my eyes go to you and how you look at me. <'my' needs to be capitalized Can't help but to think of how it felt the taste of it all braided in my mind. <there needs to be a comma, semicolon, hyphen...something after "felt" it all happens fast but i won't deny what happened was bliss. <'it' needs to be capitalized. 'i' is a proper noun and also needs to be capitalized in ALL lines...not just this one. And when you end a line with a period the next line is capitalized. I would also consider ditching "i won't deny" completely. i try to feel bad but it just won't happen.< ditch "won't" replace with "doesn't"its relief for it all to come down to this. < "its" is "it's" and is capitalized, needs to be an "a" between "it's" and "relief." for it all to end lie this.< this doesn't make sense? mutual among the pack or so you say,still to this day < "still to this day" should be a new line you are reluctant to show how you feelings to me <"feelings" should be "feel" and should have a period after 'me' at this very moment you hid them, locked them in the stone casing known as your heart. <is it this very moment or that very moment? "this very moment" suggest a present tense but it's followed with "hid" and "locked" which are past tense. i nilch just remebering how it felt. < "nilch" is not the right word here. the feel of it all i wish to regain.
All in all it's tired. It's kind of a boring subject, has no specifics, is a common topic.
mostly it's biggist issoo is that It wasnt proof read. i cant tell u how much i stress pruf reading. Seriously, proof read it. If you don't take the time to proofread your own poem them why should we take the time out to critique it? "i" is always capitalized, after a period the next word is capitalized...this is very basic stuff. Proofreading will catch most of what I stated above on the poem.
You should write more poems.
I enjoyed this though.
