One Step Closer Chapter 1 part 2

September 5, 4:15PM: My first day of high school went really well, actually. They have a special writing system just for me. So I can read, write, and do homework in braille. At lunch, I was given, as someone told me, pizza with a side of apple slices with chocolate milk. I made some friends at school. Some of them have my classes and some I know from lunch. One of these friends is Jenny. Unfortunatly, I could not see her. So, she told me what she looked like. She had strawberry blonde hair that go to her waist and has green eyes with thick rimmed glasses. I don't have to do PE, so it got replaced with studyhall. She has first, third, study hall, and sixth period with me. I did most of my homework during studyhall. I'll catch you later!

I closed my blog. I decided to read for a little bit.

I finally went down to get dinner. After dinner, I went to take a shower and to brush my teeth. I got into my pajama's and got into bed. I dreamt of following my dreams and me breaking through the walls of hatred, pain, and misery. I smiled.

Howdy there!

Just a few nitpicks

I think you mean doctor. Also, do you have brain surgery to cure blindness?

I called my eye docotr and told him that I don't want to be blind and that I wanted brain surgery.

Never start a sentence with 'and'.

And I aslo realized that my pillow was wet and I had snot running down my nose.

Can you not think of a synonym for said?

said, "Kat, what are you doing?" I continued singing towards the voice.

Other than that this was very good, well done!

Thanks. I just changed my errors now.

I'm sorry, but I'm not really liking this. I mean, it's a great idea and all, but it's not really researched all that well. First of all, they would not make a blind girl do gym, not to mention the fact that you aren't allowed to play dodgeball in schools anymore, but that's not the point. I have a friend who has a brittle bone disease, and she doesn't have to do gym.he still has to take the final for it, but she gets that periodas a studyhall sort thing, and I'm sure they'd do the same for a blind girl.

Also, teachers don't ev'er really make a ew student come up and introduce themselves to the class. And even if they did, I don't think it'd be like, "I'm Kat and I am blind." It's not very realistic.

You're also not really showing me the story. You're telling me step by step what is happened. Readers don't want that, they need you to paint them a picture with your writing.

This is also kinda boring me. Like, I get a feeling you were getting bored so you just rushed through it.

I'm sorry, but I just do't like it. Maybe next time you do something like this you should research it before hand. There's been writers who have researched for years before writing their book.

Keep writing.

Love and other things,
fictionfanatic

fictionfanatic, I see what you mean. I did kind of rushed this because it just became a thought and I didnt realize until now that this story didnt make sense. Thx for telling me this. I'll fix this up.