A Wacky Riddle Poem

Hello! Welcome to YWS!
Just here to inform you of the rules here. Remember to check out the rules and guides at the top of the screen labled about and there will be everything you need to know. Try to keep your post ratio to two reviews to every piece of literary work that you post, 2:1. Also do not use chat speak in your work. Use full words and capitalize all words that need capitalizing. For example "Ur" is your or you're. and "i" is I. As this is a writing site we try to keep everything as clean as possible. Thanks!

P.S. If you have any questions about the site, contact a mod or myself and we'll be more than glad to answer them and help you out.

Happy Writing!
~Rieda

[quote]Ok, I lied,
I coudnt resist,
But, hey, atleast I tried,
It all went into the mist,
I laughed, I cried,[b] cliche[/b]
But lying was not on my list,
the truth it died,[b]cliche[/b]
whats more to insist,

Ok, I admitted it,
yet, u r still wondering,[b]"u" is not actually how you spell the word "you" A little hint for on here, never ever use chat speak. We don't even allow it in out chat room.[/b]
and, i'll tell u in a bit,[b]capitalize your I's[/b]
so, ur confusion's wandering,[b]again the "ur" in place of your is not attractive nor will it be tolerated on this site. Fix it[/b]
my pleasure is fully lit,
yet, u r procrastinating [b]"r" is spelled "are"
but, please dont have a fit,
Ur mind is only lingering,
[/quote]

Please don't use chat speak on this site. Read the rules before posting any of your works on any site. Here it specifically states that you need to review two works before posting one of your own. You have posted two of your own without reviewing anything, which is seen as very rude on this site.

Using correct spelling and grammar is a must unless there is a reason you are not. Which I can see no reason to use chat speak in poetry. Ever.

Please read the rules before posting anything else.

it would have been much more effective if you had only used the first stanza. the title indicates that it is a riddle, you don't need a couple dozen lines to play with the reader without telling him anything else. it goes on and on needlessly in the last half. and i couldn't figure out what it is

ps. ding is an awesome word

okay, good, you fixed the chatspeak. i personally have nothing against it, it's just that the rules require it.

this was mildly funny, but not what i'd call "hilarious".

the last part was clever, though.

and don't worry, cliche is okay when you're doing humor.

I know! It's a clock! Awesome poem! I won't give you the 2:1 ratio, since people already have. What would make your poem a bit better is if you put other punctuation except for the comma. For example:

I'm thinking of a thing,
Its brown and yellow,
It makes a ding,
Its round and mellow,
It likes to sing,
It dances like jello,
Its got serious bling,
It aint an ordinary fellow,

instead, you could do this:

I'm thinking of a thing,
Its brown and yellow.
It makes a ding,
Its round and mellow.
It likes to sing,
It dances like jello.
Its got serious bling,
It aint an ordinary fellow!

Or something like that. It just bumps it up a little, because it has no voice to it. Putting other punctuation gives it more feeling. Have fun editing! PM me if you have any questions!

Hehe, that's pretty funny, I never felt it needlessy dragged on, I loved how it did that, it reminded me of someone playing mindgames. It's unique . Very. I can't say much more, other than it's quite funny and very well written.

Overall: This earns a star in my book

Good luck
VSN

Grr! What it is?

Hehe, I too quite liked this, once you get over the punctuation problems ect. It's a first draft, I know- but a good, and esstential habit to get into when writing any type of work.

I liked the way you poked fun at forced rhyming, and that you didn't that yourself too seriously. Poetry is flooded with people verging on pretentious, these days. Maybe it always has been.

Anyways, good job! *Clicks gold star

Welcome to YWS by the way! I mostly, review/write poetry so you can PM if you need something read or with questions.

Eimear