Sea Bait

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From what I can tell, this is a typical hero-myth story with...merpeople? The plot is not very original, but if you make the events at least semi-interesting and the characters likable, I guess you'll have a good readership. Sea Bait doesn't seem very interesting in this piece, he's just performing the part of the stereotyped hero. If you give Sea Bait a few quirks and keep in mind that the other elements will have to work extra hard to compensate for the trite plot, I suppose you can pull this off.

Heyy, Lee-Anna here! First, I'd like to say you've got an okay idea going here. I'm just going to help with the grammatical errors.

I sing to the lord of the Waters my dear boy, you have no right to stop an ancient song, and to do so is sin.”

I'm pretty sure there should be a comma after Waters and a period after boy. "You have no right to stop an ancient song...." is a main clause. Oh, and should lord be capitalized? Because it's kind of his...title, I guess--Lord of the Waters. It should be

I sing to the Lord of the Waters, my dear boy. You have no right to stop an ancient song, and to do so is sin.

“Yes Captain!” The rugged man quick scampered off to deliver the orders.

It's a noun of direct address, so you need a comma after yes. Oh, and I'm not sure captain should be capitalized. It's kind of like Princess Fiona is capitalized the princess isn't.

He chucked, “That is what makes me a warrior.”

I think you might mean chuckled. And if you do mean chucked, I don't think you need a comma, but a period, because chucked means to toss in a quick motion or to tap and pat lightly under the chin.

She sighed. “I believe you are right,” she said.

There is really nothing wrong with this sentence, I just think it would sound better if you got rid of "she said." Just my personal opinion.

Those were all the errors I noticed. Keep up the good work!

Hi, PenNPaper here.

This was an interesting read, although there were a few minor errors though.

I couldn't figure one thing, is the Sea Bait the MC's name, or title?

Other than that, this was a good story, keep up the good work. I hope to see the next part coming out soon.

Sea Bait is the MC's name and the Title's name. I might change that though...
Thanks for the reviews guys, I understand what I've done wrong and I'll go back and change that.

~Pink