Up at night

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Days gone by
Nights have flied
Wishes have been dreamt
Prayers left unsaid
Everyone is sleeping
Everyone but you
Creeping around
Up and down
Worrying to the ground
Pacing around
Biting your nails
Speaking to yourself
What is on your mind?
What is keeping you up at night?
Is it tomorrow?
What does tomorrow hold?
A fear
A fight
A nice sunny day darken with fright
You should sleep
Sleep in the bed next to you
Don’t let worries get to you
Tomorrow is tomorrow
Today is today
Tonight is tonight when the fright goes away




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Oh dear...here we go....

Days gone by
Nights have flied------------(flown? fled? flied isn't a word, dear)
Wishes have been dreamt
Prayers left unsaid
Everyone is sleeping
Everyone but you
Creeping around
Up and down
Worrying to the ground
Pacing around ----------------(eliminate this around or the one two lines up)
Biting your nails
Speaking to yourself
What is on your mind?
What is keeping you up at night?
Is it tomorrow?
What does tomorrow hold?
A fear
A fight
A nice sunny day darken with fright-----(darkened with fright?)
You should sleep
Sleep in the bed next to you
Don’t let worries get to you
Tomorrow is tomorrow
Today is today
Tonight is tonight when the fright goes away---------(i like the rhyming, but the reader isn't stupid. Yes, today is today and tomorrow is tomorrow. big deal.)

The biggest problem I have with this piece is that I just don't give a damn. So this person is up all night? Obviously the narrator doesn't care, and the indifferent tone leaves me, the reader, with the same sentiments. I like the simplicity of the language and the rhythm, so I'm not sure how to help you fix the problem of tone...but that's how it feels to me.
Sing lustily and with a good courage. Beware of singing as if you were half dead, or half asleep; but lift up your voice with strength.




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What does tomorrow hold?

Should be taken out completely. I read it without it, and it sounded so much better.
Nights have flied
Galatea is right..."flied" is no word. It should be flown--or, could be fled. I think flown is more fitting though.
Tonight is tonight when the fright goes away
"Fright" was really, a strange word, I guess I should say for this type of poem, rather. Also, the second "tonight" isn't really needed in my opinion.
So, with changes, it could/should be:
Tonight is when all fear goes away.
Or, at least something very similar.
Other than that, I was able to understand, and I really liked this.
when there's nowhere to go, it's time to grow up.




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I'm not a good critic, so I won't say much... But I liked reading it. The ending lines :
Don’t let worries get to you
Tomorrow is tomorrow
Today is today
Tonight is tonight when the fright goes away
are the best part, according to me. (I think some other word in place of 'fright' would be better)... Anyway, I enjoyed reading it. :)
(:I'm going to live my life, or die trying... :)




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Dude... how can you even thread bump that epically?



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