Out of Reach [2]

A/N: So, chapter two up. I tried to avoid the cliches, and it might seem that one is coming up, but not Anyway, feedback is very welcomed! And sorry for any grammar mistakes or typos. I re-read it many times and spell checked.

Out of Reach [2]
by Kat

I tried to keep my pace, suppressing the want to run towards him. I reached him in a few seconds, and his friends walked purposely away from him, rolling their eyes. They didn’t like me that much.
“Morning!”
“Hey!” He hugged me lightly. I pulled away, and the bell rang. I rolled my eyes at the freaking annoying sound.
“How was your weekend?” He asked. I started walking the path that led to the school entrance once more.
“Ugh, awful. I was incredibly bored. These are the times I think I have to write and Ode to computers,” I bit my lip, wondering if I had said too much. He smiled, and I couldn’t avoid grinning at the sight of his entertainment. We reached the door, and by this time the crowd was making it impossible to quickly reach the other side. “And yours?”
“I’ll talk to you at break,” he said, taking quick steps in another direction. He grinned as I nodded. His first class was with Mr.Banner, the awfully on time Geography teacher. I walked to the lockers; Kaitlyn was still waiting for me.
“Sorry, sorry,” I apologized, taking some books out of my bag and throwing them carelessly inside the locker.
She smiled. “Let’s go.” I closed the locker and followed her. We had all the same classes. Now it would be Biology.
“Great,” I mumbled. Biology was my sleep class. Each time I went into classroom number seven, I would instantly get sleepy. I entered and took my place between Lisa and Elizabeth. Lisa was wearing her usual large light jeans, with the blue jacket I gave her for her birthday last year. I smiled at her. I compared her to Elizabeth. Elizabeth had her extremely curly hair let down to her shoulders, while Lisa's hair was tied up in a bun, like she usually wore it.
“Morning,” I said to them.
"Argh, good morning? I'm stuck at school, aren't I?" Elizabeth rolled her eyes. She hated Monday mornings.
Lisa grinned at me. "Bad mood. As usual," she stared at Elizabeth, grinning.
I sat down, stretching my arms and laying my head on the table. I turned to Elizabeth. The teacher, Mrs. Pearson, started babbling about something I couldn’t care less about.
How monotonous.
I yawned, and the teacher turned to me and asked, “Still sleepy, Miss Summerville, are we? Well, I think fresh air will help you. Out. Be back in five minutes.” Damn woman.
“Excellent,” I whispered getting up and walking outside. That woman could really get on my nerves.
I went to the ramp. Our school is constituted by a teachers’ wing and the students’ wing. The teachers’ wing is the closest to the gate, with the parking lot and their own door that only they can use. The other side is the students’ wing. The door is turned to the street and inside, to the left, you have a ramp with steps that we use as banks and hang out spots, to the right the two stairways and lockers. I sat down; the ramp was nearly empty. There was always some students walking around the school, either their teachers hadn't shown up, or they were just skipping lessons! Who can blame them, anyway? I would love to skip every class, if I could.
“The perfect way to start the week.” I looked at my watch. It had only been three minutes. My phone vibrated and I took it out. It was a call, from my mother.
“Hey,” I answered. My mother never remembered my school timetable, even though the breaks were always the same, through the years.
“Hi. Are you in class?” I should be.
“Nah, the teacher is running a bit late,” I lied. “So, what’s up?”
“I forgot to tell you, but aunt Jasmine called last Saturday saying your cousin Stephanie is starting at our school today. I was wondering if you could give her a hand.”
“Yeah, sure, no problem. Is that all?”
“Ye- Melody!" Someone screamed over the phone. "Bye. Have a good day, honey!”
I put the phone back in my pocket. I was glad my school didn't had certain limitations, like no phones, no music players, no laptops. I glanced at my watch, only to aknowledge that I had to go back into the classroom. I knocked on the door and opened it almost instantly. “May I, Mrs. Pearson?” I was not happy to be coming back, but I have to keep up appearances, have good grades and be a good student. For my computer, phone, and allowance’s sake.
“Are you awake?”
I nodded quickly, and she signed at me to get in. I closed the door behind me and sat back at my place, leaning back in my chair. She could send me out as much as she wanted, but I’d never be able to pay attention.
“Open your exercises book, on page 87, and do exercises three, four, five and six,” Mrs. Pearson ordered. I got my things out of my bag, my Agatha Ruiz de la Prada note book, my pencil case and the exercise book and manual.
I sighed and started resolving the exercises. I stopped, and ripped out a piece of paper from my note book.
Guess who transferred here?
I passed it to Lisa, to pass it to Kaitlyn. A couple of minutes later, the paper arrived back.
Who?
Stephanie, my cousin. I replied. Do you remember her?
The blonde? She asked.
Yeah.
Yes =D Nothing more to say, she put a smiley. So Kaitlyn like.
I finished up the exercises, just after Kaitlyn, with some secret help from the manual.
We proceeded to correct them, but I only participated once or twice. I leaned back on my chair throughout the whole class, hoping time would pass quickly.
Soon enough, the bell rang, just after we started revision on plants. Hurray. We had just finished up genetic continuity.
I was planning on asking Kaitlyn to come and check on Steph with me, but as I walked out the door to follow her, someone grabbed my arm.
“Oh, Max,” I had forgotten. He could come with me, right? “Would you mind coming with me? My cousin just got to this school and I’ve got to check on her.”
“I’m always at your service, ma’am.” Sarcastic lines formed around his mouth.
I stopped and made a face that said stop-mocking-me. “I don’t know what class she's in. She’s my age, so we’ll search around, ‘kay?”
“I have a quicker method.” He stopped and greeted some guy from the basketball team, doing a freakish handshake. “Do you know a girl named…” He turned to me.
“Stephanie Manson.”
“That,” he said to the guy.
“The new hot blonde?” I rolled my eyes.
“Sure.”
“I saw her with… Marcy Chambell, a few minutes ago.”
“Marcy?” I croaked. Oh God! That’s bad, really bad.
I grabbed Max and dragged him out the door. “We have to find her!”
“Calm down. It can’t be that bad,” he tried to comfort me.
I started hyperventilating. My mother said to watch her, not to give her to the queen of the bees! I glanced at my surroundings; people, faces, passing by. I sympathized with my cousin, she was a good girl. I could not just stand by and watch her turn into… one of them!
I had actually been happy. It was a good day; good weather. Until Steph walked in, making sudden problems reappear. I hadn't faced Marcy in a long time. I sprinted off the school building, and started my search for Steph and Marcy. I saw a golden haired girl. My chest tighten; I was nervous. I didn't liked to be with Marcy. She always brought up my flaws and the worst of me.
I ran to her, feeling the sun kiss my skin, and Max followed me at his normal pace. He knew my madness and my scorn for girls like Marcy. Her blindness blinded me. How could she only have thoughts to shopping, make up and hairstyles? If she could put some of her mind into it seriously, she could make a carrier out of her superficial likes, like a hair dresser, a make-up artist, or something like that.
“Steph!” I called, sounding more cheerful than I meant it to be. She turned to me. Her bright blue eyes had stayed the same. The first thing that would usually pop into my mind when I would see her was innocence. My cousin was extremely shy. This time, Marcy’s image was on my mind laughing evilly.
Steph had a shining gloss on her lips, and green eye shadow, which could be noticed from a big distance. This wasn’t like her at all. Stephanie was very easily influenced. That side of her has cost many friendships while growing up.
“Casey!” She appeared happy to see me. Lily joined sides with Marcy, appearing out of no where. She probably though Marcy would need support in case I'd decide to rip her face apart. They didn’t have anything particular against me. The only time Marcy bothered me directly was when she had a crush on Max, and thought we two hung out too much. She just wasn’t my biggest fan, not that I had any. For crying out loud, Max was just my best friend!
“How have you been?” I asked her. “Have you blended in?” I glanced behind her shoulder to Marcy, Lily and Sheridan, who had just joined the party.
She nodded. “Yeah, I’m going to cheerleader try outs tomorrow,” she announced, proudly. My mouth opened a bit, but Max grabbed my arm and took me a few steps away.
“Have it crossed your mind that they are just being friendly? Nice, even?”
“Nice?” I choked on my own words. “No way in Hell,” I mumbled.
“Come on! They are not that bad, Casey.”
I stared at him. With that expression, how could I resist? His eyes were sparkling so much, it reminded me of when he was eight. He was just so blind that it frustrated me.
“Fine.”
His eyes brought up a particular memory. It was about a week after Christmas, and I had returned from my trip to see my grandparents. I had missed him, and so I dropped by his place, in the afternoon. He was overly exited about a present he had received: an aeroplane. I remember hearing him laugh, while twirling it around. He was so happy, his eyes had a certain glow.
I walked back over to my cousin. “Hope you have fun!” I was walking away when Steph called me back.
“Will you be there, Casey?” I glanced between her and Max’s face.
I smiled falsely, “Sure. I’ll be there to support you.”
My steps were angry, determined and quick. Had I just delivered my cousin to the cheerleaders? She seemed kind of happy, even if I didn’t want to admit it.
God! Well, if it makes her happy, I guess I can't help it.
“I have to go,” Max announced, catching up with me.
“Okay. Do you have practice?”
“Yeah, three o’clock.”
“I’ll be there!” He was already running off to his pals. It was not as if I could take him away every time I wanted to - he had other friends.
I had no idea what to do with the rest of the break, but luckily I ran into Lisa. Lisa had the strange habit of in every break taking turns around the school. Just walking on a very slow pace, talking. All fifteen minutes, just watching and wondering. I joined her, and we took a round. We passed by the basketball team spot, and I saw Kaitlyn sitting with Todd.
I wasn’t sure if I should approach her for two reasons: one, she was with Todd. They might want privacy. But on the other hand, they were in the middle of the basketball team spot, surrounded by people. That lead me to point two: basketball players’ ground was shaky and fearful. Other people, other than jocks, weren't usually welcomed. I avoided it like the plague or pistachio, which I hate by the way.
She waved at me, giving me the sign to go to her. I dragged Lisa along with me.
“Hey!”
“Hi,” I said, taking a few glimpses of the jocks around me. Shaky grounds.
“Guys, this is my best friend, Casey.” The atmosphere changed abruptly. I bet friends of Kaitlyn were friends of the team, since she was now dating the captain.
“Hey Casey,” they said, almost in unison, sending a chill down my spine.
“Hi.” My right hand waved slowly close to my chest. A gesture I always made when I met new people and I was either frightened or embarrassed. I believed I was both, at the moment.
“That’s Daniel, Mario, and John; John’s girlfriend Shannon, Riley, Jason and Edwin.”
They all took their turn to shake my hand, and I have to admit they were kind of nice. Shannon was the last one.
“It looks scary, I know. Before Kaitlyn was here, it was horrifying, being the only girl in the middle of the team. Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.” But I wasn’t a part of the team, I wasn't even dating any of them.
“Hey, Casey, you okay?” Max asked, stepping forward with the football team behind him. Teams always follow the captain.
Uh-oh. Trouble.

Here as requested!
Gah... *Gets off her lazy butt, groans, and proceeds to review.*

I tried to keep my pace, suppressing the want of running towards him.

I don't know why, but "the want of" sounds a little weird. Maybe try "the want to run towards him"?

They didn’t like me that much.

xD Now isn't that lovely? But seriously, you might want to show this, rather than tell it. Maybe have them roll their eyes or twirl their fingers around their temples. Something like that. Saying it outright is a no-no.

“Ugh, awful. I was incredibly bored. These are the times I think I have to write and Ode to computers.”

That's rambling a little, don't you think? The dialogue doesn't sound natural, and it's a little clunky. But! It might work if she was just flustered or nervous talking to this guy. If that's the case, show that by having her bite her lip or blush.

He smiled, and at the sight of his entertainment I couldn’t avoid grinning.

Nothing wrong her per se, but the order bugs me. Have it read, "He smiled, and I couldn't avoid grinning at the sight of his entertainment." That sort of flows better with me.

Now it would be… Biology.

Don't need those three dotty things that I believe are called ellipses?

I entered and took my place, between Lisa and Elizabeth.

Don't need that comma, dear.

I yawn, and the teacher turned to me and asked

Yawn should be yawned. Mixing up tenses is bad. *Wags her finger*

“Still sleepy, Miss Summerville, are we? Well, I think fresh air will help you. Out. Be back in five minutes.”

Would a teacher really ask a student to leave the room simply for being sleepy? Mine would just yell t me and put me on the spot.

The door is turned to the street and inside, to the left, you have a ramp with steps that we use as banks and hang out spots; to the right the two stairways and lockers.

I think that semicolon should be a comma.

For my computer, phone and allowance’s sake.

Comma after phone.

I stopped and did an expression stop-mocking-me like.

Odd wording. Maybe try "I stopped and made a face that said stop-mocking-me."

I don’t know in which class she is.

Again, odd wording. Try "I don't know what class she's in."

“Marcy?” I crooked.

Crooked? Never heard of it, but according to spell check, it's a word. I like it.

I started ventilating.

I think you meant hyperventilating? Or not... Spell check says it's a word, so whatever floats your boat.

I glanced at my surroundings; persons, faces, passing by.

By persons I assume you mean people?

I could not just stand by and watch the turn into… one of them!

"The" should be her.

She appeared happy to see me, but Marcy and Lily’s expression said “get lost!” .

You don't need that last period. The exclamation point is enough punctuation to end the sentence.

The only time Marcy bothered me directly was when she had a crush on Max, and thought we two hanged out too much.

Past tense of hang is hung.

I chocked on my own words.

It's spelled "choked," dear.

I started at him.

I think you mean "stared"

He was already running off to his palls.

Pals is one L.

I had no idea what to do with the rest of the brake

Break, you mean?

That’s Daniel, Mario, and John

Mario! Awesomesauce name.

But I wasn’t a part of the team, neither dating any of them.

Neither should be not.

“Hey, Casey, you okay?” max asked, stepping forward with the football team behind me.

Capitalize Max's name.



Anyway, I thought it was pretty good. I didn't read the first part, though, so there were a lot of blanks for me to fill in.
Just watch for grammar and spelling, as well as wording. Also, you tell a lot more than you show, so that's a problem. Try using imagery to solve that problem (but avoid info dumps; just casually slip in the details).
Characterization was also fine, just the dialogue felt a bit strained at times. The best way to fix that is to ask someone how they would respond to something, and then just twist that to fit the character.
But overall, good job. And thanks for using my half-dead zombie thread.

Would a teacher really ask a student to leave the room simply for being sleepy? Mine would just yell t me and put me on the spot.

Actually, mine would. Mine did put me out, so...

By persons I assume you mean people?

*slaps forehead*

Past tense of hang is hung.

*raises eyebrows* I did not know that.

Thanks for the review, Pen!
*Kat*

Kat!! I’m here to review, darling!

We reached the door, and by this time the crowd was making it impossible to quickly reach the other side. “And yours?”
“I’ll talk to you on break,” he shouted going another away, after we crossed the door. I walked to the lockers; Lyn was still waiting for me.

Soo…they are talking casually and then he shouts at her and walks away, saying bye? That just seems really weird here to me, and doesn’t make much sense. Maybe you could just say that he said and and started walking away.
I also got confused how you started calling Kaitlyn Lyn. Maybe start out in the first part calling her Lyn? I thought you were talking about me for a second though, so I got confused. >.>

They replied, and I sat down, spreading my upper torso on the table. I stretched my arms.

She she put her head down on the desk and then stretched her arms? I’m having a very weird image coming up whenever you say that now. Maybe she stretched her arms then she put her head down? I’m not sure what’s going on here.

I sat down; the ramp was nearly empty.

The ramp was nearly empty? I thought school has already started. So…were these people skipping class? I do not understand what’s going on here.

My phone vibrated and I took it out. It was a call, from my mother.

Her mother called her during the school day? Umm, I don’t find that very realistic. At my school and at most schools that I know of, cell phones are banned. So…I’m just confused here.

I nodded quickly, and she signed me to get in.

Is it a glass door?? The teacher can just see her nod? And! She can see the teacher motion to her to come in? Really?

I sighed and started making the exercises.

Making exercises? I thought she might be copying them out of the book. But making?

Yes =D Nothing more to say, she put a smiley. So Kaitlyn like.

I’m not sure if you switched tenses or not, but I think like should be liked.

“Marcy?” I crooked.

She crooked? I don’t think she sharply curved, bent, or twisted, often in more than one place, do you darling? Maybe you mean croaked?

Her blindness blinded me.

I am confused with this line and I have no idea what you mean. Er…yeah. I have no idea.

The first thing that would usually pop on my mind when I would see her was innocence.

I think that line would sound better if you put usually first in the sentence, instead of in the middle. That’s just a suggestion, darling.

“Casey!” She appeared happy to see me, but Marcy and Lily’s expression said “get lost.”

Lily! Where did Lily come from? You just randomly stuck her name in here, even though we haven’t heard of her before.

The only time Marcy bothered me directly was when she had a crush on Max, and thought we two hung out too much.

Question! Is Max and Casey dating? Because I really have no idea after reading part one and part two.

His eyes were sparkling so much, it reminded me of when he was eight

So, what you had here was an opportunity to go down a different road in the story. Another way to go into the story. But all you do is leave it there and then do nothing with it. I think with that line there, you have the reader thinking about [i]what happened whenever he was eight?[i] Now, the reader is distracted from the story, which is not good. Taking that out would be a good idea if you don’t want to add a whole other part into the story.

We passed by the Basketball team spot, and I saw Kaitlyn sitting with Todd.

The last time I checked, basketball wasn’t a proper noun, darling.

“Hey, Casey, you okay?” Max asked, stepping forward with the football team behind me.

So he is part of the football team? Or the captain? Or something like that?


Too many unanswered questions to me, I think there were too many unanswered questions here. There wasn’t enough details in the story. It was like, a movie script. That’s what it seemed liked to me. Just enough to get by, really. I would love more details, more descriptions. Give us more. What does Casey see? Is it cloudy or rainy outside? Tell us more! Answer these little questions. It would help the story out tremendously.


It’s not really getting my attention This story, it’s just not drawing me in. It might just be because I don’t like the idea or it’s those details. I don’t know, but it’s not really pulling me in right now, darling.


Characters Like I said before, there seem to be a lot of unanswered questions and stuff. You also had a lot of names just come up, and we know nothing about them. Like:

I entered and took my place between Lisa and Elizabeth.

Hi, nice to meet you Lisa and Elizabeth. And that's all we know. You didn't give us any introduction to them, you didn't give us any details about what they looked like. You didn't say if they were her friends or not. They are just suddenly put in there. This is something that was just bothering me throughout the story.


Keep on writing, Kat! I'm sure you can turn this into something. You always can.

Feel free to PM or IM me if you have any questions or comments.

*Lin

Hello again! I'm not disappointed at all! I like how you have shown more to do with her friends and Max and also the worry surrounding her cousin- I'm getting more of a sense of her personality I thought it still might be easier to do one long quote here so I hope you don't mind! As before, all my comments are in bold brackets and any possible atlerations made with crossings out and replacements in bold.

Invisible [2]
by Kat

I tried to keep my pace, suppressing the want to run towards him. I reached him in a few seconds, and his friends walked purposely away from him, rolling their eyes. They didn’t like me that much.
“Morning!”
“Hey!” He hugged me lightly. I pulled away, and the bell rang. I rolled my eyes at the freaking (It's not completely necessary but I'd maybe think about changing either 'freaking' or 'annoying' to show what the bell actually sounds like, keeping one though so you still have her opinion ) annoying sound.
“How was your weekend?” He asked. I started walking the path that led to the door (What door? Do you mean the school entrance? If so I'd maybe say that here as it isn't clear which door you are talking about.) once more.
“Ugh, awful. I was incredibly bored. These are the times I think I have to write an[s]d[/s] Ode to computers,” I bit my lip, wondering if I had said too much. He smiled, and I couldn’t avoid grinning at the sight of his entertainment. We reached the door, [s]and[/s] but by this time the crowd was making it impossible to quickly reach the other side. “And yours?”
“I’ll talk to you [s]on[/s] at break,” he said, taking quick steps [s]to[/s] in another direction. (This sounded kind of abrupt to me, I'd maybe have him saying something before hand about him having to go or apologising and perhaps a short response from her aswell.) I walked to the lockers; Kaitlyn was still waiting for me.
“Sorry, sorry,” I apologized, taking some books out of my bag and throwing them carelessly inside the locker.
She smiled. “Let’s go.” I closed the locker and followed her. We had all the same classes. Now it would be Biology.
“Great,” I mumbled. Biology was my sleep class. Each time I [s]would go[/s] went into classroom number seven, I would instantly get sleepy. I entered and took my place between Lisa and Elizabeth. Lisa was wearing her usual large light jeans, with the blue jacket I gave her for her birthday last year. I smiled at her. I compared her to Elizabeth. Elizabeth had her extremely curly hair let [s]on by[/s] down to her shoulders, while Lisa's hair was tied up in a bun, like she usually wore it.
“Morning,” I said to them. They replied, (I'd add a bit more to this to show how they replied- just maybe a note to say whether they are cheerful or tired or what as from this I don't really know what the scene is like ) and I sat down, stretching my arms and laying my head on the table. [s]i[/s] I turned to Elizabeth. The teacher, Mrs. Pearson, started babbling about something I couldn’t care less about.
How monotonous.
I yawned, and the teacher turned to me and asked, “Still sleepy, Miss Summerville, are we? Well, I think fresh air will help you. Out. Be back in five minutes.” Damn woman.
“Excellent,” I whispered getting up and walking outside. That woman could really get on my nerves.
I went to the ramp. Our school is constituted by a teachers’ wing and the students’ wing. The teachers’ wing is the closest to the gate, with the parking lot and their own door that only they can use. The other side is the students’ wing. The door is turned to the street and inside, to the left, you have a ramp with steps that we use as banks and hang out spots, to the right the two stairways and lockers. I sat down; the ramp was nearly empty. There was always some students walking around the school, either they had classes or not. Sometimes, teachers couldn't come to school and they had no classes or they would simply skip them. (I'd maybe think about leaving out the last sentence and including it all in the one before it, perhaps something like 'There were always some students walking around school, either because their teacher hadn't shown up or they were simply skipping lessons.' to make it a bit simpler to read and clearer.)
“The perfect way to start the week.” I looked at my watch. It had only been three minutes. My phone vibrated and I took it out. It was a call, from my mother.
“Hey,” I answered. My mother never remembered my school timetable, even though the breaks were always the same, through the years.
“Hi. Are you in class?” I should be.
“Nah, the teacher is running a bit late,” I lied. “So, what’s up?”
“I forgot to tell you, but aunt Jasmine called last Saturday saying your cousin Stephanie is starting at your school today. I was wondering if you could give her a hand.”
“Yeah, sure, no problem. Bye!” (The bye here sounded a bit sudden to me, I'd maybe finish off the conversation a bit less so. Maybe she could ask if that was all she wanted or say she would see her when she got back home? Something like that might make the conversation seem a bit more realistic )
“Bye. Have a good day!”
I put the phone back where it always was. (Do you mean her pocket? I'd maybe just say that here instead.) [s]I'm[/s] I was glad my school didn't had certain limitations, like no phones, no music players, no laptops. I knocked on the door (You've skipped a bit here as I didn't know she was going back into the classroom. I'd maybe mention something about deciding to go back to show which door you mean.) and open[s]ing[/s]ed it almost instantly. “May I, Mrs. Pearson?” I was not happy to be [s]turning[/s] coming back, but I have to keep up appearances, have good grades and be a good student. For my computer, phone, and allowance’s sake.
“Are you awake?”
I nodded quickly, and she signed at me me to get in. I closed the door behind me and sat back at my place, leaning back in my chair. She could [s]put[/s] send me out as much as she wanted, but [s]I’ll[/s] I'd never be able to pay attention.
“Open your exercise[s]s[/s] book, on page 87, and do exercises three, four, five and six,” Mrs. Pearson ordered. I got my things out of my bag, my Agatha Ruiz de la Prada note book, my pencil case and the exercise book and manual.
I sighed and started resolving the exercises. I stopped, and ripped out a piece of paper from my note book.
Guess who transferred here?
I passed it to Lisa, to pass it to Kaitlyn. A couple of minutes later, the paper arrived back.
Who?
Stephanie, my cousin. I replied. Do you remember her?
The blonde? She asked.
Yeah.
Yes =D Nothing more to say, she put a smiley. So Kaitlyn like.
I finished up the exercises, just after Kaitlyn, with some secret help from the manual.
We proceeded to correct them, [s]and[/s] but I only participated once or twice. I leaned back on my chair throughout the whole class, hoping time would pass promptly (I don't know if this is the best word to sue as promptly means on time, so maybe something like quickly would be better?).
Soon enough, the bell rang, just after we started [s]the[/s] revision[s]s[/s] on plants. Hurray. We had just finished up genetic continuity.
I was planning on asking Kaitlyn to come and check on Steph with me, but as I walked out the door to follow her, someone grabbed my arm.
“Oh, Max,” I had forgotten. He could come with me, right? “Would you mind coming with me? My cousin just got to this school and I’ve got to check on her.”
“I’m always at your service, ma’am.” Sarcastic lines (I can't really imagine this expression that much as I haven't really heard of sarcastic lines, I think you could maybe change the description a little to show a bit more clearly what you mean. Maybe he smiles mockingly or another sarcastic expression like that that is more commonly shown?) formed around his mouth.
I stopped and made a face that said stop-mocking-me. “I don’t know what class she's in. She’s my age, so we’ll search around, ‘kay?”
“I have a quicker method.” He stopped and greeted some guy from the basketball team, doing a freakish handshake. “Do you know a girl named…” He turned to me.
“Stephanie Manson.”
“That,” he said to the guy.
“The new hot blonde?” I rolled my eyes.
“Sure.”
“I saw her with… Marcy Chambell, a few minutes ago.”
“Marcy?” I croaked. Oh God! That’s bad, really bad.
I grabbed Max and dragged him out the door. “We have to find her!”
“Calm down. It can’t be that bad,” he tried to comfort me.
I started hyperventilating. My mother said to watch her, not to give her to the queen [s]of the[/s] bee[s]s[/s]! (I don't know if this is the phrase you meant to put but I think it might work well here ) I glanced at my surroundings; people, faces, passing by. I spotted a blonde shower of shining hair, and I wished deeply it was her. I sympathized with my cousin, she was a good girl. I could not just stand by and watch her turn into… one of them!
I [s]was[/s] had actually been happy. [s]i[/s]It was a good day; good weather. Until Steph walked in, making sudden problems appear. (Wasn't it bad before this as she was worrying about her? Maybe instead saying it had been a good day until she had found out about her cousin being with Marcy would make more sense, then going on to say they were walking towards them.) I hadn't faced Marcy in a long time.
I ran to her, feeling the sun kiss my skin, (Is she outside now? I didn't know this before so I'd maybe mention it.) and Max followed me [s]with[/s] at his normal pace. He knew my madness and my scorn for girls like Marcy. Her blindness blinded me. How could she only have thoughts [s]to[/s] about shopping, make up and hairstyles? If she could put some of her mind into it seriously, she could make a carrier out of her superficial likes. (I don't know if it's just me but I don't really understand what you mean here )
“Steph!” I called, sounding more cheerful than I meant it to be. She turned to me. Her bright blue eyes had stayed the same. The first thing that would usually pop [s]on[/s] into my mind when I would see her was innocence. My cousin was extremely shy. This time, Marcy’s image was on my mind laughing evilly.
Steph had a shining gloss on her lips, and green eye shadow, which could be noticed from a big distance. This wasn’t like her at all. Stephanie was very easily influenced. That side of her has cost many friendships while growing up.
“Casey!” She appeared happy to see me. Lily joined sides with Marcy, appearing out of no where. She probably thought Marcy would need support in case I'd decided to rip her face apart. They didn’t have anything particular against me. The only time Marcy bothered me directly was when she had a crush on Max, and thought we two hung out too much. She just wasn’t my biggest fan, not that I had any. For crying out loud, Max was just my best friend!
“How have you been?” I asked her. “Have you blended in?” I glanced behind her shoulder to Marcy, Lily and Sheridan, who had just joined the party.
She nodded. “Yeah, I’m going to cheerleader try outs tomorrow,” she announced, proudly. My mouth opened a bit, but Max grabbed my arm and took me a few steps away.
“Ha[s]ve[/s]s it crossed your mind that they are just being friendly? Nice, even?”
“Nice?” I choked on my own words. “No way in Hell,” I mumbled.
“Come on! They are not that bad, Casey.”
I stared at him. With that expression, how could I resist? His eyes were sparkling so much, it reminded me of when he was eight. He was just so blind that it frustrated me.
“Fine.”
[s]h[/s]His eyes brought up a particular memory. it was about a week after Christmas, and I had returned from my trip to see my grandparents. I had missed him, and so I dropped by his place, in the afternoon. He was overly exited about a present he had received: an aeroplane. I remember hearing him laugh, while twirling it around. (Is this what you meant when you said it reminded her of when he was eight? It was a bit confusing in how you separated these details so I'd maybe move the part about it reminding her about when he was eight to here so it ties in with the story )
I walked [s]over[/s] back over to my cousin. “Hope you have fun!” I was walking away when Steph called me back.
“Will you be there, Casey?” I glanced between her and Max’s face.
I smiled falsely, “Sure. I’ll be there to support you.”
My steps were angry, determined and quick. [s]Did[/s] Had I just delivered my cousin to the cheerleaders? She seemed kind of happy, even if I didn’t want to admit it.
God! Well, if it makes her happy, I guess I can't help it.
“I have to go,” Max announced, catching up with me.
“Okay. Do you have practice?”
“Yeah, three o’clock.”
“I’ll be there!” He was already running off to his pals. It was not as if I could take him away every time I wanted to- he had other friends.
I had no idea what to do with the rest of the break, but luckily I ran into Lisa. Lisa had the strange habit of in every break tak[s]e[/s]ing turns around the school. Just walking [s]on[/s] at a very slow pace, talking. All fifteen minutes, just watching and wondering. I joined her, and we took a round. We passed by the basketball team spot, and I saw Kaitlyn sitting with Todd.
I wasn’t sure if I should approach her for two reasons: one, she was with Todd. They might want privacy. But on the other hand, they were in the middle of the basketball team spot, surrounded by people. That leads [s]us[/s] me to point two: basketball players’ ground was shaky and fearful. (I understand what you mean, but I think you could phrase it a bit better as it can read a little confusingly. Perhaps saying that others were not generally welcome there or saying that the grounds made her feel shaky and fearful it would be a bit clearer?) I avoided it like the plague or pistachios, which I hate by the way.
She waved at me, giving me the sign to go to her. I dragged Lisa along with me.
“Hey!”
“Hi,” I said, taking a few glimpses of the jocks around me. Shaky grounds. (The same really here, maybe saying 'I was on shaky ground' would be better?)
“Guys, this is my best friend, Casey.” The atmosphere changed abruptly. I bet friends of Kaitlyn were friends of the team, since she was now dating the captain.
“Hey Casey,” they said, almost in unison, making me chill ('go cold' is a more commonly used phrase that might work instead of 'chill' here.).
“Hi.” My right hand waved slowly close to my chest. A gesture I always made when I met new people [s]and I would be[/s] and I was either frightened or embarrassed. I believed I was both, at the moment.
“That’s Daniel, Mario, and John; John’s girlfriend Shannon, Riley, Jason and Edwin.”
They all took their turn to shake my hand, and I have to admit they were kind of nice. Shannon was the last one.
“It looks scary, I know. Before Kaitlyn was here, it was horrifying, being the only girl in the middle of the team. Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.” But I wasn’t a part of the team, [s]not[/s] I wasn't dating any of them.
“Hey, Casey, you okay?” Max asked, stepping forward with the football team behind him. Teams always follow the captain.
Uh-oh. Trouble.

Overall: I did enjoy this piece and how your story is developing! All I would advise really is extending upon imagery in general. Not just with what the scene looks like but how it sounds and feels and smells and everything like that. You could add more to the expressions of the characters and how they stand and talk to show how they feel and what sort of relationship they have with Casey- for instance when Max leaves her and says goodbye he could flash her a grin and give a little half wave as he walks off to show how close they are. Or when Marcy is standing in the background she could have her arms crossed tightly across her chest with her eyes narrowed slightly as she looks Casey up and down to show the hostility between them. I noticed there were a few places where I think the story may have benefited from this sort of thing

I also thought that at some point you skipped over some bits of action- like when she goes outside to meet her cousin or when she walks back to the classroom to go in. I think you don't need much on areas such as these but just something short that gives a little description would fit in well so the reader doesn't feel like you have jumped from one part to another. I didn't notice this a lot just a couple of times. I think though that it's also a good idea to avoid using words like 'went' and 'got' as I mentioned before when showing these actions as they don't really show much with how they are performed.

In general I am enjoying your story so far! I like the cliffhanger you left it on too Hope to read more soon! All my comments are just suggestions and I hope I've helped