This is a poem that preludes a chapter in my current novel. It describes a creature that is in my story: a "skysoul", which is a manmade species that acts as a living ozone layer. They are mostly made of water, but are as intelligent as humans, etc. They love to dance in the skies, and they revere the sun beyond all else. I'd like your opinion on it, if you please. I'm sorry, but you may not get the allusions to the story unless if you actually read my story, but I'm not posting it on the internet. My apologies.
You can see a doodle of the species below, if you're interested. Thank you.
--> http://Seraphania.deviantart.com/art/Ch ... -108893803
Story's Dance
Sun-given sky-child, twirling, dancing -
music spiraling down your silken flanks,
as sunlight echoes against your feathers;
the star-hued gleam, my living river.
Always moving with the wind,
the sky,
for that is what you are:
you are water, river, stream,
combined with dance and light and song.
A soul that is not bound.
From the moment you were born,
condensed; a living stream of
water droplets and bits of sun,
a soul of sky that is our kind,
our story grew.
And from the moment you were born,
little skysoul, little dancer,
the unending tale that we all
are part of had
another chapter to its pages.
Another ending, another character
that makes our dance become
alive.
And so, now, follow, take my lead,
be a river, not the rain.
When you reach the open sky,
dance! and finish what we've started,
and make our story yours.
Child, your eyes are the falling stars
your breath the wind that carves the scups,
your body the Sun’s arms, the eye of our world.
Child, your story is unbounded.
It is your turn to write the end.
Critique? Praise? Opinions in general? I take it all. Thanks again.
-Ari
but I would try to describe more what it looks like because it really threw me off when you use words like dance, twirl, eyes, and arms because then I get the picture of an angel. (I'm going in circles...)
