I Could Write a Poem for You

I could write a poem for you,
say how my heart was torn in two.

I’d rather know that I stayed calm.

Since I’m composed, and you were wrong.

nixonblixen wrote: I especially like how, when you're reading it, you slow down on the last line. It's like the poem itself is on the verge of flipping out and then calms itself down at the end. Does that make sense? The quality of the writing itself matches the subject of the poem.

Evi wrote:Use words like ‘scars’ and ‘pain’ and ‘tears’,
but in the end, I’d still be here.

say [s]how[/s] my heart was torn in two.

My wrath would only spark then fade.

Evi wrote:I don't know where this goes: Lryric or Dramatic? So, 'Other' is it. My first posted piece!

EDIT: Thank you to everyone who reviewed! I'm going to keep editing.

I could write a poem for you,
say how my heart was torn in two.
Use words like ‘scars’ and ‘pain’ and ‘tears’,
but in the end, I’d still be here.
You’d still be gone, your mind still made.
My wrath would only spark then fade.
While I could cry, and shout, and scream,
and write with rage ‘bout broken dreams,
I’d rather know that I stayed calm.
Since I’m composed, and you were wrong.

Shina here again Evi This is not my final stop though. Sorry you have to be my first victim xD I chose someone closest to. my age and you're on my friends list so you were just asking to be reviewed!

For a first poem, pretty good. The second line should add "to" in the beginning because the flow breaks at the beginning of that line. Fourth line doesn't need a comma. I think you should change "since" in the last line to "now" because at the beginning of the poem you want to write a poem for this person and you should signify that you've grown since the beginning. When you say "since", it sounds like you knew all along you were composed. If you put "now" it'll seem like a change was made.

Once again an awesome poem from Evi! You do not disappoint

~Shina

Evi wrote:I don't know where this goes: Lryric or Dramatic? So, 'Other' is it. My first posted piece!

EDIT: Thank you to everyone who reviewed! I'm going to keep editing.

I could write a poem for you, Nah, you couldn't =)
say how my heart was torn in two.
Use words like ‘scars’ and ‘pain’ and ‘tears’,
but in the end, I’d still be here.
You’d still be gone, your mind still made.
My wrath would only spark and fade.
While I could cry, and shout, and scream,
and write with rage ‘bout broken dreams, I like the way you changed about to 'bout to balance the syllabes =)
I’d rather know that I stayed calm. Me too!
Since I’m composed, and you were wrong. That kind of fades out at the end (actually I read it that way... =) I like it.