Poison Love Chapter 4

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Chapter Four

While I waited for Odette to come home, I busied myself by alternating reading my book and cleaning my room. My room was decorated with dark colors such as purple and black. My family really didn’t like the colors at first, but the more and more they saw that it matched my moods and me, they eventually grew to accept it. At this moment, I was lying on my bed. The book was named Twilight by Stephenie Meyer and I found it interesting on how she portrayed us. There was a knock on the door.

“Come in,” I said as I put the book down. The door opened to revealed Odette, the mother figure of our family. She was a petite blonde woman and she was dress in a nurse’s scrubs.

“Adelicia said that you want to see me, Cherie,” she said as she fully stepped into the room.

“Have you seen Landon yet?” I asked as I stood up. I walked over to her and reached behind, closing the door.

“No, Cherie,” she said in her French accent. After I was changed, Landon and I took a tour of the world. We came across Odette when we were in France. She was dying from childbirth and Landon had saved her. I sighed.

“We are going to have a guest in a couple of weeks,” I said as I looked at my nails.

“A guest, but who?” she asked

“Someone sent by council,” I replied as I went to my desk chair. I sat down in it and looked at her.

“Ummm…” she said as she leaned against the door. She knew that the council was pressuring me into things.

“What do they want you to do?” she asked.

“Take the guy they are sending over here as my mate,” I answered. Her eyes widened in surprise at the statement.

“Even if you don’t love him?” she asked.

“Yes, even if I don’t love him,” I echoed. She sighed.

“Have you told the others?” she asked.

“No, I thought you deserve to know before they did,” I said as I stood up.

“I appreciated you telling me before them. Come on, I’ll let you help me make dinner tonight,” Odette said as she wrapped an arm around me. Together we left the room and went downstairs to make dinner. We walked into the kitchen and pull some raw meat form the icebox. I took some of the blood wine that we had and poured it over the meat to soak for a while.

“So, other than that, have you had a good day?” Odette asked as she leaned against the counter, head tilted to the side

“Yeah,” I said. Then I blurted out, “What did you feel when you first looked at Landon like a mate?” She raised an eyebrow, and I blushed with embarrassment for asking a personal question. I mean I wanted to know what emotion she felt when she first saw Landon and compare to the one I felt when I first saw Adam. I knew that there was lust, but there was something else too.

“When I first looked upon Landon after my rebirth, I saw a dark angel who had rescue me from the cold sleep,” Odette said. Landon walked into the conversation from the shadows. I squeaked when he appear, never getting use to him popping out anywhere.

“And when I saw Odette, I knew I had found my mate,” Landon said as he kissed Odette on the mouth. I looked at them and I can oblivious see the love radiated off them.

“How long have you been there?” I asked him, leaning a hip against the counter.

“Long enough,” he said as he raised his head and looked at me. “Have you told her about the council?”

“I have and I plan to tell everyone else at dinner,” I said. I got the grilling pan and sat it on the stove. I turned on the stove and waited for the pan to heat. A moment later, I put the meat on the pan and seared it. Odette and Landon finally parted.

“Help Elizabeth make dinner. We can continue tonight,” Landon said as he kissed her once more and then let her go. He walked out of the kitchen. Odette busied around the kitchen as I seared the meat. After a couple of minutes, I pulled the meat off and let it rest.

“Should we fix anything with the meat?” She asked

“Nah. I think the meat will be just fine on it’s own,” I said as I began to cutting up the meat. Odette got out the plates and I began to plate it. Odette sent a message to the others that dinner was ready via mind. We took the plates out to the table and set the table. I quickly walked back into the kitchen and grabbed the blood wine.

Everyone began to file into the dining room. Landon sat down at the head of the table. Odette sat next to him on the right and then I took a seat next to her. Avery and Claiborne sat next to Landon on the left. Adelicia sat next to me. Her mate sat next to Avery.

“Where have you been, Ashton?” I asked the new comer as he sat down. Ashton had short black hair and dark eyes. He was dressed in a white t-shirt that stretches across he board chest and a pair of black slacks.

“Practice room,” he said.

“Oh,” I said. He and I were on the fencing team at school, so we often have extra practice here as well as school practice. We all dug into their dinner. After a couple of minute of eating, Landon got everyone attention.

“I am sorry, but I believe Elizabeth has something to tell us,” He said. Everyone turned his or her eyes on me. I sighed.

“In a couple of weeks, we are going to have a guest in the house,” I said. I took a drink.

“What type of guest?” Claiborne asked.

“One that being sent by the council,” I said.

“The council? Why are they sending someone over here?” Avery asked. Everyone voiced their ideas: to check up on us, to spy on us, and other ideas.

“No. All of your ideas are wrong,” I said.

“Oh, then you tell us why they are sending someone,” Claiborne said. I looked at her, and then looked down on my plate. Adelicia cover my hand in comfort.

“What is it?” she asked.

“The council is sending someone over to become my mate,’’ I said finally. Everyone was silent. I didn’t want to know what was going though their mind. After a couple of minutes, I couldn’t take it anymore.

“Well?” I asked them. I didn't want to go thur their minds, because I have no right to.

“Are you going to mate with him?” Adelicia asked. I shrugged my shoulders.

“Well, I’m sure you will make the right decision when the time comes,” Landon said, “ now let’s continue dinner.” I was grateful that he said that. We all continue eating until dinner was all gone.

“Who turn is it to wash the dishes tonight?” Odette asked.

“Mine and Claiborne,” Avery said as he began to stack up the plates and took them to the kitchen. I did the rest since Claiborne’s big tummy prevented her from bending over too far. She was so close to giving birth to new life.

“Thank you Elizabeth,” Claiborne said. I waved it away as I took them to the kitchen for her. She came in after me. “Elizabeth, is everything alright?” she asked. I sat the dirty dishes in the soapy water. Avery watched us from the sink.

“No, but I will be fine. Don’t worry about me,” I said as I walked to the hallway. I turned around and looked at both of them.

“Goodnight, both of you,” I said, before I went upstairs. Ashton and Adelicia were walking into their room when I passed them.

“Goodnight,” I said.

“Goodnight, Elizabeth,” Adelicia said. She laid a hand on my arm. “If you ever want to talk, I know I am here for you.” I covered her hand with my own and nodded.

“Goodnight,” Ashton said as he pulled his mate away from me, gently. He pulled her into the room and shut the door. I knew what they were going to do. I smiled. They were prefect for each other. I walked back to my room and got comfortable. I lay in my bed and looked up at the ceiling. I closed my eyes and the one thing I saw before going into a light sleep was Adam’s face.
Last edited by Night Mistress on Tue Sep 16, 2008 2:21 pm, edited 5 times in total.
"I love you," she whispered in his ear, before taking his mouth with her own.

~Elizzabeth Grey of Addicting Posion




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Ha! You totally made me laugh when I saw what she was reading. How hilarious. Twilight, of all books. *rolls eyes*
To the point, yes it was short{maybe too short for my taste} and you said you'll add more but it was to the point.
Details and description of what she thought of the book, the room and Odette. And maybe more.
Not much I can say. Sorry if this wasn't helpful. {it's how I review}
-Merry
~pm me when you add more or add chapter five.~




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Hey, Bri. I just decided to copy/paste it this time to make it easier to correct.

I know this is really short, but i planned to come back and add some more. yes, I was very disappointed when I saw the length. But I’ll just have to wait for the rest like everyone else :wink:

Chapter 4

While I waited for Odette to come home, I busied myself by alternating reading my book and cleaning my room. My room was decorated with dark color colors such as purple and black. My family really didn’t like the color colors at first, but the more and more they saw it match my moods and me. [this sentence is odd. Try something like: …but the more and more they saw that it matched my moods and me, they eventually grew to accept it. or something like that] At this moment, I was laying on my bed and my [no need for the first “my”. Just cut that out] reading my book. The book was named was [cut out this “was”] Twilight by Stephenie Meyer and I found it interesting on how she portray portrayed us. There was a knock on the door.

“Come on,” [Don’t you mean “Come in”?? I said as I put the book down. The door to revealed Odette, the mother figure of our family. [awkward beginning of this sentence. Try: The door opened to reveal Odette… or something similar to that] She was a petite blonde woman. She was dress in a nurse’s scrubs. [I would just combine these two last sentences with “and” It would make it smoother]

“Adelicia said that you want to see me, Cherie,” She [small “s” on “she”] said as she fully stepped into the room.

“Have you seen Aidan yet?” I asked as I stood up. I walked over to her and reached behind, closing the door.

“Non, Cherie,” she said in her French accent. She was from France. [No need to say that she was from France when you already say in the sentence before that she has a French accent. I would just cut out that whole sentence.] After I was change changed, Aidan and I took a tour of the world. We came across Odette when we were in France. She was dying from childbirth and Aidan had saved her. I sighed.

“We are going to have a guest in a couple of weeks,” I said as I looked at my nails.

“A guest, but who?” She [small “s” on “she”] asked

“Someone sent by council,” I replied as I went to my desk chair. I sat down in it and looked at her.

“Ummm…” she said as she leaned against the door. She knew that the council was pres pressing or pressuring] me into things.

“What do they want you to do?” she asked.

“Take the guy they are sending over here as my mate,” I answered. Her eyes widen widened in surprise at the statement.

“Even if you don’t love him?” she asked.

“Yes even if I don’t love him,” I echoed. She sighed.

“Have you told the others?” she asked.

“No, I thought you deserve to know before they did,” I said as I stood up.

“I appreciated you telling me before them. Come on, I’ll let you help me make dinner tonight,” Odette said as she wrapped an arm around me. Together we left the room and went downstairs to make dinner.

As usual, this was wonderful :D But I do think that this chapter was missing something. I’m not sure but really it was just Odette and her talking. I mean, not much to go on. So I definitely advise that you add more :wink:

But I did enjoy it. I still can’t wait to find out who this “mate” is. :D

PM me when you post more and I hope this helped.
"Woe to the man whose heart has not learned while young to hope, to love—and to put his trust in life."
~ Joseph Conrad


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I have add some more stuff to this chapter, so check it out and telling me what you think.
"I love you," she whispered in his ear, before taking his mouth with her own.

~Elizzabeth Grey of Addicting Posion




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The only problem I have with this is the you mention Twilight.

I'm sorry, but I refuse to read that book. I'm not saying it's a bad book, I just refuse to read it.

Anyway, you need to add more! You can't just leave us here hanging like this!

More more more!

Please :]

Your ideas are good and they're taking this story in a positive direction.




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andrew:

I only add the book in for a little humor. nothing more, nothing less.
"I love you," she whispered in his ear, before taking his mouth with her own.

~Elizzabeth Grey of Addicting Posion




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I laughed when you added the bit about Twilight, a good bit of humor. :lol:

I like this chapter a lot. It is a bit short and I can't wait to find out what happens in chapter 5, especially since you are just getting to the good part! *drums fingers on desk wanting to know what is going to happen*

I am not sure what but there was a little something lacking in this I thought. :? I think if you add maybe a little more detail here and there and a dash more emotion it would make this perfect. Again, that is only my opinion.

I think that's all for now...sorry I can't be of more help. You are doing a really great job though and I can't wait to read chapter 5! :) So anyway, good luck and happy writing! :D
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omsvmars22:

thanks, I will see if I can more to it.

I will pm you when I post chapter 5.
"I love you," she whispered in his ear, before taking his mouth with her own.

~Elizzabeth Grey of Addicting Posion




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Okay...so i read this and its like...the Brady bunch vampire style haha. Well not exactly but like everyone living together...and whats with the meat thing??? ewwie haha..
I like how you threw in twilight. Maybe go into a little more detail about the differences between to two types of vampires. like one sparkles, one not so much.

I love the relationship between Landon and Odette...its soo 'awhhh!!' haha

If Elizabeth and Ashton do that fencing thing, wouldn't Adam know about it? Since hes like the captain or whatever, or did i read that wrong?



“Thank you Elizabeth,” Claiborne said. I waved it away as I took them to the kitchen for her. She came in after me. “Elizabeth, is everything alright?” she asked. I sat the dirty dishes in the soapy water. Avery watched us from the sink.

Two people are talking here...split it up.


Elizabeth Depressed much? Wait, why isnt she like the mother figure since shes the oldest?

Landon there is nothing I need to add here I guess.

Adam Ow ow! haha

Claiborne whoa whoa wait here just a moment. her eggo is preggo??? Gee!! that's weird. So i see that she isnt exactly the mother figure of the coven/family but i guess that was just her maternal instincts.

Avery So he goes to school too??? i always find it creepy how vampires try to blend in...just do your own thing haha

Adelicia Again, my favorite character...kind of reminds me of Alice a bit though...hmm maybe you could make that connection when you talk about twilight. Have her think something like 'It was hard for me to continue reading though, because everytime the name Alice came up, Adelicia's face always popped up in my head.' Idk i think that would be cool.

Odette Absolutely love that name!!!! Okay, so SHE is the mother figure..yet she isn't the oldest...see how that can confuse someone. Her character is kind of like a robot. she says things like a mother would, but her actions are kind of dry. you know what i mean?

Plot Okay, it's obvious now. tug of war between new mate v. Adam. But obviously it's going to be Adam because Jasmine says so. haha. I like the plot, and the whole story. it is very different and intriguing. NICE!!!

You totally have to pm me when you post the next part up.

Hope i was somewhat helpful. And thanks for looking at Untouched for me.


--Jazz
"Sometimes the worst bad guy makes the best good guy." Nigel--Untouched




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Night Mistress-
Like I promised I'm back reviewing this very intriguing story. :wink:
I read the past chapters, to get a sense what had just happened and then I read this one.
You write so well with the love and desire floating through this story.
OMG!! OMG!! I want more. You have to write more.
This mate better be hot or I'll still be rooting for Adam. Otherwise, I'm still on Adam's side.
Oh my goodness! I can't get enough of this. Especially of the couples.
It's like you write this and then there's no more. And I'm totally mad! :evil:
Enough with my ramblings...off I go, til next time.
-Merry
~make sure you PM me. You have to. bye...~
Mary had a little lamb. Little lamb. Little lamb!

Ugh!! I really hate my name. >.<




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Hello, Bri. I'm back! :D

I just copy/pasted again cause I'm being lazy (sorry :?)


Chapter Four

While I waited for Odette to come home, I busied myself by alternating reading my book and cleaning my room. My room was decorated with dark colors such as purple and black. My family really didn’t like the colors at first, but the more and more they saw that it matched my moods and me, they eventually grew to accept it. At this moment, I was lying on my bed and reading my book. [okay, you say earlier that you are reading a book. This is kind of a repeated sentence. No need for it. Just say she picks up her book or something.] The book was named Twilight by Stephenie Meyer and I found it interesting on how she portrayed us. There was a knock on the door. [this last sentence is very random. Don't make it so abrupt. Make is smoother.]

“Come on,” I said as I put the book down. The door opened to revealed reveal Odette, the mother motherly figure of our family. She was a petite blonde woman and [s]she[/s] was dress in a nurse’s scrubs.

“Adelicia said that you want to see me, Cherie,” she said as she fully stepped "stepped fully" sounds better into the room.

“Have you seen Landon yet?” I asked as I stood up. I walked over to her and reached behind, closing the door.

“Non, Cherie,” she said in her French accent. After I was changed, Landon and I took a tour of the world. We came across Odette when we were in France. She was dying from childbirth and Landon had saved her. I sighed. [Again, this last sentence is very random. Tie more of her thoughts together here, maybe expand.]

“We are going to have a guest in a couple of weeks,” I said as I looked at my nails.

“A guest, but who?” she asked

“Someone sent by council,” I replied as I went to my desk chair. I sat down in it and looked at her.

“Ummm…” she said as she leaned against the door. She knew that the council was pressuring me into things.

“What do they want you to do?” she asked.

“Take the guy they are sending over here as my mate,” I answered. Her eyes widened in surprise at the statement.

“Even if you don’t love him?” she asked.

“Yes comma even if I don’t love him,” I echoed. She sighed.

“Have you told the others?” she asked.

“No, I thought you deserve to know before they did,” I said as I stood up.

“I appreciated you telling me before them. Come on, I’ll let you help me make dinner tonight,” Odette said as she wrapped an arm around me. Together we left the room and went downstairs to make dinner. We walked into the kitchen and pull pulled some raw meat form the icebox. I took some of the blood wine that we had and poured it over the meat to soak for a while.

“So, other than that, have you had a good day?” Odette asked as she leaned against the counter, head tilted to the side

“Yeah,” I said. Then I blurted out, “What did you feel when you first looked at Landon like a mate?” She raised an eyebrow, and I blushed with embarrassment for asking a personal question. I mean I wanted to know what emotion she felt when she first saw Landon and compare it to the one I felt when I first saw Adam. I knew that there was lust, but there was something else too.

“When I first looked upon Landon after my rebirth, I saw a dark angel who had rescue rescued me from the cold sleep,” Odette said. Landon walked into the conversation from the shadows. I squeaked when he appear appeared, never getting use to him popping out anywhere.

“And when I saw Odette, I knew I had found my mate,” Landon said as he kissed Odette on the mouth. I looked at them and I can oblivious see the love radiated off them.

“How long have you been there?” I asked him, leaning a hip against the counter.

“Long enough,” he said as he raised his head and looked at me. “Have you told her about the council?”

“I have and I plan to tell everyone else at dinner,” I said. I got the grilling pan and sat it on the stove. I turned on the stove and waited for the pan to heat. A moment later, I put the meat on the pan and seared it. Odette and Landon finally parted.

“Help Elizabeth make dinner. We can continue tonight,” Landon said as he kissed her once more and then let her go. He walked out of the kitchen. Odette busied around the kitchen as I seared the meat. After a couple of minutes, I pulled the meat off and let it rest.

“Should we fix anything with the meat?” She asked

“Nah. I think the meat will be just fine on it’s own,” I said as I began to cutting up the meat. Odette got out the plates and I began to plate it. Odette sent a message to the others that dinner was ready via mind. We took the plates out to the table and set the table. I quickly walked back into the kitchen and grabbed the blood wine.

Everyone began to file into the dining room. Landon sat down at the head of the table. Odette sat next to him on the right and then I took a seat next to her. Avery and Claiborne sat next to Landon on the left. Adelicia sat next to me. Her mate sat next to Avery.

“Where have you been, Ashton?” I asked the new comer as he sat down. Ashton had short black hair and dark eyes. He was dressed in a white t-shirt that stretches across he board chest and a pair of black slacks.

“Practice room,” he said.

“Oh,” I said. He and I were on the fencing team at school, so we often have had extra practice here as well as school practice. We all dug into their dinner. After a couple of minute of eating, Landon got everyone attention.

“I am sorry, but I believe Elizabeth has something to tell us,” He said. Everyone turned his or her eyes on me. I sighed.

“In a couple of weeks, we are going to have a guest in the house,” I said. I took a drink. [combine these two sentences like this: I said, taking a drink. It helps it flow better.]

“What type of guest?” Claiborne asked.

“One that being sent by the council,” I said.

“The council? Why are they sending someone over here?” Avery asked. Everyone voiced their ideas: to check up on us, to spy on us, and other ideas.

“No. All of your ideas are wrong,” I said.

“Oh, then you tell us why they are sending someone,” Claiborne said. I looked at her, and then looked down on my plate. Adelicia cover covered my hand in comfort.

“What is it?” she asked.

“The council is sending someone over to become my mate,’’ I said finally "finally said" sounds better. Everyone was silent. I didn’t want to know what was going though their mind. After a couple of minutes, I couldn’t take it anymore.

“Well?” I asked them. [Wait, can't she read minds?? so wouldn't she know what was going through their heads???

“Are you going to mate with him?” Adelicia asked. I shrugged my shoulders.

“Well, I’m sure you will make the right decision when the time comes,” Landon said, “ now let’s continue dinner.” I was grateful that he said that. We all continue eating until dinner was all gone.

“Who turn is it to wash the dishes tonight?” Odette asked.

“Mine and Claiborne,” Avery said as he began to stack up the plates and took them to the kitchen. I did the rest since Claiborne’s big tummy prevented her from bending over too far. She was so close to giving birth to new life.

“Thank you Elizabeth,” Claiborne said. I waved it away as I took them to the kitchen for her. She came in after me. “Elizabeth, is everything alright?” she asked. I sat the dirty dishes in the soapy water. Avery watched us from the sink.

“No, but I will be fine. Don’t worry about me,” I said as I walked to the hallway. I turned around and looked at both of them.

“Goodnight, both of you,” I said, before I went upstairs. Ashton and Adelicia were walking into their room when I passed them.

“Goodnight,” I said.

“Goodnight, Elizabeth,” Adelicia said. She laid a hand on my arm. “If you ever want to talk, [s]I[/s] know I am here for you.” I covered her hand with my own and nodded.

“Goodnight,” Ashton said as he pulled his mate gently away from me, [s]gently[/s]. He pulled her into the room and shut the door. I knew what they were going to do. I smiled. They were prefect for each other. I walked back to my room and got comfortable. I lay in my bed and looked up at the ceiling. I closed my eyes and the one thing I saw before going into a light sleep was Adam’s face.

Wow, so much better, Bri. Serioulsy. This flowed so much better. My only advise would be to watch the "telling" you do. I noticed a lot of "he did and I do" and stuff like that. Try to make that a minimum.

Other than that, beautifully done. I look forward to more! :D
"Woe to the man whose heart has not learned while young to hope, to love—and to put his trust in life."
~ Joseph Conrad


"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life."
~ Red Auerbach




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thanks guys.
"I love you," she whispered in his ear, before taking his mouth with her own.

~Elizzabeth Grey of Addicting Posion




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Chapter Four


While I waited for Odette to come home, I busied myself by alternating reading my book and cleaning my room. My room was decorated with dark colors such as I don't like the use of the words such as here. I'd just have:

My room was decorated with dark colors, purple and black.
purple and black. My family really didn’t like the colors at first, but the more and more they saw that it matched my moods and me, they eventually grew to accept it. At this moment, I was lying on my bed. Personally I'd change this to:

I was lying on my bed; reading Twilight by Stephenie Meyer, I found it interesting, how she portrayed us.


The book was named Twilight by Stephenie Meyer and I found it interesting on how she portrayed us. There was a knock on the door.


“Come in,” I said as I put the book down. The door opened to revealed reveal not revealed. Odette, the mother figure of our family. She was a petite blonde woman and she was dress in a nurse’s scrubs.
I'd have:
She was a petite blonde woman, dressed in nurse's scrubs.



“Adelicia said that you want to see me, Cherie,” she said as she fully stepped into the room.


“Have you seen Landon yet?” I asked as I stood up. I walked over to her and reached behind, closing the door.


“No, Cherie,” she said in her French accent. After I was changed, Landon and I took a tour of the world. We came across Odette when we were in France. She was dying from childbirth and Landon had saved her. I sighed.


“We are going to have a guest in a couple of weeks,” I said as I looked at my nails.


“A guest, but who?” she asked


“Someone sent by council,” I replied as I went to my desk chair. I sat down in it and looked at her.


“Ummm…” she said as she leaned against the door. She knew that the council was pressuring me into things.


“What do they want you to do?” she asked.


“Take the guy they are sending over here as my mate,” I answered. Her eyes widened in surprise at the statement.


“Even if you don’t love him?” she asked.


“Yes, even if I don’t love him,” I echoed. She sighed.


“Have you told the others?” she asked.


“No, I thought you deserved to know before they did,” I said as I stood up.


“I appreciated you telling me before them. Come on, I’ll let you help me make dinner tonight,” Odette said as she wrapped an arm around me. Together we left the room and went downstairs to make dinner. We walked into the kitchen and pulled some raw meat form the icebox. I took some of the blood wine that we had and poured it over the meat to soak for a while.


“So, other than that, have you had a good day?” Odette asked as she leaned against the counter, head tilted to the side


“Yeah,” I said. Then I blurted out, “What did you feel when you first looked at Landon like a mate?” She raised an eyebrow, and I blushed with embarrassment for asking a personal question. I mean I wanted to know what emotion she felt when she first saw Landon and compare to the one I felt when I first saw Adam. I knew that there was lust, but there was something else too.


“When I first looked upon Landon after my rebirth, I saw a dark angel who had rescued me from the cold sleep,” Odette said. Landon walked into the conversation from the shadows. I squeaked when he appear, never getting use to him popping out anywhere.


“And when I saw Odette, I knew I had found my mate,” Landon said as he kissed Odette on the mouth. I looked at them and I can oblivious see the love radiated off them. The last sentence doesn't make sense, how about:

I looked at them, seeing the obvious love radiating off them.



“How long have you been there?” I asked him, leaning a hip against the counter.


“Long enough,” he said as he raised his head and looked at me. “Have you told her about the council?”


“I have and I plan to tell everyone else at dinner,” I said. I got the grilling pan and sat it on the stove. I turned on the stove and waited for the pan to heat. A moment later, I put the meat on the pan and seared it. Odette and Landon finally parted.


“Help Elizabeth make dinner. We can continue tonight,” Landon said as he kissed her once more and then let her go. He walked out of the kitchen. Odette busied around the kitchen as I seared the meat. After a couple of minutes, I pulled the meat off and let it rest.


“Should we fix anything with the meat?” She asked


“Nah. I think the meat will be just fine on it’s no need for an apostrophe as it's a possessive. own,” I said as I began to cutting up the meat. Odette got out the plates and I began to plate it. Odette sent a message to the others that dinner was ready via mind. This would read better:

Odette sent a message via mind that dinner was ready

We took the plates out to the table and set the table. I quickly walked back into the kitchen and grabbed the blood wine.


Everyone began to file into the dining room. Landon sat down at the head of the table. Odette sat next to him on the right and then I took a seat next to her. Avery and Claiborne sat next to Landon on the left. Adelicia sat next to me. Her mate sat next to Avery.


“Where have you been, Ashton?” I asked the new comer as he sat down. Ashton had short black hair and dark eyes. He was dressed in a white t-shirt that stretches stretched. across he his board broad chest and a pair of black slacks.


“Practice room,” he said.


“Oh,” I said. He and I were on the fencing team at school, so we often have extra practice here as well as school practice. We all dug into their dinner. After a couple of minute of eating, Landon got everyone attention.


“I am sorry, but I believe Elizabeth has something to tell us,” He said. Everyone turned his or her eyes on me. I sighed.


“In a couple of weeks, we are going to have a guest in the house,” I said. I took a drink.


“What type of guest?” Claiborne asked.


“One that is being sent by the council,” I said.


“The council? Why are they sending someone over here?” Avery asked. Everyone voiced their ideas: to check up on us, to spy on us, and other ideas.


“No. All of your ideas are wrong,” I said.


“Oh, then you tell us why they are sending someone,” Claiborne said. I looked at her, and then looked down on my plate. Adelicia cover my hand in comfort.


“What is it?” she asked.


“The council is are sending someone over to become my mate,’’ I said finally. Everyone was silent. I didn’t want to know what was going though their mind. After a couple of minutes, I couldn’t take it anymore.


“Well?” I asked them. I didn't want to go thur through their minds, because I have had no right to.


“Are you going to mate with him?” Adelicia asked. I shrugged my shoulders.


“Well, I’m sure you will make the right decision when the time comes,” Landon said, “ now let’s continue dinner.” I was grateful that he said that. We all continued eating until dinner was all gone.


“Who's turn is it to wash the dishes tonight?” Odette asked.


“Mine and Claiborne,” Avery said as he began to stack up the plates and took them to the kitchen. I did the rest since Claiborne’s big tummy prevented her from bending over too far. She was so close to giving birth to new life.


“Thank you Elizabeth,” Claiborne said. I waved it away as I took them to the kitchen for her. She came in after me. “Elizabeth, is everything alright?” she asked. I sat the dirty dishes in the soapy water. Avery watched us from the sink.


“No, but I will be fine. Don’t worry about me,” I said as I walked to the hallway. I turned around and looked at both of them.


“Goodnight, both of you,” I said, before I went upstairs. Ashton and Adelicia were walking into their room when I passed them.


“Goodnight,” I said.


“Goodnight, Elizabeth,” Adelicia said. She laid a hand on my arm. “If you ever want to talk, INo need for I here know I am here for you.” I covered her hand with my own and nodded.


“Goodnight,” Ashton said as he pulled his mate away from me, gently. He pulled her into the room and shut the door. I knew what they were going to do. I smiled. They were prefect perfect. for each other. I walked back to my room and got comfortable. I lay in my bed and looked up at the ceiling. I closed my eyes and the one thing I saw before going into a light sleep was Adam’s face.

[u]I feel that your strongest point in this story is going to be dialogue and characterization. The dialogue is coming along very. well. It's getting better and better as it goes on. What' s more you've not copied Twilight. This is not a copy of Twilight at all, completely different. And for that I applaud you.

-Kirsten xxx
for what are we without words and stories?




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Once again, very addicting! Well done! And I love how you mentioned Twilight, very inventive!

My room was decorated with dark colors such as purple and black.

My room was decorated with the dark colors of purple and black to match my moods. My family hated the colors at first, but grew to accept their equality to my manner.

The book was named Twilight by Stephenie Meyer and I found it interesting on how she portrayed us.

The book was Twilight, a story written by Stephenie Meyer about vampires. I found her portrayal of our kind intriguing.

“Come in,” I said as I put the book down. The door opened to revealed Odette, the mother figure of our family. She was a petite blonde woman and she was dress in a nurse’s scrubs.


The door opened to REVEAL no (ed). She was dressED (ed) this time.


“Adelicia said that you want to see me, Cherie,” she said as she fully stepped into the room.

Want(ED) Watch this!

“I appreciated you telling me before them.

I Appreciate no (ED)!

“Yeah,” I said. Then I blurted out, “What did you feel when you first looked at Landon like a mate?” She raised an eyebrow, and I blushed with embarrassment for asking a personal question. I mean I wanted to know what emotion she felt when she first saw Landon and compare to the one I felt when I first saw Adam. I knew that there was lust, but there was something else too.


What did you feel when you first looked at Landon? Leave out mate-because Adam isn't your mate-not yet anyway if you're comparing them. And from the "I mean" part on have it italicized so we know its her thoughts.

“When I first looked upon Landon after my rebirth, I saw a dark angel who had rescue me from the cold sleep,” Odette said. Landon walked into the conversation from the shadows. I squeaked when he appear, never getting use to him popping out anywhere.

Rescue (D)
Appear (ED)

“And when I saw Odette, I knew I had found my mate,” Landon said as he kissed Odette on the mouth. I looked at them and I can oblivious see the love radiated off them.

Not oblivious-obviously
The ship is anchor'd safe and sound, its voyage closed and done,
From fearful trip the victor ship comes in with object won;



Life's short; smile while you still have teeth.
— Tuesday