Really nice work.

Hello, Roon here! Your poem really caught my eye, so well done on hooking the reader from the off. I admit, I was expecting to find something I would hate when I saw the title, but I never judge a book by it’s cover, or a poem by it’s title. This is not to say that you should change it, it’s perfect for the poem, I’m just weird. Not really sure why I’m mentioning this! Lol. Anyway, nitpicky!

I. NITPICKS:

The heart is like a puzzle, << slightly clichéd image here, delve into it, show, don’t tell. Other than that, a good hook.

Always scattered about << superfluous, also it’s not as fluid as the rest of the poem, for me.

The heart is like a land

In a constant drought << this is good, but you don’t really explore, or explain the imagery.

The heart is like taking a road

That's really the wrong route. << eh, this could have been better phrased. In fact you could have just said the heart is like taking the wrong route. Again, you don’t explore this image.



Pieces are lost along the way << You return to this, but you still haven’t built upon it.

While others are put together << I don’t see as this adds to the poem.

And sometimes a land in drought << I don’t think you should use the exact same wording when you return to the idea, and the same point as before.

Obtains the gentle water's spray

Directions can be illuminated

In the sun's gentle ray. << the last three lines are my favourite, they flow beautifully, and I usually hate rhyme, but this time it works, so well done.

II. RHYME & FLOW

The rhyme in this poem was fluid and effortless, so well done. As I said, I usually hate rhyme in poetry, it nearly always is really forced, but you have a rhyming talent it seems! The flow was good, I just feel that it may have been broken up somewhat by the repetition of ‘the heart’, which may be what you wanted, to show the disjointed love the speaker feels.

III. IMAGERY

Okay, so there wasn’t much imagery used in this poem, I think it would have benefited from it. I also think you need to explain your comparisons properly. You just tell us, rather than show us. Make us feel something for the voice. At the moment, it feels like there is little personal touch, and this can be put across in the imagery and metaphors/similes that you use, and also, the way you present them, so think about this when you read through your poem again.

IV LANGUAGE

At the moment, there is no language that really ‘speaks’ to me as a reader. There was no amazing sentence that blew me away, there wasn’t a word that meant so much that I really got Goosebumps. I know it’s sad, but I really feel that poetry should be something that really tells a story to the reader, and should have a personal impact on each reader. Poetry is all about interpretation, but there is nothing here to interpret.

V OVERALL

Overall, I thought this was a really good poem, you have some nice ideas. Maybe if you gave each one its own paragraph, and really explored each of the ideas you present. I think this could be truly amazing if you just revise your imagery and a little bit of your choice of language.

So, I hope this helped, that’s what I’m here for! If you have a problem with anything I’ve said, or just have a question about anything, please don’t hesitate to let me know. Hopefully, this was a constructive piece of advice, if you felt it was too harsh in places, or that I had gotten the wrong end of the stick, just let me know.

Thank you for your time!

~ Roon

It's good in a imaginative way, but I can't help but feel there's no poetry in this poem... if you can understand what I mean...
What I mean by that is, a poem tends to have some sort of rhythum to it, E.G;

Mar~RY had a LIT~tle Lamb
it's FLEECE was WHITE as SNOW
and EVery~where that MARy went
the LAMB was SURE to go..
(Capital letters showing the expression of the word)

Kaylyn wrote:The heart is like a puzzle,
Always scattered about
The heart is like a land
In a constant drought
The heart is like taking a road
That's really the wrong route.

With a pattern of rhyming words within the ends of line 2, 4 and 6. Alas, this is where it breaks off from it's rhythum.

Kaylyn wrote:Pieces are lost along the way
While others are put together
And sometimes a land in drought
Obtains the gentle water's spray
Directions can be illuminated
In the sun's gentle ray.

The last word of the First Line and the Last word of the Forth and sixth line rhyme, which is completely different to the structure of the previous verse. If the impression of words were changed to keep the Rhythum you can improve the overall feel of the poem.

So instead of the second verse, which was "prettied up" by metaphorical words, you can create a simular impact with smaller words. So I would write the following;

Kaylyn wrote:The heart is like a puzzle,
Always scattered about
The heart is like a land
In a constant drought

The heart like unmapped roads
A Nieve and Scary route.
The Pieces are put together,
but some slowly decay.
Sometimes land in drought,
become washed by water's wave.
Directions within life illume,
Under the Sun's Gentle Ray.

Other then that, keep up the good work =P

The heart is like a puzzle,
Always scattered about.
A space would be good here to break up the words and make each of these thoughts a separate stanza
The heart is like a land,
In a constant drought.
space thing again
The heart is like taking a road,
That's really the wrong route.

Pieces are lost along the way,
While others are put together.
space thing again
And sometimes a land in drought,
Obtains the gentle water's spray.
space thing again
Directions can be illuminated
In the sun's gentle ray.

This is a pretty good poem, I like the reflecting verses =]. If you put some punctuation in, you have to do it for every line. I've bolded where you should add them. And if you divide the verses into stanzas, it will flow better. Good work, keep it up =].

I liked the way you incorporated elements of romanticism for this poem.

Especially when you mentioned "Heart is like the Land". I enjoyed this imagery the most!

Keep up the goodwork!