Young Writers Society

After months and months of struggling, I've finally got my fire back. I've given up on the everyday man situations I was trying to write, and decided to go back to my roots and write something dark and intense. A combination of fantasy, sci-fi and adventure; this novel is a testimony to my spiritual observations throughout my 21 years of living. I hope that you enjoy this; it's about a boy found in the desert who is given the task of saving the world he lives in, and uniting the world from evil spirits who have disobeyed the Great Spirit, causing havoc in their own zones of the planet. This young man is the only one who can save the planet from its own destruction.

Once agian, I hope you enjoy this, and I would welcome any advice or critiques you can give me. I haven't written a real novel like this since late 2007. I could use the help, mates.

Krupp

WARNING: This is tentatively rated PG-13 for some language and drug abuse.

I'll review this when I can Should be done in a few hours

EDIT:- Done. Very good I must say can't wait for more. I've included all my reviews in the file so I don't have much else to say.

Thanks a lot. I appreciate it. I can't say when I'll have any more done, but I'm sure more will be written over the weekend...

edit: I should probably mention that the beginning of chapter 3 is going to explain more about the planet and life and death. Just thought I'd mention that...

Chapter 2 has been fixed and is now up for reading. Chapter 3 will come later this week, I'm sure...

Chapter 3 is finished and ready to go. This time, I'd warn you that there's a bit more strong language in this one. Two words, but harsher than previously...

Yo,
just read the three chapters.
It is an interesting world that is coming into focus. Kind of post-appocalyptical, and very visual. Take Lu. Lu looks like a 1960's Clint Eastwood. As Sergio Leone said about him - 'I chose him for the part, because he had two facial expressions - with a hat, and without a hat'. In a way, the same seems to go for Kisos. Both main male protagonists are poker-faced drinkers, in the best Pulp tradition of the 1930's and 1940's. Closer to Hammet and Chandler then to Howard so far, but we never know, do we? And in a mysterious sci-fi setting. "But no one dies in the Nulls" hehe.

Occasional bursts of style are very convincing. Kisos sweating in the elevator was a lovely scene. Mentaly taking it out on a girl was also psychologically sound, but the atmosphere of his inernal dialogues was desolate like a My Dying Bride piece
Two things switched on my 'internal consistency alarms':

1. Kisos seems like a mentally unbalanced juvenile, jamping from mood to mood, behaving in a way like Backby (I think that was the name) from Trainspotting. I don't know if it would make sense for the spirits who run the show to use unstable juvenile chaps like that. But then again, this is only the third chapter, and the reader - me - is still very much in the dark concerning the conext.

2. People who live for centuries but behave as if they were sixteen year olds... Could happen, but I hope a plausable explanation will pop up sooner or later.

And what is that flirting with the waitress?! hehehe. Especially spilling his guts out to her - not quite professional is it? Again at this point Kisos acts like a cheap down and out confiding to an understanding bar wench that soon he'll find a real nice gig - not as a super-cool super-killer utilized by the highest authority around. Then again Matin Amis for instance revels in creating characters like that and showing the growing gulf between their inner perceptions of themselves and the realty-factor.

P.S. not sure if I read your tastes right, but hopefully you will love this:
http://books.google.bg/books?id=4mDcPbh ... q=&f=false

A google book link to Godsdoom: The Book of Hagen by Nikolaĭ Perumov, splendid Russian sword and sorcery with the protagonists conspiring to bring down the gods

To conclude - starts as a nice, gloomy, gritty sci fi pulp. Very visual, good descriptions scattered around, and, as previously said - great bursts of style.

Thanks for reading. I looked up the book you mentioned, but oddly enough, the pages weren't loading up or something. Weird. I'll have to find it around somewhere in a store.

I've had chapter 4 done for a while, and 5 is pretty much wrapped up as well. I'll post the fourth one now. I'll be reading your story eventually, by the way. I'm just a tad bit busy today.

Yo,
I see we have a 'flashback - inner gaze' chapter here. Taking place between the young positive dude waking and dozing off. Each of the three characters has a go at retreating to memories or to fantasies. And yet, still all three sound like neither of them has reached twenty. I am almost certain now, then when people went immortal in that plane, their brain sinapses froze - they stopped decaying, but also stopped develping Or, there could be a kind of bell-curve, where after the first hundred years people come back to where they started from haha.
Now,style wise, this chapter seems to be in a, hehe, Null zone between then epic/majestic, and the matter of fact. For instance the kid's 'great spirit' trip - falling on his knees, mouthing prayers, feeling the world, etc. You can beef it up with poetic moving images and inner turbulances, or you can make it a stripped matter of fact description in an atmosphere of cold emptiness. For now it seems to be somewhere between the two, and I think I have the reason for that. So far the most convincing descriptions have been in connection to the two stonefaced pulp characters. While this karate jesus kid, and the girl, are still kind of neither here nor there. Even when they are the center of the narrative, still in a way as if seen through the pulp character's eyes. But - since you've gone for the multiple point of view in different chapters structure, you have to make an effort to breathe a more convincing life into them. And a more convincing life means, I think, giving them a specific mannerism in behavior, and a specific tone of the inner dialogues. And in case your reaction is 'but I did just that!', the answer is 'more!more! try more!' hahaha.
Waiting for the 5th chapter
P.S. I think the Perumov books downloads fine if you start at the first pages, the next ones download in time. If you go too much forward, the mechanism busts and they don't donwload. But just in case they don't - try some Viktor Pelevin
http://pelevin.nov.ru/pov/en-hermit/1.html
http://pelevin.nov.ru/romans/en-omon/index.html