Young Writers Society

He was the people.

The voice and the primary object in their lives.

Their struggle, their salvation.
Now it was time to fight to make their dream a reality.

And make that reality as clear and more vivid than water on a beautiful day.

Now they had the confidence,

The reassurance,

No, The hope in their hearts and minds that they will prevail.

They saw in him a true hero.

This doesn't seemed like poetry at all. It doesn't flow and it isn't structured like a proper poem should. You should try to rewrite this. Good luck and best wishes!

He was the people.

This reminds me of Hamlet, in which the king's body functions as a metaphor for the entire kingdom ^_^

the voice and the primary object in their lives.
Their struggle their salvation.Now it was time to fight to make their dream a reality.

This is too vague to make any impact. I have no idea who "they" are or what "they" do, or how the king really has an impact on their lives. As a result, this call to arms sounds like a generic one-liner.

The rest of the poem doesn't make much sense; I think it's still too vague. Is it not finished? The last sentence isn't complete and doesn't have any punctuation whereas the rest of the poem did. Vivid imagery concentrating on a specific event or emotion will really strengthen this. Try more for the specific instead of the grand and general. Happy writing!

Hmmm... like everyone else said, this doesn't seem completed.

It sounds like you were writing a story, not really poetry. It was telling, not showing. The last sentence doesn't even seem finished, and after all of the periods, there was not space. When this is completed or makes sense, maybe then I'll give it a proper critique. I don't really know what else to say about it now. Good luck!

~Jamie

Just like they said...

This just isn't poetry--at all! No flow, no rhythm, no life, so passion--no nothing. I suggest you try to space it out, number one, add flow, rhythm, and etc., number two. Then repost it and we can actually review it, okay? But I suggest you do try to rewrite it, okay? This would sound amazing if only it had flow and life to it!

Okay for all you people new to literature, You should know poetry doesn't have to rhyme.It has other forms this one happens to be an ode.Look it up, Google it if your that confused.


p.s

and now matter how i edit the piece it just keeps turning out unfinished I'll try one more time but if it doesn't work the lat word is "hero!"

and maby i should change the tittle it would give you a good Idea to who the Ode is Reffering to.(No not Hamlet)

We didn't say it needed to rhyme to be a poem. It needs a flow, stanzas, or some kind of structure, and if it doesn't rhyme, the poem should be common sense. This "poem" lacks all of that. Sorry.

What you had was good but I don't think its a poem and no where near an ode. An ode usually has three parts and some sort of rhythm. you had sentence within sentence which sort of made for a more stumble feel rather than flowing. It needs alot of work, but I like the outline of it. If its an ode,than I respest that it doesn't look like every other but stay true to the basics of it.

Ah, I understand a little better now that I've looked up Rasullulah (which I should have done in the first place)!

Just for questions' sake, is the ode in the title meant to be just the format for the title and poem, or did the peoples' actions themselves create the ode? Either way, more detail is needed, since the poem is more about the people than it is about him.

[A quick note on format: While the content should be and is the majority of what's looked at, proper spacing and capitalization are helpful, and will always make any reader more receptive to what they're reading. Also, let me know if you continue to have problems editing in "hero" and I'll see what I can do to help ]

i love Rasulullah!
the people did find in him a hero, good job.