The Blanket Covers

So many lives taken;

Not one smile.

So many souls forsaken;

It's been a while.



The razors lay stained,

And the pills are gone.

The blood's been drained;

It didn't take too long.



The blood lies still,

But the wound goes deep.

Through all sweeps a chill,

And all begin to weep.



A young pair of lovers

Slain by their own hands.

It's them the blanket covers:

Off to the Promised Land.

Hello, Nolan!

I think this has quite the potential to become a great piece. I have a few nit-picks, however.

So many lives taken;



Not one smile.



So many souls forsaken;



It's been quite a while.

This is an OK start for the poem. I just feel that the last line breaks the flow because of its length.

The razors lay stained,



And the pills are gone.



The blood's been drained;



It didn't take too long.

Again, the same thing as above. And do "gone" and "long" rhyme? Hmm.

The blood lies still,



But the wound lies deep.



Through everyone sweeps a chill,



And all begin to weep.

You use the word "lies" two times here, watch it so it won't be redundant. Now the flow breaks on the third line; you'll notice what I mean when you read it out loud.

A young pair of lovers



Slain by their own hands.



It's them the blanket covers:



Off to the Promised Land.

This is my favourite stanza. I love the lovers-covers thing, it's so easy but still pretty.

very interesting. I must admit that i wasn't sure whether you were being metaphorical about the blanket (i feel like an idiot for admitting it!), but i liked the poem. It was short, and to the point with a clear theme, which is very positive!
My only critisism/suggestion really, is to take out the third stanza. I don't know why, but it feels awkward, and i don't think it's needed. The poem would stand well without it.
Please consider. It's just a suggestion. Also, it detracts a little from the stanza before, because you repeat the word blood.

that's all. I really liked the poem, and will keep an eye out for you other stuff.
best of luck!
from charlie.

This poem was intense. I haven't read anything like it before and I thought that it was very good and I think that you are such an incredible writter. I love how there is so much power in just one poem. I hope to read more stuff from you.
Keep up the great work