Young Writers Society

I fall and fall hard
And he can not stop me
My bones crack and shatter
For I have been battered
Thoughts rise to surface
And finally I realize
He loves me and caught me
Despite the compromise

Bravo,
Welcome to Young Writers Society, I would just liek to give you a few pointers, to post a work of your own you have to review two other pieces of work first. This is to ensure that every's work is reviewed. If you ever need anything to review just PM me.

I really loved this piece, but the first line doesn't catch my attention as it should. The repition on the word fall makes it seem dreary and the second fall is useless. I also feel like this should be broken into two stanzas like this:

I fall and fall hard
And he can not stop me
My bones crack and shatter
For I have been battered

Thoughts rise to surface
And finally I realize
He loves me and caught me
Despite the compromise

But thats just my personal opinion, don't change anything that doesn't seem right to you, it is your piece of work.

Really this was a great poem, and I hope my review wasn't harsh.

Any questions please PM me.
Have a great day,
Tiffany

Hi Fiction! It's very short, and I don't get much from it so I don't think it really belongs in Narrative, since Narrative poetry is all about telling a story. But anyway you really need to add more poetic devices to it, right now it's kind of bland, and doesn't really make me feel much. Also the end I thought was a little strange, and really I didn't like it that much. But it's not bad, considering the size. The best way to improve is to keep writing, and also reading helps too.

Hello! I think what you have here is the beginnings of a good poem. It just needs... more. Maybe more description and more feeling. Perhaps something that makes it personal to you, or something that helps people to relate to it, so that readers can feel the same as you when they read it. Also, parts of it sound a bit forced, for example, in the line "thoughts rise to surface", where did "the" go? It's okay to want the lines to all be the same length but sometimes when you omit words it makes a little less sense. Also, I am unsure of what "compromise" you're talking about at the end. You could either change that to something else, or say something more about it so that we understand what it's referring to. It is a good concept, it just needs a little more work on showing your emotion to help the reader empathise with you. Keep writing!

This is something more of a basis for a work much bigger. I think you can take this and expand on it! I want more of a story. Why doesn't, or can't, he stop you? Does he not want to? Why are you falling? Tell us! I really want to know.

I really don't like the last line. It doesn't flow well. I think you can choose a different word than 'compromise.' It's too long, and doesn't have the same vowel or consonant sounds as your other words... I don't know. Haha, it just doesn't flow.

I enjoyed reading this!

Classy

I know its short...
and kinda random,
But for some reason i really love this,
Its simple and it gets to the point.
Its quite beautiful,

Hey there!

This maybe short but short's never an issue. I think I enjoyed the random but extremely poetic descriptions. There was feeling and imagery that had strength in every line.
My nitpick is similar to most nitpicks I have with most poetry. This is fluency. I'm sorry but its the same thing as everyone, you need punctuation. Without it you're going to lack rhythm and pace, which equals a loss of effect and impact. Here's what I suggest you do:

I fall and fall hard.
And he can not stop me;
My bones crack and shatter,
For I have been battered.
Thoughts rise to surface,
And finally I realize;
He loves me and caught me,
Despite the compromise.

you see why?

Anyway, hope this helps.
Ben

I like short poems that have simple words, because i feel that they really do hold so much more pwer and emotion. However, you do need to have punctuation in your poem in order for it to be easier to reader, and so that you're reader knows when you want a pause or not.

I really liked this, and think it has the potential to be a really epic (my favorite word) poem. It could use more substance, more poetic devices, some punctuation, but all in all it gets to the point. The first line isn't as gripping as it could be, but maybe that's just me.

Keep writing!

Peace!

Well bravo to this poem. I like the how you made this poem short and easy. Even thought there wasn't much detail added, it made sence. A little more should be added in my opinion. I read it over five times before I understood what was saying. So if you just add a little more, it would be perfect.

Cheers!
~Ryuichi (The Dragon Child)