Tasting the Air

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Myrcei
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 16
Tue Jan 27, 2009 11:17 pm
Myrcei says... · Tue Jan 27, 2009 11:17 pm
Tasting the air with my tongue.
I stood right here when I lost someone.
So long ago, but it smells just the same.

Wading through depths while I sung.
Hoping you’d hear I felt afraid and alone.
So wrong I was, supposing you called me by name.

Hanging on lines I was wrung,
Into a tangle of what I’d been through before
So strong I thought, but was convicted and labeled a shame.

Hating the tears, how they stung,
Dying my dress and once again here I stand on my own.
So long ago, but it hurts me the same.
Last edited by Myrcei on Wed Feb 18, 2009 2:23 am, edited 1 time in total.
"Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes.
Art is knowing which ones to keep."
---Scott Adams
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madel
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 5
Thu Jan 29, 2009 7:19 am
madel says... · Thu Jan 29, 2009 7:19 am
hi there...madel here' i love writing poems too

but i am not good with it..by the way

i have read your title and been

intrigued so i decided to read this

after reading my whole face was

like a big question mark and a question

pop out of my head "is this really a poem??

well i dont know if this is another type of a poem

this work really confused me....

anyways... i know you have the talent in writing
and i believe in you,you just have a little problem on how to
construct each lines...good luck...
think of a way to get what you want

without giving up more than what you have....
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Shadow_Windstorm
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 2
Mon Feb 02, 2009 12:01 am
Shadow_Windstorm says... · Mon Feb 02, 2009 12:01 am
The poem is written beautifully, but maybe some more punctuation could be used? I think it would make the poem flow a little better, at least in my head. :) Additionally, I love the mood the poem portrays.

Sorry if my review wasn't that good; I'm feeling a little drowsy.
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AlyssaKyle
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Thu Feb 12, 2009 7:28 pm
AlyssaKyle says... · Thu Feb 12, 2009 7:28 pm
I agree that some punctuation would be helpful to teh flow of the poem. Aslo, try to keep your stanzas the same length or realtively the same if at all possible. I was glad to see that your rhyming did not feel forced as it often can. Those are just my nitpicks. i really enjoyed reading this poem. Nice job!
Who did the jedi mind trick on you women when it comes to capri pants? *waves hand* You want a piece of clothing that makes your ass look wider, your legs shorter, and your feet bigger.
-Christopher Titus
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mystymizer
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Reviews 26
Fri Feb 13, 2009 3:47 am
mystymizer says... · Fri Feb 13, 2009 3:47 am
Beautifully written, especially the rhyming pattern. Also loved the idea behind it. I don't even have any CC to say (Sorry to disappoint!). I just simply enjoyed reading this!
Great work!
- - No one is free while others are oppressed - -
Gandhi.
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Myrcei
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 16
Sat Feb 14, 2009 12:22 am
Myrcei says... · Sat Feb 14, 2009 12:22 am
Thank you so much everyone for commenting on my poem!
I don't think you could ever understand how much I appreciate it. :D
Thank you, thank you, a million times.
"Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes.
Art is knowing which ones to keep."
---Scott Adams
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6 posts


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