A first look

"Cassie can you actually believe in a matter of months I'm going to be getting my fairy wings from the very fairy queen herself?" Adriana asked. A twinkle in her violet eyes. Cassie stopped her dancing and gave her friend a knowing look. "Girl we have known this already", Cassie replied. I know but I can't have anything or anybody ruining this moment every future faerie dreams of this moment and if something were to ruin the moment I would be ruined with it. Taking her hair from her ponytail she let her raven colored hair cascade down her back in gentle waves. Adriana's hair was something Cassie had always been envious of. Compared to her dull shoulder length blond hair adriana's hair was absolutely gorgeous. "Hey Cassie, how do you think we should celebrate my getting wings?" Adriana asked. Cassie's green eyes looked at her in knowing. Maybe their usual wouldn't cut it this time, this was a major moment in her best friends life. Spending all day in the sand just would not be appropriate. Returning to her dancing she said, I'm sure we will have some up with something when the time comes. That was if their time came. You see the girls were about to be put to a test and neither knew. So when their rival showed up bearing her casual wicked red lipped grin they knew that she wanted something and when ivy wanted something she usually wound up getting it no matter the price and no matter who had to make the sacrifice.

Your critic here!

This was very good but remember that format is very important. A new paragraph needs to be formed when there is a new speaker at least, so there isn't just on huge paragraph.

babymagic18 wrote:I know but I can't have anything or anybody ruining this moment every future faerie dreams of this moment and if something were to ruin the moment I would be ruined with it.

This sentence changed point of view from the rest of the story. Be sure to keep in the same person or if its someone thoughts italicize it.

babymagic18 wrote:You see the girls were about to be put to a test and neither knew.

The point of view changed again from third to second person. Be careful with this. Next time say something like "A secret test was approaching, but neither girl knew."
Also, it would have been neat if you added some more about the test onto it, just to keep the reader interested.

Hope This helps!
~Cassi

Hi,

Ivy as in ivy or person? If person - capitalize. A little thing to fix (like not having quotes when a character speaks) before posting that a writer could catch on her own, especially the post is only one paragraph long.

That pragraph needs to be split up, though. Usually when a new person speaks - and the quotes aren't missing - he or she gets a new line, just like that.

Fairies, she's dancing - oh so many things only mentioned that could be expanded and made fantastic. So, my suggestion is hit enter as many times as necessary. Then around that dialogue, build. Add details (setting, place - fairies!). This is extremely short, crammed. Like a stretched rubber band (except the other way around), and those hurt. Expand! You have words, you have time, you have everything you need Play.