Young Writers Society

Hello! This is Chapter 1 of my story, The Nick of Time! Enjoy! Or else... Or else I won't post anymore!


Prologue

Welcome. Friends, Romans, dinosaurs, lend me your ears. Unless you’re an Aztec priest and have cut them up as sacrifices. In that case, I don’t want them.
Now, you must understand that I am not recalling this story from what Nick told me. He didn’t need to tell me anything. I was there. However, I didn’t get to do anything exciting, except get splashed with mud in Chapter 8, and inhale a bug in Chapter 14. Other than that, he hardly noticed me. But I noticed him. I served as his scribe, writing down everything he did. And now, I will pass it on to you!









Chapter 1
Discovery

Nick tossed and turned on his bed, groaning. Then, he felt something very wet, and very cold on his cheek.
“Yikes!” he yelled, sitting up from his bed. There, on the bed, was his dog, Merlin.
“Oh, it’s you, boy.” he sighed. With a loud yawn, he got up, patted Merlin’s black head and went into his bathroom.
He brushed his teeth, and combed his brown, bushy hair that resembled a duster.
He walked down into the kitchen, passing a calendar on the stairs. He didn’t notice, but it said June 1st. He stepped onto the yellow and blue tile of the kitchen, where his mom and dad--weren’t there!
Not too surprising. His dad was a policeman, and probably got called to duty, while his mother worked the night shift at a fast-food restaurant, and wasn’t awake yet.
After fixing himself a breakfast of Choco-Chunky Sugar Spheres cereal (very healthy), he picked up his backpack, and slung it over his shoulder. He then walked outside to wait for the school bus. He waited--and waited. He looked at his watch. 8:30.
He frowned. That was when school started, at least in Tower, a quiet, tree-filled town in Minnesota where a small--or immense--strip of forest was never far away.
“Hey Nick!” called a voice. Coming toward him on a scooter was Jack, one of his classmates. Seeing the backpack, he asked, “Why do you have your school backpack. It’s the first day of summer vacation. You forgot?”
“Really? Oh my gosh, I forgot! I’m such a dunderhead.”
“You sure are.”
“Ha ha,” replied Nick as he walked back to his house to put back his pack.
When he came out, he ran across the street, feeling the wind in face, and around the first block, then froze, terrified. There, in front of him, was the school bully, Timmy. Nick knew him, and feared him.
“Hey there, mosquito-muscled weakling!” called Timmy.
Nick ran, and ran, thinking, “Hey there, flea-brained dolt! As fast as he could go, Nick sped through the forest to his left. He knew he would be safe in the forest. Timmy, although he was big and strong, was very clumsy, as Nick knew from a jungle gym, a rocky beach during a field trip, and a gymnasium full of jump ropes and balls.
Timmy ran after him yelling. “Give it up, I’m way faster than you, you snail-footed slowpoke!”
Timmy pursued him into the trees. He was gaining at first, but the terrain grew steadily rougher.
Finally, after tripping over roots, rocks, and his own feet, Timmy gave up. He turned around and stomped back to the road, shaking loose flakes of bark from his black hair.
After he stopped panting, Nick noticed something odd--a large triangular rock, standing upright on the forest floor. Nick moved closer to the rock, and saw writing carved on its face. In English too! He peered closer and read the words. “By the power o’ the wizard, give me the power, o’ space, and o’ time.”
Suddenly, the sky turned red, and rivers of yellow light flowed toward him like so many fingers. He tried to run, but couldn’t. The light lifted Nick off the ground. He felt a tingling in bone, muscle, and flesh. Nick watched in horror as another bright finger moved slowly closer to his face. With all his strength, he tried to break free. The light was within a foot from him. He made one last, desperate effort to escape, but to no avail. The luminous serpent touched his forehead, filling Nick with a strange power.
After about a minute, the light dropped him hard on the ground, and the sky turned blue again. Nick, being too tired to walk, wished he could go home.
He felt nothing. Suddenly he noticed that had hand had disappeared into thin air. Slowly, his wrist started to fade away, then his arm. He screamed. “What’s happening?!”
Soon, his chest disappeared, his other arm, his stomach, and finally his legs.
Then, with a pop, his head disappeared. He was gone. Gone from the world.
Suddenly, he felt more earthly again. He felt something solid under him. His surroundings appeared. He was on the wooden steps of his house.
“The power of space.” he thought. Then an idea struck him. “Maybe, since the stone said the power of time also I could travel through time.”
He concentrated on the day before yesterday, at the time of the final math test. He faded away with a pop, and reappeared in his classroom, right behind himself. Luckily, the other Nick, and everyone else for that matter, was so engrossed in their work, that he wasn’t noticed. He focused his thoughts on his own time, and disappeared.
After returning to his own time, feeling slightly refreshed, he went inside, and took a power nap in his room. He had decided to call the teleportation “popping” because of the sound it made. When he got up, full of energy, he went back outside.
When he turned the corner, the sight in front of him made him think, “Oh no, not her.”
The reason of his groan was not from Timmy, or any other bully. For, not ten feet away he saw her.
The sandy-haired girl in front of him lived across the street. Her name was Alexa. Alexa had an insane crush on Nick ever since kindergarten when they had met. He let himself think back to that moment.
“Nick, meet Alexa.” said Mrs. Herron, the teacher.
“Hi.” he had said.
However, instead of replying, Alexa just stood right where she was with a blank expression in her hazel eyes.
He ended the flashback, and returned to the present.
“Hi, Nicky.” said Alexa, with an expression that made Nick uneasy.
Instead of running, he just stood there and thought, “This would be a good chance to test my powers.”
When Alexa was two feet away from him, “Pop.”
Alexa scratched her head, turned around and saw Nick. She tried to hug him.
Instead, she ended up hugging thin air, and nearly tripping in the process. She looked up. There, in the oak tree above her head, was Nick!
Alexa scratched her head. “I must be dreaming.” She walked away pinching herself and saying, “Bye, Nicky.”
He breathed a sigh of relief.

This seems like a great story, but it belongs in the fiction forums, not here. This forum is to post about stories, other writing you are currently doing, getting something published, or other things relating to your writing. It's not for the work itself. I'd suggest moving this to fantasy, sci-fi, or action/adventure fiction.

I can't see them.

You could space this out, add spaces between dialogue. In fact, I think you NEED to do this.

Merlin34 wrote:Nick ran, and ran, thinking, “Hey there, flea-brained dolt!

You forgot the closing quotation marks there, but apart from that, this story is cool! A bit improbable, but that doesn't matter. I'm interested to know what happens next, and how Nick will use his powers. I don't think there's any grammar/spelling gone wrong here. Very good!

-ST

Here are Chapters 2-3!

Chapter 2
Having Fun

After fooling Alexa, he popped down from the tree. Then he realized, “If I did that, how much more fun can I have?”
He thought of all the ways to have fun with his powers. “I could never be late for school again, or I could have fun fooling Alexa again. I could also get away from Timmy, and any other bullies I meet. I could also play hilarious pranks on people. These new powers are awesome!”
The next day Nick popped into his classroom at school and wrote on the marker board, “Miss Fishner is a hag!”
He then popped out, laughing. His next stop was his own house where he ate a hearty lunch of chicken legs and a hot dog, until a glob of mustard fell on his shirt.
His next prank was, at the enemy fortress, a.k.a. Alexa’s yard. He had gathered a water balloon, his remote control plane with a hatch that could drop water balloons like bombs, a bucket of water, his remote-control RV, and a long rock. His plan was to fly the plane over her head and drop the balloon. From there he would pop the rock in the right place, and send out the RV with the bucket on top. The RV would trip on the rock, sending the water in the bucket all over Alexa. By continuously pestering her, he hoped to have her stop liking him.
Before he could spring his plan into action, Alexa saw him. She yelled. “Hi, Nicky.”
“Don’t call me Nicky!” he yelled back.
“Okay, Nickiboo.”
“This is getting nowhere,” thought Nick, and with a pop he went back to his house.
Later that day, Nick saw Timmy across the street.
“Come over here, stupid head!” he yelled.
“Perfect,” thought Nick. “Another test run.”
Timmy lunged at him. Nick popped out of the way, sending Timmy crashing into a wall. Angrily, he jumped on him. Nick had no time to move, not even pop. As Timmy pinned him against the wall Nick popped. Timmy’s head slammed into an brick that was coming out of the wall so hard that he pushed the brick back in. Discouraged, he walked away, swearing under his breath.
“Phew,” Nick sighed. He popped back to his house. When he got there, his mom was serving dinner.
“I made spaghetti and meatballs tonight,” said his mom, “my own recipe.”
“Yummy!” His mom’s meatballs were the best in the world as far as he knew. After dinner he watched his favorite TV show. It was called “Wizard Tales.” It was about two wizards and their funny adventures in the land of Millennia.
After Nick had gone to bed he thought of other things he could do with his amazing powers. He could not think of very many things. It was so boring that he soon fell asleep.
The next morning opened up in a
thunderstorm. He went on his computer and went online to his favorite web site, www.awesomegames.net. While playing Shoot the Deer, he saw he had gotten an e-mail. When he opened it, it read. “Hi, Nickiboo. I was wondering, I got an extra ticket to the concert--”.
He did not read more. Nick then read the address at the bottom of the page, and made a new message that said. “Are you insane!? No!” He then sent it back to Alexa.
“Man, she has a thing for me.” he said.
After breakfast of Choco-Chunky Sugar Spheres cereal, he went back to his room. Nick did not feel very well, so he called his mom up to his room.
“Goodness!” she exclaimed. “You have a fever, and a temperature of 103!”
“Oh no!” groaned Nick. “I can’t be sick today. It’s Jimmy’s birthday.”
“Too bad.” said his mom. “I can go give him your present, and bring you some cake.”
“Thanks Mom.” said Nick. Jimmy had his best friend since first grade. He was still not happy. Jimmy’s parties were the best in the world. They had fun games, on land and in his pool, awesome prizes for the games, and plain swimming. He was not having a good day.
“I know!” Nick thought. “I’ll go so far into the future that they will have a cure for the common cold! Wait, that could be dangerous. I could end up there in pieces.”
He concentrated on the year 3000 thinking, “Well, it’s worth the risk. They have to have a cure by now!”
With a pop, he disappeared. He then reappeared in a futuristic town with flying cars and floating buildings. For a moment, he just looked at all the scenery, taking in the sight. He walked toward a large bridge.
Suddenly, he froze. In front of him, under the bridge, he saw Alexa!
“Hi, Nickiboo.” she said. “I am Alexa 2.” Then the Alexa clone knocked over the bridge, which now looked like a toppled movie set.
“Oh, these are Alexa’s 3-1000.”
Nick wasted no time more. He ran as fast as he could. He was so scared, he forgot he could pop. He suddenly froze. In front of him he saw more Alexa’s coming for him.
“Hi, Nickiboo.” one of them said. “I’m Alexa 1001, and these are Alexa’s 1002-2000.
As the two teams of Alexa’s closed in Nick remembered his powers. With a pop, he was off. He appeared later in the same town.
Oddly, he landed right by a large building with the words “Pharmacy” on it in big, red letters. He walked in.
At the counter there was an old man with a funny hat on. Nick almost laughed at the hat.
“Hello.” the man said in a deep, rich voice. “How may I help you.”
“Do you have a cure for the common cold?” Nick asked.
“Yes, yes, we have some. Here you go.” the man said. “The price--”
Nick started. He had not brought any money to the future.
“--Ha ha ha.” said the man. “This stuff is free! Here’s your cure.”
Nick then returned to the time before he realized he was sick. He saw himself drinking a glass of water. Nick dumped the medicine in the water.
To his surprise, the Nick who was drinking did not see him. “I must be able to turn invisible in another time,” he thought.
Suddenly, both Nicks became perfectly well again. Then the clock ticked, and the drinking Nick flowed back into the other Nick.
























Chapter 3
Back to School

After a fun summer of time-traveling, playing with Merlin, as well as the prizes he won from Jimmy’s party, avoiding Timmy, including one time where he had sent Timmy falling into a pond full of algae, and fooling Alexa, it was time to go back to school. Nick was in 6th grade now. He was proud of it too.
“Hello.” said the teacher. “My name is Mrs. Waster. Only I can waste the tape. Sorry, that’s my motto. I will be your teacher this year.”
First, they took roll and a lunch count. Next came reading class. They read a really good story about Merlin the Wizard himself, where an evil sorceress/ex-student of him named Vivienne had imprisoned him in an oak tree.
Mrs. Waster said they would answer questions about the book the next day.
The next class was math. Nick was really good at math, and finished the long division easily. He then asked Mrs. Waster what to do when he got done.
Mrs. Waster said, “If you get done early in any class you can play computer in the back.”
“Awesome.” whispered Nick, not wishing to disturb his still working classmates. He went to the computer and looked at all the games. He did not find many that seemed good. When he was about to give up he saw a game based on “Wizard Tales.” Nick set to the game quickly. He had to move the two wizards through treacherous levels.
After math they had science class. They did an experiment with marbles and tubes to learn about gravity, velocity, and momentum.
Next was lunch, and Nick had pizza with a side dish of salad. He liked the school’s pizza a lot. He didn’t like the salad very much, but it was better than cadaver ghoulish, as most called it. It had tomato slices, referred to as chopped hearts, noodles (intestines), and something thought to be sections of windpipe.
After lunch, at 12:30, it was time for recess.
Nick burst out onto the playground with a loud, “Woohoo!”
He first went on the swings. When he got really high, he jumped off. He flew so far that he landed on the top of the slide and slid down. He felt pretty sick after that, so he sat down on the bench. When he got up he walked around a bit. He reached the monkey bars and saw Jimmy, as well as Larry and Jack, two of his other friends.
“Hey, Nick,” called Larry. “Wanna play tag?”
“No thanks, Larry.”
He walked off toward the basketball hoop, when he felt a tap on his shoulder.
He turned around and found himself face-to-face with Alexa.
“Oh, no!” thought Nick. “I forgot she was in my class!”
“Hi, Nickiboo.”
“Listen!” shouted Nick. “I don’t like you! You’re very annoying, so just give it up!!!”
Alexa’s face hardened and her eyes narrowed. Then, she said. “Well if I can’t have you--nobody can!”
Suddenly, to his horror, she smacked her fist into her other hand.
Fortunately for Nick, the bell rang for everyone to come inside.
Through the rest of the day, he thought of the new person trying to kill him.
When he got home his mom asked him. “So, Nick, how was school?”
Nick simply answered, “Good.”
A few days later, Nick ran out the door of the school yelling, “All right, the weekend!!!”
Nick awoke on Saturday to a bright and sunny morning.
When he came down to the kitchen, his mom, who had a day off asked him, “Did you see the moving van by the house over there?”
Nick looked over at the house. He did see a moving van. Coming out of the van were a boy and a girl, along with two adults, that he guessed were the parents.
Nick put on his shoes and jacket ran over to meet them.
To introduce himself to the boy, he had to look up--and up, for he stood at least four inches taller than Nick. He had a muscular build, and a head of thick black hair. “My name is David. My favorite color is yellow, and my goal is to be able to pound a nail into an oak board with one swing of a hammer.”
To introduce himself to the girl, he had to look down. She stood about two inches shorter than him. She had long, light brown hair that fell a little bit past her shoulders. “My name is Courtnie. My favorite color is pink. My goal is to be able to annoy David by correcting him and giving him a lecture about every mistake he makes.”
David muttered under his breath. “The first woman executioner in the world,” then asked, “Would you like to come and play here? We have lots of toys.”
“Sure. What kind of toys?”
“All kinds,” he said. “We have video games, a computer, blocks, tinker toys, remote control cars, even a ball pit!”
“Awesome! I’ll ask my mom.”
“Okay.”
A few minutes later, he returned. “My mom says it’s okay if I come over.”
“Nice,” said David.
First, they played video games. They played Karate Kid: Battle Dome and Sled Speedway. Nick had a lot of fun, although either David or Courtnie beat him all the time.
“You’ll get better eventually,” said David.
After that they went to the ball pit. They said they had a ball pit, but they did not tell him its size. It was huge! The pit was fifteen feet in length, and ten feet in width! Balls of red, yellow, green, blue, and purple filled it to over Nick’s chest.
After they had gotten in, Courtnie moaned. “I told you we shouldn’t have put in the extra balls.”
Nick looked to see what was up. He saw Courtnie up to her neck in the colorful spheres. He chuckled softly.
Next, they raced with the cars. David and Courtnie were good, but Nick was even better. Years of going to Jimmy’s house had made him the second best in the neighborhood, next to Jimmy himself. He beat them every time!
“That’ll pay for the video games,” teased Nick. “You will get better eventually! Ha! Ha!”
David and Courtnie both retorted, “We’ll catch up, you’ll see!”
After a fun day, and a delicious dinner of burgers and salad, he finally went home. He slept well that night, with a good dream about doughnuts and ice cream that floated toward his mouth.

Please post in the proper fiction forum.

literature.php

I think you put in too much detail here about things that don't really matter. Do we need to know what classes Nick went to that day? Or what he had for lunch?
There's some missing quote marks here as well, and your sentances jump onto the next line before they've finished on the first. And - I repeat - you need to space this out!! And as Caligula said, you need to put anymore of this in the Fiction Section.
Proof read the next bit, and take out any detail that doesn't add to the setting, or neccesary descriptions.
Put the next bit up soon - in the proper forum, this time!

-ST

Well, I didn't know there was a section for that stuff! Why do you have to keep it hidden from everyone?!?! I'm leaving!

"Hidden"? You sound like Wyvern . . .
Go to the Index, then go to "Literary", then scroll down to "Fantasy Fiction", and Bob's your uncle!

-Twit