Stars

Stars
Mysterious, infinite,
Sparkling, glimmering, dreaming.
Wishing to shine brighter.
Hope

This is a very interesting poem. I like stars, so poetry about the stars should be good. And, you seem to grasp the character of the stars as they dance in the sky. It creates a great imagery.

Your poem has great potential, but I think it could stand to be expanded. I think you have the perfect skeleton of a poem, but we just have to add onto it. You have the character of the stars, but you don't have the setting or the lines for them.

Comments are in Bold.

Stars:
Even though this is the title of the piece, I think it would also make a great first line for the poem. It's like this poem is describing the stars, so that's why I added the colon.

Mysterious, infinite,
I think that this should be the first part of your expansion. At the moment, these are just words and while they do apply to the stars, I think that these could be the platform for something truly unique. What makes the stars mysterious? What makes them appear to be infinite? What do you think about the stars and the words that you have applied to them?

Sparkling, glimmering, dreaming.
Again, we continue to expand this. What makes them sparkle and glimmer? Is it some one's perception of them? Or is this a part of their dance in the sky? A part of their dreaming? And what makes them dream? What are they dreaming about? Does their dreaming cause people on earth to dream? I this this word in particular is very interesting and I would like to hear more about why you connected that word to the stars. And I think its the perfect thing to include within the poem.

Wishing to shine brighter.
Again, expanding. Why do they want to shine brighter? Are they trying to achieve their wish, or are they just 'wishing?' If we wish on stars, then what do stars wish on? And, are we mimicking the stars by wishing on them?

Brilliance
I think you have two options with this one. Depending on how much you expand this poem, I do like this as just a plain, single word ending. I think it ties back to the beginning of the poem and that it sums up the whole poem in one word. I also think that you could probably also expand this word, figure out just want makes the stars 'brilliance.'

Overall: I think this poem has great potential, and that's why I talk about expanding it. I think that as it is is interesting, and I do like your impression of the stars, but I think that there is so much more that you can say about the stars--just the stars alone, not even mentioning the night sky and the expanse of space. Give it a try, see if you can find more descriptive words and actions that don't just tell us about the stars, they show us the stars.

Good luck with your poetry!

- Tatra

Stars

Mysterious, infinite,

Sparkling, glimmering, dreaming.

Wishing to shine brighter.

Brilliance

I really liked this poem xD
It's very good
I only had one issue with it:

Last sentence
Last sentences in poems have to be perfect. They have to be powerful. They have to punch their way off the page and hit us in the face. I don't really like yours and feel it's kind of a bit of a let down after the rest of this brilliant poem. It doesn't do your poem justice.

The third line:

Sparkling, glimmering, dreaming

The third word, dreaming. I don't think it fits. I'm not too sure about it, so I won't suggest anything else but maybe just look at it again. See dreaming is more something that we would do while looking at the stars, but sparkling and glimmering are qualities of the actual star. If ya get me...

Overall I loved it xD
Very good poem, definitely worth reading. It was short and sweet, and I loved it

~Lost
xoxo

Eeeeks, there was a huge big chunk in between the end of that and the part where the review finished, something happened :shocked: so I'll just do it here:

I think you should have a deeper meaning to your poem, it's very pretty just now, but pretty words don't make writing. Pretty imagery doesn't even make a piece. You need a meaning. What do you want us to feel while reading this? Give it a meaning underneath all the pretty facade. Give it some meaning.

Your imagery is great xD

expanding. Tatra made a very valid point about expanding upon your ideas. You have some really good ones but you need to go into more detail. Give them something more than they have.

Tatra's idea of starting with the word star is fantastic, you should use it.

Well done

xD

I'm not a big fan of cinquains. They seem too limiting to me. To pull a poem like this off, you need to use really descriptive words and you have to be awfully clever with the last line seeing that you can only create a sentence using four words. I agree with Tatra that this would be more suited for a longer poem. The format you have know doesn't allow much room for your true view of stars.
Overall, you did well with the type of poem. I liked it.

Keep writing!

-Sea-

I'm not familiar with this type of poem, but from what I saw, it was quite good. You definitely described stars and their wonder. I don't think you really need a meaning in this poem. This is just describing the stars vast beauty. I like what you did.

I love your imagery. I could totally imagine the stars and it is bright and sunny! That says something! Or it could be that I hurt myself and I'm seeing stars! lol!

I think this would be a good longer, more expanded poem, but what you did was great. This is just as good as any other poem. Nope, wait. It is much better than any other poem!

Don't stop writing!!! Please!

Becca

Oh, this is one of those diamond poems! You don't see too many of these anymore. Points for creativity!
I really liked this poem because it perfectly described a star, and the structure (a diamond) could also kind of represent a star (a diamond shines, so do stars; why not?). But the lack of length made it a little... iffy, I guess?
I didn't really see anything wrong with it that hasn't already been pointed out. I'd love to read more of your poetry! PM me whenever you need a review.