Young Writers Society

AN: This is the prologue for Past the Horizon. It's the story of Phoebe and Henry, and how they mature over a year due to their adventures, problems, etc. (hence the title). I don't know where it came from or what it is, so right now it's the prologue. Have fun and rip to shreds!

It was the summer of love
It was the season of hate
It was the spell of growing
It was the suspicion of fate



It was the beginning of hope
It was the bellow of laughter
It was the basket of the precious moments
That we are after



It was the flowing of tears
It was the fatality of mourning
It was the inflammation of dread as the
School year nears



It was the summer of magic
It was the season of reality
It was the spell of maturing
It was the suspicion of fantasy



But most of all
It was the summer of friends
And of the line of treasured memories
That never ends

<<Intrigued....

If you hadn't explained what it was about I would be dying with curiosity.

When I read it straight from the forum it did something weird with the lines--I was going to comment on something that bugged me, but it just happened to be a mishap with Internet Explorer. When I pulled this up and scrolled down to look at the post again it was all fixed.

So, no nit-picks...

(unless you meant to put punctuation...but I don't figure so... )

Edit: Oh, and it works awesome as a prologue, or possibly a back cover blurb.

Ooh! I'm intrigued as well!

Did you mean to not punctuate, though? That bothered me- just a bit.

I really liked the idea of using a poem-sort-thing as your prologue. It could go in the back as a preview, as well (as commented above).

I think it flowed pretty nicely. The ending was my favorite.

I will say that it drew out a little long to where I couldn't remember what I'd read just a few, mere seconds ago. Just noting.


I can't wait to see your chapters!


Love,
Music

Oh dear, you have gotten a fan! I certainly looking forward to your futrue chapters.

This was kind of funny, but I thought I was going crazy when I first opened this. I just came from the poetry forums and I opened this and I swore that I was still in there. I am not quite sure how I would critique this. It is incredibly unique and facinating.

A comment I noticed as I read was that did you purposefully avoid punctuation or did you forget about it? I got fairly confused because I am a punctuation freak at there was no commas or punctuation. If you need a comment on punctuation, I believe most of it could end in a period? I do have a comment to make on this though!

It was the inflammation of dread as the
School year nears

I do not think you need a break there. For some odd reason it just doesn't work with me. It doesn't seem right. I think you would be better off without the break.

It flows really well, and I was surprised at how well it rhymed. Are you usually a poet? I am not in that forum often because of my illiteracy with poems. Don't bother to ask why I was in there. I found it creative and I certainly love the beginning with how you said a positive point then a negative. That made the reader wish to read on and figure out truly what the rest of the story was about.

The ending was spectacular. I really did like it. It was a very good way to get the readers attention and make them read on. It was an ingenious idea for a prologue because it was a lot less dull than actual stories and sentences describing such. The poem is a subtle way to get their attention.

Another comment I have to make is on this:

It was the suspicion of fantasy

When I read this I certainly think that suspicion is a bad thing, and fantasy is a good thing so it is hard in my books to think of that sentence. I believe it would be better if you made it fully a negative then a positive. But that actually is just me trying to find something to comment on, so you don't really have to listen.

There was no grammatical errors that I can tell.

Overall, I really like this and I probably sound like a broken record by now. Would you mind telling me if you are going to put the chapters up anytime soon? You can be guarenteed that I will be there.

~Incognito