Young Writers Society

The pen dipped, lustily
moaning out the words
scrawled so messily that I had to squint

still no angel's tears to wash away
dead pink skin resting on white.


Brow furrowed, hand
reaching, brush away
strangled curls and dry humor.
I turned the paper upside down but
the frowns had not turned up their ink stained lips.


Try, but Victorian Qs are not
flowing from steepled fingers
forgive,
I've still not tied corsets 'round their
free will.

This is beautiful! I love it! The way it sounds, the imagery, the enjambment, and all the awesome stuff you did.

brush awaystrangled curls and dry humorI turned the paper upside down butthe frowns had not turned up their ink stained lips.

This is my favorite part. It's fantastically beautiful and eloquent.

I want to say something you could improve, but I can't find anything. Really awesome job. Keep writing.

Hey Katrain,
As requested, here I am.
Wow. I'm being totally honest here, I havn't come across a poem this good in a long time.
This was really unique, and I like how you had the same voice throught, which is a little hard to do when you write this deeply. (The fact that I had to read this a few times to get a grip of what you're saying is a good thing.)

Just one nit-pick:

Brow furrowed, hand
reaching, brush away
strangled curls and dry humor.

I think that should be "brushing away", right?
I think that this poem is really insightful, creative, and very well worded.
Keep up the great work!
-Alex

Hello there, I'm here as requested!

I like this poem, and the imagery is great, but I find that the flow is a little bit awkward. I'll try to change some of the words from verses and see if it works a little better. I would like to point out that whatever I say, it's still your poem, and there's nothing that will force you to change it. It's just my opinion.

The pen dipped,
lustily moaning out the words,
scrawled so messily that I had to squint.

still no angel's tears to wash away,
dead pink skin resting on white.


Brow furrowed,
hand reaching, brushing away
strangled curls and dry humor.
I turned the paper upside down
but the frowns had not turned up their ink stained lips.

Try, but Victorian Qs are not
flowing from steepled fingers forgive,
I have still not tied corsets
'round their free will.

Red is where I've made soem changes... Again, I would like to point out that this was a beautiful poem, and it was a pleasure to read.

Keep up the great work!

-Other One

This was really deep, and honestly quiet hard to understand. Depending on what sort of audience you are writing for this could either be AMAZING or it could be confusing. But I must say I thought it was beautiful. I haven't read a poem this good in a while. I look forward to reading more that ant. Ihave no problems or critique for you other than what I already said. KEEP WRITING! You're realllllllllyyyyyyy good. (: