Life's goig by pretty fast.

I know that my future will soon be my
past. Life is going by pretty fast. Soon
I will be all grown up. Have some kids
whom I shall give my love. I will spread
my wings and fly. Not be scared to at all
die. Heaven awaits me that I know. I will
gain new wings and become an angel. My
kids will miss me when I pass. But like I said
life's gowing by pretty fast.

Hi, unicyclegurl!

One quick thing before I talk about your poem: the site rules are that you should critique at least two poems before you post one of your own, and in the future stick to that 2:1 ratio. Since you're brand new it's fine that you didn't know that, but in the future you should probably keep it in mind.

Okay, on to your poem!

You have a good idea in writing about the cycle of life. However, I didn't really like the poem, and there are a couple of reasons: it's terribly rushed, and it's not very original.

If you really want to write a poem about how you predict your life will unfold, it's going to need to be either longer than this or pithier than this. You really haven't said anything interesting in the few lines you've used. People grow up, most people have kids, everybody dies - so what? What is going to make your life different and notable? Are you growing up gracefully or not so very? What kind of man do you predict you will marry? What do you think you will be like as an old woman? Also, don't just talk about how perfect you want your life to be. No one's life is perfect. Include some sour in the mix, as well as sweet. It will surprise the reader and make your poem lots better.

I also think you should ditch the rhyming (by the way, you have something wonky going on with your lines - if you're rhyming, the lines should end with the rhymes). It does nothing for the poem, and it makes what you're saying seem trite and forced. Poetry doesn't have to rhyme, and rhyming is really hard to do well. More important is rhythm and how you make the words work for you to paint vivid pictures in the reader's mind. Try to come up with more fresh, original figurative language.

I hope I've helped you, and that I haven't come across as too harsh. I think this could be a great subject for a poem if you put some more thought into it. As a last suggestion, read poetry. It will give you more ideas and make you more adept at writing it yourself. Good luck!