An Unknown Shadow

You hear it,
you feel it,
you know something's wrong.
You look behind you,
but nothing's there.
You fear everything around you,
though nothing's there.
You feel empty,
forgotten,
like a shadow in the dark.
Do not fear,
for you only fear yourself,
as an unknown shadow.

Can I sum up what I just read: Oh no, your scared! but you are only scared of yourself, and you are a shadow that you don't know.

Or something. You know, I think I'm going to quote incan on this one because I am not as good as being honest as he is.

Incandescence wrote:Two fundamental definitions:

1. Journal entry / Blog--Writing in which the writer tells the reader what emotions the writer is experiencing or what happens during some event.

2. Poem--Writing in which the writer causes the reader to experience emotion about something.

This is a 1. It's "self expression" at its worst and shows us nothing other than the writer totally self-absorbed in him- or herself, staring with rapt fascination into the intricacies of his or her own navel as if it were the only subject of interest in the world--and to the writer, it probably is. Not so, alas, to the reader who cares little or nothing about the writer or the writer's navel but who rather comes to poetry to experience and to feel something himself.


All the best,
Brad

I'm sure brad won't mind.

I read this critique of his earlier, and I think it fits here too.

One other thing, you could pull this off if it read good. use rhymes, rhythm and style to make your poem read nicely.

But even with that, if you aren't writing something that the read cares about and (go back up to Incan's post) then try something other than poetry.

nice dude BUT i know but, {du dun dunn dunnn } it sounds too much like your a narrator. try and make it seem like the poem isnt someone reading it, making it seem as if to be itself. Make it the reader, not the thing being read. keep writng dude and post a couple comments on my pieces well your at it

Hey anthony!!! Guess who!? That's right it's chris! i love this poem! it's awesome. It could use a little work though. I know i already told you that but....yeah. okay so i will read your other poems and things...is Matt BLACKWINGS_ANGEL? i'm curious

I like it! it reminds me of one of my favorite quotes:

"Our weaknesses are like dogs; if we run from them, they chase after us. if you walk towards them, they run away."

I like this poem because it tells us that what we all fear is our weaknesses.
cool.

Keep writing!

First, a few technical errors. I noticed that a couple of times you used the words "nothings" and "somethings". You should either write that "nothing is" or "something is" or "nothing's" or "something's".
I thought that the idea of this poem is cool... Good subject matter and some good lines. I can relate very well to the situation. However I thought the presentation of the subject matter was a bit boring. You could have made it a bit more "hip" by writing from a different perspective or adding some kind of other dramatic imagery that really makes the reader stop and think (or raise their eyebrows in surprise). I don't know how I can be more helpful without re-writing the poem myself, but you could try and make the reader feel really scared while reading this poem, and at the end, make them feel really relieved when they realize it was only their own shadow. Just some ideas to think about. Overall, a nice poem.

~El Hidalgo Don Quixote de la Mancha

I don't really have anything to say. I was pretty good, nice and short, but something just didn't hit it off for me. Keep up the good work.