Like Stars

"Now here," i said
Like this
My breath didn't echo in the dark, not lonely
We were cold, but full and real and tangible

And happy.
You don't always make me happy, but
Tonight I am
Happy.

Travel
First from the top of the world,
Where you can watch the field of orange fairies
Static, but alive
To the great wall where there are only two
Hanging from great untrembling stems,
Spilling that amber glow I always loved.

The blue through the trees turned skin to stone,
Though my eyes were closed against it anyway and
The leaves had given all their green to your irises.
Wasted, because your eyes were just as closed as mine.
"Listen" you said, though you didn't speak at all
And I listened to us, how the words seemed redundant
We don't need anything more but this
Here.

The stone wasn't cold, though my teeth were chattering in my mouth
I spoke it but I couldn't care
My fingertips were gone, but I'd already started noticing things like that differently
Who would notice hands when there was the sky?

Thank you

Not glued, like sticky sweetie people
Together, side by side, touching.
I could make a list,
of hair and eyes and skin and lips
But we can save that for later
For now lets talk about the stars.
We couldn't see them,
But with you with me I could feel them
Fairies and stars and you are all I need tonight.

We are not one.
One, matted clouds eating the sky
Like grey, if grey was the colour of boredom this time,
but it's not.
One is alone. Singular. Dull.
We are Two
Pulling in opposite directions, or the same
Making something no one has ever seen before
And they'll never see us again
Just thousands like us,
but not quite.

I am not here because I am part of you, welded or tied
I am not a half

I am whole, pieces connected and chips shattered and loose
and I want you


---

like...third draft?

I know the language is plain, Carol Ann Duffy is rubbing off on me.

I'm not sure.

Any comments at all appreciated.

this is really good. It doesn't really matter that the language is kind of plain, because you utilize it so well

The blue through the trees turned skin to stone,

Though my eyes were closed against it anyway and

The leaves had given all their green to your irises.

Wasted, because your eyes were just as closed as mine.

"Listen" you said, though you didn't speak at all

And I listened to us, how the words seemed redundant

We don't need anything more but this

Here.

^^^favorite stanza

that....was......TOTALLY WICKED! I absolutely loved it! Now that is what I call a poem! Descripton after description! You made me feel as if I was in the narrators shoes!(which was you, right?) It was unbelievable and amazingly awesome! Guitargrl's favorite stanza is my favorite stanza because it has more description than any other. Well, to me anyway. Very good! Keep writing

thank you =3


just a question though, what do you think orange fairies are? I wonder if anyone gets it right...


and yes I'm the narrator, this is sort of...autobiographical? A night i will always remember <3

very nice. artful and purposeful, it basically has most of the things i look for in a poem. there were times when your vocabulary could have used some tweaking, but it's pretty minor. i'm not one to nitpick. the overall feel of this poem is nice good job, scribblingquill. you will go far.

-zalarus