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Oh RachaelElg! I love it! I devoured it! Your writing style is so clever, so personal without that sloppiness I've seen sometimes when people (like me) try to pull off personal. Through the whole thing I was like "Oh that line was awesome! No THAT line is awesome!" lol. I know I'm gushing, but we all need some praise and you deserve it. Even when I got to the were-ninja-pirate-angel-demon-wolf, and I stopped to think "Whaaaa?", I was enjoying myself.
Anyways, I don't have any critics except there were a few misplaced or missing comas.
Grood Jorb! (extra r's make it more powerful)

I will be honest with you I didn't really like this short story.

New school, new year, new student of the new year at the new school. A fresh start. At first I was lonely and wanted to return to the less lonely but still lonely place I had come from. Then, with impeccable timing, in walks Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome to lunch one day. He’s gorgeous, he’s perfect, I drooled a little there and a little more at home. I did my research,

This sounds remarkably similar to that over used,over read, sappy,love story called the Twilight Saga.

when I met up with him only to discover him shifting into normal human Sam Parker from the form of a winged wolf with vampire teeth, devil horns, a ninja mask, a pirate hat, and angel wings.

When I read this I was thinking Whoa! It sounds like the tornado of supernatural powers and features landed right on top of him. To say the least it gave me a really weird picture of what he must of looked like that I can't imagine ever corresponding with a handsome boyfriend. I am sure you're a great writer but,I just don't like this story at all. Have a great day. Fiction

Thanks Talulahbelle! I'll go round up those commas. I turn my back for one second, and they go get themselves misplaced or lost. What can you do.

And fiction903, it's supposed to be similar to Twilight. It's a spoof of all the Young Adult literature on the market right now where "average" teenage girls fall in love with boys who aren't quite human.

Wow. I absolutely loved this. The way you write is so absorbing, it absolutely pulls the reader in. I only saw one mistake and it was the mispelling of 'Bleck.' I didn't notice any grammar mistakes as I was enjoying it too much. And the super winged wolf with vampire teeth, devil horns, a ninja mask, a pirate hat, and angel wings thing was awesome, I was laughing through that.

I like the description and your MC's voice resounds through the piece which I liked. My favourite bit was at the end when he killed her. This was mainly because it was a huge change compared to the other books I have been reading lately. I absolutely adore Sam and his winged wolf with vampire teeth, devil horns, a ninja mask, a pirate hat, and angel wings(I am forced to copy and paste that down. ) Maybe he can help eradicate all the Sparkling vampires in the world.

Keep Writing, Anger.

Three words for you: This. Is. Amazing. Really, that's the only way I can describe it. This is genius! I love the main character. She has a nice little sense of humor that manages to be sarcastic and truthful simultaneously, which is really realistic for a nerdy teenager. It's like she's face-palming (just made that up) herself the entire time, and it's enjoyable to read. The writing is smooth as well. One line flows into the next with no hesitation and no choppiness at all. It's like cake batter; slow-moving, smooth, and utterly delicious. And the mystery! They mystery is fabulous. One doesn't really know what's going on until the end, which is great. Too much foreshadowing can really be bad for a piece, but you handled it well. I could read this many times over and never get tired of it.

Wow...your story kept me racing down the page, hungering for more...it's beautiful in it's own way, and kind of creepy...keep writing!

I loved your story, and I love the conflict, emotions, and the pain at the end, especially the way you described the death. However, maybe your story was a little fast paced, but the sarcasm and the hidden jokes (were there hidden jokes, because I saw a few) at the end was quite interesting.

Hey Rach!
Wow. This short story is cool.
The MC's voice is unique. I mean, it hooks us up.
It hooked me up, even though I don't like super natural boyfriends (especially the ones that kill you).
Write more. XD
I really liked it.

-KAT <3

Wow!

Thanks everyone!

I don't much like superhuman boyfriends either. I prefer mine perfectly human, if I do say so myself

And hidden jokes? They're probably there without me even noticing they got written in. My friends would probably find them without much difficulty.

Thanks again, everybody!

Rach

i liked this story. i don't really know why though.... i guess because i thought the end was exciting. i never read that in twilight!! and i loved how you used the different thinking, like 'i', 'we', and 'they'. i don't really get how that works, I'm new here, but i still like it. please review my story, its the first one i ever typed!!XD I'm so excited!!XD

Wow! This was an amazing read!
The writing was incredibly smooth, if you know what I mean. There was no disruption anywhere and the story carried on very well which I know can be extremely hard to achieve. Considering it was meant to be dark you it was very funny! Although your characters were not elaborated very much at all they were very easy to identify with, and the repetitiveness of the Tall-Dark-and-Handsome thing was very clever. I honestly don't think that this story can be improved, I loved it and I think you should write more like it!
Bravo!

Aw, man, this was pretty epic xD! I was pretty much scanning for grammer, punctuation, and spelling mistakes (ha, yeah, I'm a Nazi for that stuff), and amazingly enough I found none in particular that I caught. The beginning was very mysterious and blunt, and drew me in right away. It sort of reminded me of Twilight, though...bluck, lol. Write more things like this! Because if you quit, sooner or later you'll be thinking:
I never should have let this happen. (Pun intented).

I really enjoyed this short story! At first I was a little bit iffy on continuing to read it but I wasn't at all let down! I liked how you used the whole "I", "You", and "We" bit. This short story had me laughing (Especially the Tall, Dark, Handsome, and Mysterious bit) and thinking back on all the YA novels that I have read over the years and how cliche they all are. How everything flowed together made me keep reading on and on! Superb!