Orange Peel and Apple Pips

An apple pip is those little brown pips that you find in the core of apples. They're sort of like seeds and I love threading them into my poetry because they hold a lot of childhood memories for me. Someone once told me that if you planted one in the garden, it would grow into an apple tree and being a naive child I did and that bitter disappointment when nothing happened has always clung to me. Sorry. A rather long winded explanation just to tell you what an apple pip is.

Thank you for the review, I really appreciate it =)

There must be more to life than this:

a winter wind and withered kiss

upon these frozen, sun-parched lips;

just orange peel and apple pips.

I love this! I have a strong feeling for poems with emotion and rhyme. I know how they irk some people; and dont get me wrong, they bother me when there isn't emotion to them. But I really, really liked this one. It brings to mind memories and really opens your eyes to looking at things in another perspective. Keep it up, two thumbs up. I love it.

This is really lovely Kit. It's so lyrical, and flows beautifully. I love the theme. For some reason it feels different to your other poetry...more mature or poetic or something...neither of those words are right, I can't place it, but it is different. I really love it. The imagery is beautiful and I especially enjoyed;

"a winter wind and withered kiss

upon these frozen, sun-parched lips;

just orange peel and apple pips."
The repetition of the "i" sound in that second line is brilliant.
I also like the sibilance of;
"seldom summer".

My only quibble is about;
"
We're nothing more than drops and blips;"
I think it sounds a tad forced and disrupts the otherwise perfect flow.

Overall this is really beautiful and I love the tone.

Hope this helps.

Jas

I really like this but I don't have anything to complain about. This was beautiful yet the humor painted the right thoughts, which I never seem to find in some poems. Your lines were weird but yet different, refreshing. I don't think you should change anything. This was great!
My favorite line was

There's less to love than fragile Rose

I'm terribly sorry, but i don't think you should do ANYTHING to this. Its absolutely perfect just the way it is, it is whimsical but also carries a subliminal message that I think all of us should take to heart.

"we are just orange peels and apple blips"

Good work I think i will make it a point to read more of your work!

I really enjoyed reading this poem. I really like your idea's that you put into this and it truely captures a good image.

The only thing that I would have to say is the second line just seems to have a bit of weird wording. Other then that I really think you did a great job.

Keep up the good work

Cait

Like everyone else, I really liked this. I had the same question about an apple rip til I saw your answer so now I've learned a new word.

There's less to love than fragile Rose

I like this line too.

The imagery was awesome.
A lot of people already pointed this out but the wording on this line was a little wierd:

a winter wind and withered kiss

I don't really see the connection between the two of them.

Anyway, it was awesome.

-alwaysawriter

I really loved the whimsical feeling in this poem and loved the flow of it, tats seems to bring back memories and the lines

a winter wind and withered kiss

upon these frozen, sun-parched lips;

I love the contrast between winter and sun-parched lips, seems to envoke memories even more because it hints of the past?

There's less to love than fragile Rose

who blooms in seldom summer prose.

I just found these two lines fit very well together and quite romantic sounding as its like the cherry blossoms which only bloom in the 3 short months of spring.

Lol funny about the apple pips, as my family always told me when I was little that If I ate watermelon seeds, I'd grow a watermelon in my stomach so I always made sure to spit them out

-Flora

Thanks for taking the time to review, everyone =) I'm having quite a bit of trouble revising this actually. It's not that it doesn't need some editing because I think it does but every time I make a change I find myself wishing I'd left it the same and then I scrap the new version and I'm left with this one again.

Thanks for the encouragement, extra thanks for the stars and extra extra thanks for the suggestions =)

So keep the comments coming and let me know if I can ever return the favour.

okayy.so i have poems like this.the rhyme thingy.
i LOVE poems with the rhyme thingy.
it's got loads of potential.

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LINE BY LINE COMMENTARY...


There must be more to life than this: [use a semi colon]

a winter wind and withered kiss

upon these frozen, sun-parched lips;

just orange peel and apple pips.



We're living on remains of death

with bottle caps, recycled breath,

and feeble rays of advent light

illuminate brash Beauty's blight. [forced in a way]



There's less to love than fragile Rose

who blooms in seldom summer prose.

We're nothing more than drops and blips; [blips?, err...i guess you could use a diff. word here]

just orange peel and apple pips.

This is an excellent work of art. The flow of your rhyme scheme was perfect, not one syllable seemed misplaced. Your writing definitely brought with it a sense of whimsy. The seamless connection of your words brought me to feel as the wind itself was speaking to me, thoguh I do have a tendency to create ridiculous mental images . Regardless, I enjoyed your poem very much.