dirty wine

16 posts1, 2
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This poem has very good imagery, so bravo, but the world 'mash' seems out of place, less romantic and passionate and more five-year-old-ish. Also, the ending kind of drifts off, like maybe it had another stanza but you forgot to type it out. Fix those two things, add some punctuation and voila! Fabulous! 8)
“To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.” - Freya Stark



This planet has - or rather had - a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much all of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movement of small green pieces of paper, which was odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.
— Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy