What do you think about the preface to my story?

Leaves were strewn across the soil which was tinted black by the lack of sunlight and the amount of trees looming, stretching high above the bushes, filled with blooming black roses, that engulfed most of the ground on which the tall girl stood. She was young, couldn't be more than fifteen or sixteen at the most, and her straight black hair flowed down to her waist, maybe longer. She wore a blank expression on her face, as though she was there in body, but not in spirit. She knew what was going to happen to her when the shape emerged from the darkness that reached far beyond her, and was not scared. She remained stationary as the prowling figure approached, sharp, sabre teeth bared and tinged slightly red. She didn't even flinch as the figure advanced on her slowly, slowly, into the scarce light that she could see in. It was as though she had already died when the figure pounced upon her.
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I like it, personally. I find it... mysterious, y'know? But that's my opinion. Complain or compliment, I just want somebody to comment on my work, to see if I can make it any better.

*sigh* You know, nobody ever replies to me.

I will reply, because I have gone through what you are going through right now.

Nobody replies because you post the stuff on the wrong places...

Hence no one replies. Write the first chapter or prologue of the story and post it in the "writing" forums.. then we will reply.

Regards from Lord Anzius

Hi there!

You might want to be a bit more patient, sometimes it takes people awhile to reply to things. ^_^ I know I've got chapters of my story weeks or months old with no replies-- we're not a huge site, and most responses aren't going to be immediate-- people like to put thought into their answers, and it takes them awhile. A review written in ten or fifteen minutes is going to be better than one scribbled out in under ten seconds. ^^ (Also, I think this might be the wrong category-- if it is, I'm sure one of the mods will move it).

By the way, keep in mind how important it is to write a lot of reviews, too-- people know you a lot better if you stop by and help review their stories, and they like to come and repay the favor. So maybe stop by one of the literature sections, pick a genre that interests you, and write some reviews. It can be a lot of fun-- I've found so many unexpected gems on this site, it's amazing and inspiring. ^_^

Okay, enough of that, let's get to your story!

Well, that was definitely very mysterious and interesting. ^_^ I'm curious to read more, even though this is only one paragraph, so we don't have a lot to go on right now. I want to know what the story is with the girl, and why she seems to be so mentally gone, why she has no fear. She could be a fascinating character if written well, and I'd love to read it.

The only suggestion I have is this:

Leaves were strewn across the soil which was tinted black by the lack of sunlight and the amount of trees looming, stretching high above the bushes, filled with blooming black roses, that engulfed most of the ground on which the tall girl stood.

That's... a really long sentence. XD It sounds like someone is talking exxxtreeeemely out of breath, and ends up feeling almost a little silly-- probably not exactly the mood you're aiming for, right? I'd suggest breaking it up a bit, into something like this:

Leaves were strewn across the soil, tinted black by the lack of sunlight and the trees: looming, stretching high above the bushes. They were filled with blooming black roses, which engulfed most of the ground on which the tall girl stood.

Not the best; it's early over here and I'm tired. XD But you kind of get the idea.

Anyway, I'll gladly read more of this, it was nice to read your work!

It's an impressive beginning. And the last sentence stole my heart. I think it's mysterious as well, but at the moment there's not much to go on-not much action and no dialogue. My pet peeve here is that the girl doesn't have a name yet-I hate stories with nameless main characters! I think the description was vivid though. Why don't you send me a PM when you've posted more of this story?

Hello there! I know this post is old but, I was looking through the Writer's Corner and stumbled upon this and if I must say I love it! Just one little thing.

Leaves were strewn across the soil which was tinted black by the lack of sunlight and the amount of trees looming, stretching high above the bushes, filled with blooming black roses, that engulfed most of the ground on which the tall girl stood.

This is just the only thing that had a problem. The sentence is much too long. Try to put in one or two stops in there to shorten it up. Great imagery, great everything. You seem incredibly talented and creative. Peace out! ♥