tell me the truth

4 posts
User avatar
Gender Male
Points 1108
Reviews 404
tell me the truth


tell me the truth:
nothing but it;
nothing but it please,
and i dare you—
i double-dare you—to tell me
the truth,
and nothing but:
nothing. but the truth
can only exist
if you let it
sit raw out in the open;
let it thaw raw out in the open;
let it sit raw to thaw
in the sun;
let the teeth bite in;
let the nails scratch tin;
and tell me,
if truth
is really as trivial
as politicians make it out to be;
if truth
is anything but the truth until
the truth is revealed,
and if truths can exist
in halfs; in quarters; in eighths; in tenths; in twelfths;
in hundredths and thousandths;
if truths can subsist
in different hues:
in black
in white
in brown pink yellow;
in emerald greens, can truths exist?
in cerulean blues, can truths subsist?
if truths are half-,
and if truths are lies:
is this a truth?
is this a lie?
this is a speech, a poem, a call to action:
if truths lie about truths,
can we hold them to trial?
and if we do, can we put their words
on file? and then we’ll pile
all evidence against truths:
they’re halfs and they’re raw,
and they’re lies and that’s why truths
are against
the law.
but if the law begins with self-evident truths,
can law be lie and lie be law? and if
lie be law,
can half- and raw
be truths? the real
truths, the nice
truths, the law
truths; truths that are white
but not black;
truths that are raw
but not ate;
truths
that are one and not eighths:
has the jury reached a verdict?
has the jury finally reached an honest, sincere verdict?
let me be frank with you, judge:
truths are guilty
on all charges
for perjury, false swearing under the oath of god
and that’s why
they wanted to say:
“yes sir, the truth,
the whole
damn truth and nothing
but the truth!”
and let this go out to anyone who preaches truth
and nothing but their truths—
truths that are versatile
and truths that cheat;
truths are vile and are bound to repeat;
and that is why
i try, i try
to tell you, sir, the real, god-awful truth of the matter—
is—the truth of the matter is, really, it really is
nothing that is true;
nothing, that is,
nothing but the truth is nothing, not including nor excluding
the lawful, real truth
that haunts us with a blade.
so tell me now, tell me the truth—
and if you can’t tell me the truth,
will you tell me the lie?
the lie that was meant to be true? but is really what
you wanted it to—
because truths are lies
if someone wanted them
true.
and as wild, as crazy,
as passionate as that may sound,
i am truly a preacher of lies—
good, lawful lies.
and next time i ask you to tell me the truth,
just turn your back to my tooth
and saunter away
from my lies:
for as long as you have eyes,
you will see
my lies, my lies;
and you will
rise. you will rise.
my world isn't only beautiful
it is so far away




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 2527
Reviews 141
I thought this was awesome! I loved the concept, though it did get a little confusing towards the end, with the constant repetition, but oh well, that might just be me.

Anyway, my one suggestion would be capitalization. I'm not so sure if this really applies here, but aren't the beginnings of lines supposed to be capitalized? And just other random points where you started a new sentence or said "i", but I'm not very good at grammar and all that, so maybe I just made that up at some point during my life.

Oh, and here's a random little paradox this made me think of: This sentence is a lie.
So it goes.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 790
Reviews 2
I really liked this idea, but I have some suggestions.

1. lines of poetry are normally capitalized.

2. You seem to use alot of topics. If you're going for a more stream of consciousness effect, then I would say that this is a good format for your poem. However, sometimes it feels a little too fast paced and becomes confusing. I would recommend creating some stanzas that would help slow it down a little.

3. Even in poetry capitalization rules apply. After periods and at the beginning of quotation marks the first letter is capitalized. Also I would watch your 'i's. Not capitalizing them is unprofessional

4. This isn't really a suggestion, but I really liked your use of repetition. It adds to the demanding tone.

Nice Work!




Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 1610
Reviews 47
So this had me a bit confused
In the beginning, the heavy repetition was kind of odd
I like the idea, but the idea needs to be brought out harsh, loud, crazy
To me, capitalization makes thing louder, stronger
Honestly though, it's ok
Nice job
NaNoWriMo, ftw.



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