The Law Said My Love Was Wrong

Prompt: Write a poem about a character you don't like but who would be likable to some personalities.

I actually took it a step further and went with what my creative writing teacher is always saying: Make me like a serial killer or dislike an apparently wonderful child.

However, that being said, I do not deny that I'm kind of creeped out by my own poem and wouldn't have come up with it if not for the prompt, which, I guess, is why we're doing this... The point is, I know it's creepy and I'm going out on a limb with it, which is why it's rated 18+. Anyways, this was inspired by a combination of the prompt, my creative writing professor's words, and...

The law said my love was wrong,
but how I could I deny myself such
a tender rosebud
with golden hair?

So beautiful, in the image
of woman
and I knew she loved me -
but the law said my love was wrong.

She had suffered through
so few winters, untouched
by frost, I could not help myself;
so we ran away to Florida where,
I thought,
she might be safe from snow.

The law said my love was wrong,
but love I did, and kept her safe.
I plucked the unknown flower
and planted anew in its place

and was imprisoned when they
caught us. She cried,
but the law said my love was wrong -
for she was only fourteen.

...and the odd teacher out there who runs away with a student, now that you've read the whole poem and there's no more suspense as to what will make you dislike this guy.

Yeah, I agree about the 'creepy' aspect, but this is still a really good poem. The prompt's actually part of what makes it so interesting; it's not something that people are always writing about, you know? Not from that point of view anyway. There really wasn't much to fix, and I like the metaphors of winter.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver

You're right, it was creepy but, that's the point. It shows his side very very well. I say assignment complete!

I like this. I can't say I'm exactly to the point of literally liking this guy (he stills seems a mite creepy), but it at least made me more understanding of him. There's not really anything to critique, except for perhaps the Florida reference. It's just a personal opinion, but since Florida is the only proper noun used in the whole poem, I think it would flow better if it was omitted and replaced with something like perhaps "the state of sunshine" or whatever. But overall, I did indeed enjoy the poem, particularly the slightly stalkerish descriptions of the girl. Write on, my friend!