Dancing in the rain

Yay!!!!! Another person who loves the rain, and to dance in it!!!

Eh-hem. back to business.

First of all, I love your poem, it's off to a great start. Check your tenses though, I know there's an awkward "future-past" thing going on at the end. Also, there are a few things that could make it flow better, and give a better picture.

"in this moment" and "in the rain" gave me a weird "didn't I hear this already?" feeling.

"Is only a whisper compared / to the symphony"; I would say something like "whisper within / the symphony", but that might just be my writing style.

I especially love the line "making it easy for you / to see me within." I took it as more than just the arms, that the dancing in the rain is an expression of your soul, and I love that.

Good work!

Hi!
I'm going to start with a couple dull little grammar things, if you don't mind, and get those out of the way. =D
"My feet rise into the air
And lands gracefully" 'Lands' should be plural, like feet: 'Land'.

"The rain has quiet down": quieted.

"And I stop dancing
Hoping that it would
Rain tomorrow." That it *will* rain tomorrow.

"The thoughts of my actions
Is only a whisper compared" The thoughts of my actions *are* only a whisper

On to the more interesting parts XD. Dancing in the rain is a pretty picture, if not a new one. (really what is new anymore?)
"Water falls from above me
And gently hits my face" <-- this is a frequently used idea when it comes to rain. Is there something specific about what is being washed away from this person that you could add to make it more unique? Or a different way you could describe it?

"As I stand in this moment
I'm embracing the rain;
My limbs slowly move
As I dance in the rain." Here you tell us: 'I'm embracing the rain' and 'I'm dancing in the rain'. What if, instead of simply telling us, you described it? It could be as simple as changing 'dancing' to 'twirling' or 'twirling and weaving through the rain' or 'spinning and pirouetting'.
And you could change embracing slightly also to perhaps "my arms are stretched wide as if to embrace the rain" or something.
By changing the words to something more descriptive, you're giving us a better picture of the scene. When you just say dancing I have to work harder to picture it in my mind. When you say 'embracing the rain' I'm not really sure just how she's doing it, or if it's only her mind that's "embracing" the rain, that loves the rain.

"The thoughts of my actions
Are only a whisper compared
To the symphony
The falling water composes." This picture is more unique. =) It's good. The sentence, I felt, is constructed a little oddly; it made me do a double-take. I think you just need to change where you have the line breaks. Maybe try this: "The thoughts of my actions / are only a whisper compared to / the symphony the falling water composes." That way we're seeing more of the sentence at once, so it's not as likely to confuse us the first time. Again, I do like that imagery.

"My feet rise into the air
And land gracefully
As they hit the ground again." You don't really need the 3'rd line here. When you said "and land gracefully" you already told us that they hit the ground.

"My arms flow gently
Moving like the wind
Making it easy for you
To see me within." While on the surface there isn't really anything wrong with these lines, you're introducing a vague "you" that you only mention once. The focus of this poem is the rain, and you only talk about this "you" once. I don't think that you need it; I think that it's destracting from the main focus of your poem because it brings in this whole other idea about the "seeing me withing" that you never develop.

Briefly, I agree with starlit.isle about "in the moment" and "in the rain"

"Just the trees drip from the shower
And I stop dancing <--- again, I think you can use more descriptive language to give us a mental picture of the scene
Hoping that it will
Rain tomorrow." <--- This ending isn't as strong as I'd like to see. It seems like the obvious conclusion that you use because you can't think of any other way to tie things up. What I'd love to see for the ending is how they feel about the end of the rain, just like you told us how the rain felt to them. Is it disappointing, or does it emphasize how refreshing rain is, how everything is clearer and cleaner now?

To sum up, I think that this piece needs the most is for you to add more imagery, more picture language so we can picture the scene more clearly. That's what this poem focuses on, is the appearance of this scene of this person dancing in the rain. If you use more unique, descriptive words, it will make this poem that much stronger and more unique. =)

I hope this was helpful! Any questions, let me know. =D

-Adna

I like! It sounds really good. keep writing! YOu really brought this to life and colored pictures in my head. I especially like the last line!
Keep at it!
luv/avie

This is very interesting, it makes inspired, you are very good, try to use more description to show more of an epic/dramatic effect.

Thanks everyone for the tips. I know my punctuation and grammar might not be the best yet...but that was what summer did to me... ha jk. But thankyou
And I will deffinitely keep it up if I can

I loved the poem! But can I just say would it be better on the 7th line you could have said 'move slowly' insted of slowly move' I'm just saying that it would sound better.