random

Heather Printer is a babe
she turns me on at night
however she does not fancy me
and pushes me away with all her might

i have fallen in love with her
her hair, her eyes, her skin
i love the converse and tee shirts she wears
and she never smells like a bin

but one day she looked at me
and she fainted at the sight
i ran towards her, crying out
someone had stabbed her with a kite

i screamed and hollered, HOW DARE THEY
and gave her the kiss of life
i held her hand, i petted her head
and brought out my silver knife

i called out to the crowd that was gathering
'MY ONE TRUE LOVE IS DEAD'
so i held up the knife, looked at it
then stabbed myself in the head

mckinters ran to me in a dash
she pulled out the knife and stitched me up
she saved my life and began work on heather
and i was hugged my caroline duff

heather woke up, i looked at her in glee
she saw me again and tried to run
i said to her 'it is ok, i am here'
she looked at me and shot me with a gun

mckinters was raging, so pulled out a knife
and chased heather around the place
heather laughed as she got away
but ran into a tree and hurt her face

mckinters stabbed her with the knife
kiera laughed loudly at the sight
of two dead bodies in LGS
she then went and collected her kite

caroline duff looked looked up
as kiera mcgarry skipped away
she had murdered two people
in one lovely summers day

summer pasted
and so did winter
and that was the end
of poopy and printer

Um, ok, wow. I don't think I could review this as poetry, but I will try.

First of all there is no punctuation. There needs to be some in the (coughs) poem.

I see some words typed twice, and a few other errors. Also is it supposed to rhyme, or make sense.

That's all I got.

-Flower-

Hi...



Well, this poem was a little weird...(No offense)

There are only a few errors I see in here...I think that maybe there should be some punctuation somewhere, to maybe umm... turn it into more of a poem...?

Also, I didn't really catch onto the rhythm of the poem (If there is one...??)

Otherwise, umm, good job.

Keep it up.

~*Hailey,<3

Certainly interesting. A little bit random for my tastes although some of the imagary wasquite strong.

The paragraph:

but one day she looked at me

and she fainted at the sight

i ran towards her, crying out

someone had stabbed her with a kite

Not sure if "kite" was a mis-type, intended be "knife", because it seems strange that someone could be stabbed with a kite.

Having said that all poetry is down to personal taste and reviews and opinions are subjective. If you think it needs to be written, then write it.

Well I cannot help but be apart of the great echo and say that you need to punctuate this poem.

This poem seemed like one of those things you write with your friend playfully one night. Everything rhymes, it makes no sense, it has no greater goal. Sure, it's fun, but I cannot call it poetry. Hopefully my rant to follow won't insult you too much, it's intended to help you figure out what poetry really is, that way if you decide to truly become a poet and start posting things that people can properly review, you know where to start.

If you're looking to write poetry and become a poet, my first advice would be to read poetry. Go to your local library and check out some books on poetry. Read through them and think about what they make you feel, think, experience. Do they change your beliefs? Do they make you think about things in a different way? The main goal of [good] poetry is to cause the reader to have a reaction of some kind, to think, to experience, to feel, to see the world in a new way. In a big way, poetry is about the reader and not about the writer.

However if you just want to write playful, silly poems, do continue to do so! It's fun, and a great way to play with words and express yourself. I simply don't think it's worth your while posting the poems here, if you aren't taking yourself and your poetry seriously. Why should a reviewer take it seriously if you don't?


Best of luck in the future!

lol are you serious?

Honest initial impression (HII): I laughed and thought it was a joke.

I read it twice and my HII still stands. It's a clever rhyme you have there, but i hope you weren't being serious. It certainly was eye catching and confusing for the most part, but it did make me giggle. It wasn't bad, don't get me wrong. But I've read enough work to know when someone just isn't trying. lol. It was cute though. I guess it speaks more for your personality than your actual writing skills.

Nevertheless, I want to give you a proper critique!

"Your rhythm is broken
Your rhymes gone awry
and such an idea
deserves one more try."

See I made a poem for you! A tangible representation of my appreciation for such a queer poem. All in all, I do like the idea of it--rather the story/the turning of your unrequited love into something lighthearted and funny--but i think it could be done better. I feel like this was your first draft. So, revise, revise, revise. Fix the technicalities. The story itself is fine, I suppose, just make it more coherent.

And because I like it so much, I'll give you my special goodbye!

Yatta!