z

Young Writers Society


Mirror



User avatar



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 2
Tue May 31, 2005 5:07 pm
UnrequitedxDream says...



I don't usually write poetry, so I wouldn't expect much. Also, people were asking for my work so I finally posted something.

Why is my mirror broken?
What happened to the shards?
They fell away into the darkness.
Broken, lost, cannot be found
They will reflect back forever
Too many lies.
Is it possible to see,
When this mirror is broken.
What happened to me?
Am I gone just like it?
Smashed and destroyed
Am I over, just as this piece of glass?
  





User avatar
38 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 38
Tue May 31, 2005 5:54 pm
Darkmoon158 says...



Awww..my big sissy posted something finally...yay! You know I love anything you write except for that one story you forced me to read, you know which one I am talking about. Don't take it personally I'm just not one of those people who like stories about stalkers. Ok, I'm going to go and poke you really hard now...talk to you in a few minutes...hehehe...
For now I will let the blood drip from my fingers...
  





User avatar
1259 Reviews

Supporter


Gender: Male
Points: 18178
Reviews: 1259
Tue May 31, 2005 6:54 pm
Firestarter says...



It started well but by the end has just fallen into nonsensical questions that really didn't do anything for the poem. You could basically cut off the last four lines and it'd probably be better. I also don't think it was a great idea to start on a question, but perhaps that's my own personal viewpoint, and after all this is your poem.

Still, a good read.
Nate wrote:And if YWS ever does become a company, Jack will be the President of European Operations. In fact, I'm just going to call him that anyways.
  





User avatar
685 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 685
Tue May 31, 2005 10:22 pm
Rei says...



I'm also on the side of not asking questions. You can have the same effect without using actual questions by how you word sentence fragments. If you delve into the feelings behind this poem a little more, it could be really good.
Please, sit down before you fall down.
Belloq, "Raiders of the Lost Ark"
  





User avatar



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 2
Fri Jun 03, 2005 1:05 am
UnrequitedxDream says...



Thanks for your opinions everyone, but as I said before poetry is not really my strong point.
  








Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.
— Groucho Marx