The D. word

I’m going to the dentist’s;
Oh what fun’s in store!
When they’re done with me, I swear I will
Be eating through a straw.

I almost wretch in remembrance;
The masks, the drills, the chair!
I shan’t imagine any more
Else I’ll tear out all my hair!

I can see the dentist’s
It’s dangerously near.
It’s a crying shame; I’ll miss my teeth
I hold them very dear.

I’m through the dentist’s door now
Teeth aching with suspense...
The nurse smiles (the sadist!)
The fear’s just too intense!

I’m in the chair, I see the drill
I’m shaking like a leaf,
So I smack the dentist in the face,
And now she needs false teeth.

Hey, Charliebo!

Ooer, I hate the dentist, too. @_@ All of those drills and things...blurgh.

Since this is more of a cutesy poem, I won't rail on you too much for attempting the rhyming scheme (which is crazy difficult and those who brave it long enough deserve medals), but I do think you should read some authors who are good at doing rhyme and rhythm--you can check out any number of kid's poets, like Silverstein or Prelutsky, to see good examples at how this is done. A few basic tips:

- Plan your rhyme scheme beforehand, and make sure that the words actually rhyme. Store and straw don't rhyme, or at least not in American English--if there's a huge discrepancy, it might be worth it just to pick different words.

- Keep a rhythm scheme, too. It sounds a lot better if all of the lines have the same number of syllables, or at least similar lines (that is, lines that don't rhyme and lines that do).

- Read about different types of structured poems. If you can't find a good how-to guide in a poetry book, you can always check the internet.

- Don't confine yourself to a certain point of view because you're trying to make it cute. A lot of humor is found in your own individual point of view--what do you think about the dentist? Striving to be original will make you a lot funnier than just going by what everyone else does all the time.

__

Thanks for the read, charliebo--definitely made me giggle. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions or want me to take a look at something else. ^_^

hey this poem is funny it shows how almost everyone feels about going to the dentist
i only have a few suggestions

When they’re done with me, I swear I will

i know that what your doing here is four verses in a stanza, but this really should be two seperate verses.
also, if you are going to ryhme then you should rhyme throughout the whole poem. store and straw don't rhyme.
those are all of the tips i have for you on this poem. i really like the last stanza though if you have any question please pm me
happy writing