The Confessional

Meep(: wrote:

I like cheese. A lot.

I quite sure that I wrote that xD

Post it?


Did you now?

Guys, please let this thread have its original function.

Demeter
x

Tomorrow marks four months that I lost something that I'll never get back... The problem is, I still have feelings for him. But he acts like nothing ever happened.
I wish I could undo it all, and that we never even met. That I never told my 'friend' and that she never told the whole school. I wish I wasn't too scared to tell my parents. I wish I still didn't love him.
I wish I wasn't so ashamed.


I hope he's happy now,
-Me.

I've been having dark thoughts lately... and I'm scared about what I might do next.

I'm scared of growing up, I'm scared of not growing up and I'm scared 'the real world out there' isn't going to be as kind as the world I live in now.

The Confessional wrote:I'm scared of growing up, I'm scared of not growing up and I'm scared 'the real world out there' isn't going to be as kind as the world I live in now.

To the poster: this is natural, most people feel this way at some point. I'm in the reality you fear now, pretty much. It's not fun and it's easy, but you get by and make do. We all makes mistakes, but be careful and don't grow up too fast.

While I may be convinced I'm in love with you, I'm not going to sit around like the cliche and wait for you. You may be one of my best friends but, if that's all you're ever going to be, that's fine because I do want you to be happy, even if it's not with me. I'd rather you be in my life in some way than not at all. Maybe a piece of me will always be waiting for you, just like a piece of me is waiting for an old friend to get over himself and talk to me, but I have a life to live and it doesn't involve waiting around like a lovesick puppy.

My dad doesn't know how to drive. He's going to kill me one day with his crappy driving.

The Confessional wrote:My dad doesn't know how to drive. He's going to kill me one day with his crappy driving.

Rest in peace.

I swear he's sending his "minions" to spy on me when I volunteer. He never used to but I've had this feeling I'm being watched the past two days there and not by other volunteers. I think it's those random people that smile at me that I see but don't really see. I know I have issues with paranoia, I'm highly aware of that, but my paranoia levels have been really low the past month or so.

If he's reading this post, like I know he used to way back when I was more active, all I can say is that I know his X-Box has the Red Ring of Death but that I know he otherwise has a life and there's more important things to do than read this.

-Kat

EDIT:

Yay, I made the 100th post!

... my life consist of music, cars, and xbox if it doesn't relate to that it's irrelevant.

What about the girls? Back before you got hung up on whoever it is that you're hung up, there were girls. I don't know the specifics and I don't care to know. I just want to know what changed; what made this girl this special? I'd probably envy this girl if I knew who she was and I'd find a reason to not like her, trust me. I have no claim on you, just like you have no claim on me, but sometimes I really wish I did.

The only thing standing in the way of admitting to both myself and the world that I'm a lesbian, is my celebrity crush.

I miss the old ways. Back before my family fought, when life was simply who-can-make-the-best-immature-joke. When things were simple. Now I have things like an arguing family, a rebellious sibling, and a life I sometimes wish I wasn't living. I'm not suicidal, I'm just wishful. Since forever, I have been dreaming that some wonderful movie star would come to my house, and tell me that I am adopted and that they are my real parents. They would be totally wonderful, and I wouldn't have to put up with my fighting family. I feel guilty for dreaming such a horrible thing, but I have wanted this since forever. I have fallen asleep wishing this since I was quite young.

And that is my main confession: Guilt. I am guilty of ever bearing ill feelings against my family. I am guilty of having my own opinion. I am guilty of anything not meeting another wishes. I am guilty of being myself.

I miss the old ways.

I helped him run away. He was only a year older than me, and had hundreds of miles to go. What was I supposed to do? Force him back to live with his abusive dad? Tell the police? Heck, no! I'd been contemplating running away myself and I'd just wanted to run for the sake of running. He had a reason. So, yeah, I helped him, fugitive-style, and made sure I did all I could to help him reach his grandparents that lived the next state across. It was weird that we'd met completely by coincidence in the woods, but I'm glad I did. For once I feel like I impacted someone. And thank GOD he's alive - I got a message from him two weeks later. I know I'll never see him again, but here's the next confession - I only knew him for a week, and I'll never stop missing him.

I miss him. He never calls, and that makes me want to punch his stupid face, because it hurts so damn much.