I'm sorry, this is going to be a useless critique but I figured you'd like the compliment anyway - I loved this. The voice was great and the poem was entertaining. I liked the message as well - the speaker could be talking to me, about to give my pointless opinion!
If I had to make a suggestion, I would say that the line in parenthesis is the weakest. Also, there's repetition of 'come tell me', which you could maybe switch for something else. However, for me, it doesn't detract from the poem at all. Well done!
My critique isn't going to help very much either. I loved this! Your rhyming rocks! This is such a short and sweet poem. This poem was very entertaining and captured my interest. Awesome job!
Becca
P:S: This poem connected with me. There is usually nothing in my mind.
Haha, it reminds me of a mother goose rhyme!
Only a few suggestions:
1: You capitalize the first letter in every line, but I would leave the ones that are not the beginning of a sentence lower case to make it easier to read. Right now I sorta read each line as a new sentence.
2.Oh, I lost it. Oh well, it wasn't much anyways.
Great poem. I can see this so well illustrated in a children's book of poetry or something like that.... keep up the good work!
Of course it's happening in your mind, but why on earth should that mean it isn't real?
That was a wonderful poem! Your rhythm was great and the lines always rhymed. The best part was the end, that was hilarious. It probably would've been a little better if you had put a comma or period after every line. Overall, it was really great! Keep it up! ^-^
Odd, I hate poetry but love this. It's so wrong to call this a critique but honestly, loved it. I am jealous too of course. Your ability to rhyme surpasses mine on so many levels, it's embarrassing.
Alright, at first I was all, " Ack! It rhymes! Run away, run away! " * I seem to be afraid of rhymeing. * I loved this.
*I would give you a gold star if my computer would allow it, but the screen's not wide enough.* Love it, no changes suggested.
_MidnightVampire
I realized that I said I'd be gone for only two weeks...but I was gone for much longer.I hope to stay on this time.
I like it!
