Fear

Fear


I'm afraid.
Nail biting,
Eye popping,
Neighbor calling,
Door locking,
Stomach jumping,
Adrenaline rushing,
Prayer saying,
Flashbacks racing,
Throat closing,
Frightened.

But I'm panicking you can't see,
For someone else, not me.

Hiya! Nice to meet you! ~Peanut

OK, lets have a few sections of criticism;

Over- all

It was way too short. Please consider expanding the over- all length of the poem, or the lines themselves; most preferably the lines.
Also, it told us, and did not show us! It's never good to do that, dear. Try using some figurative language and personification, if you can; it helps much .
I also think that, since it was so short and did not show us, that it droned on just a tad. Droning= bad! Try fixing these things, please.

Nit- Picks

I'm afraid.

I don't think that is the greatest start, dear.

Prayer saying,

That is an awkward line... "prayer saying" just doesn't sound right.

But I'm panicking you can't see,
For someone else, not me.

I wouldn't start that line with "but". The line should be a little more like this;
"I'm panicking, unseen,
for someone else: not me."

Is that a little better? It seems a bit better.
Also, that is the only part of the poem that rhymes. Not good! That would be an unbalanced poem. Try to make it a little more even, dear.

Frightened.

Not an extremely convenient way to end the poem.

The whole thing seems a little... strict, tight even. You don't have to capitalize every line, especially since you have a comma at the end of each line (which shouldn't be... it is okay, but it makes it look a little [like I said] strict). These things are okay, but are also good to change. A little variation of each line is good. Like I said, it seems to drone on ever- so- slightly, each line in the same exact pattern... which can be good, sometimes, but all the lines looked the same! Not good, with this type of poem.

Complements! Yay

Nice subject! I love writing with emotion. It's also always good to be true. This poem, I could tell, was true. You based it off of what you could feel while writing it, or what you have experienced. Even if it wasn't, it was executed great! Job well done. Just a few minor setbacks that can be easily fixed with a little contemplation, work, and cooperation with your words!

Well, I think that would be it! Nice job .

PM me if you ever need anything!

I agree with peanutgallery007. It was a little short but also some poems work being short. I really thought it was overall quite amazing. Well done. You definitly have writing in you and hopefully you keep sticking with it.

Great job, Ninja! As for what Peanut and unicyclegurl1994 said, I guess it could be longer- -but the specific style of the poem, like how haiku have a certain number of syllables, is that it contains the name of the emotion, ten verbs, and then a synonym for the emotion, plus the end thing. Which I really like, by the way. So, just tell them that. Mrs. B would be proud.

~Sunny

This has potential, but with what you have it is kind of boring. I would suggest adding another stanza or two, give the poem more meaning, we know what you're feeling, let us in on why or what is going on, it would get our attention more and add alot of real substance to it.
Good luck.

You've got a swell idea, you just need to develop it more. Yes, you need to add much more description and make it longer. It just tells, there is no description. Maybe you could take each of your lines and describe it in detail. Why is all this happening? Add form! If you are going to do a free verse it has to be RICH in description. Keep the idea!

Hiya!

Alright, so each line here has a reaction to fear, which is alright to start the line, but there should be something... more. We get a jolt of feeling each time, but that jolt dies down every time we read a new element of fear.

The last two lines here are a bit confusing, considering that 1- we didn't get any mention of somebody else, and 2- all of the feelings in the poem above are rather physical. If they are physical, how can we not see them? What I mean by that is, if your eyes are popping/growing wider, then people will see that, no? It just seems a bit strange how people wouldn't see that.

Overall, I found each line in here to be a good beginning that would need to be expanded upon for this to be a hard-hitting poem. I do hope you brush it up, though, since this poem has a lot of promise!

Questions? PM me.

~Rosey