Exile's Blade (Chapter two- Truths Revealed)

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Author's note: like I said in the previous chapter, I'm not looking for any actual feedback on this because while I do plan on using at least the core group of characters, I think I'm going to file -this- version of their story away. I'm mostly curious as to people's general reactions. I don't want grammar/sentence structure things pointed out, but I'd like some thoughts about the characters, and maybe some questions for me to think about so that I can use them towards figuring out the actual story.

Also, you should probably read chapter one before reading this. Enjoy!

Chapter Two:
Truths Revealed

Thalia sat on one of the logs around the unlit campfire next to Tyren. Across from her sat Silas and Fenix, and Grim sat to the left. Thalia stared at the fire pit, trying to think of how to start off telling Grim the truth.

"My homeland, a place called Elrian, is far away from here. In Elrian, magic is not very common. Most people try to ignore the fact that it even exists, but there are others . . . who know it's there, but do not accept it, and make a point of saying so. Then, there's Nythen . . .” Thalia paused as the image of Nythen's face flashed before her in her mind. She shook her head slightly, pushing the image of the creepy old man out of her mind. "Who has . . . a twisted way of thinking when it comes to magic. So you can imagine how he reacted when he found out that not only one of the heirs to Elrian's throne has magic, but . . . two of them.”

Thalia looked up at Tyren, making eye contact with her brother. Tyren smiled softly at his sister, taking her hand into his and squeezing it tightly, as if to say it will be okay.

"Seven years ago, Nythen found out that I had magic abilities. At this point, my parents were . . . unable to do anything to stop him when he exiled me. I knew I had to stay as close as I could, though, so I did. When I heard that things were getting worse in Elrian, I knew something had to be done, so I decided to find my sister. When I found Silas first, he told me that she'd been exiled,” Tyren explained, looking from Thalia to Grim.

"So that makes you . . . the prince of Elrian, and . . .” Grim looked at Thalia. "You're the princess?”

Thalia nodded, her eyes sad as she thought back to the day her brother was exiled. "I tried to do everything I could to stop Nythen from exiling Tyren, but . . . there wasn't much I could do, not without revealing that I had magic abilities, too. I knew I had to keep Nythen from finding out. Eventually, he did, and . . . well, I was exiled, too, though it was . . . partially through my own choice. All this time, I . . . thought Tyren was dead,” Thalia answered. She looked at Tyren. "I should have known better.”

There was a moment of silence before Grim spoke up again. "So that explains who Tyren is, but . . . who are the other two?”

Thalia looked away from her brother to look at Silas and Fenix. "Silas is Tyren's childhood best friend. Fenix is the captain of the Elrian guard. They were the only people I was able to trust after Tyren was exiled,” she said.

"Thalia, things are getting worse in Elrian. If something isn't done soon, there's no telling what Nythen will do. We have a responsibility,” Tyren said.

Thalia looked at her brother, surprised. "A responsibility to what, Tyren? To a kingdom that exiled us as soon as they found out we had magic abilities?”

"That wasn't the kingdom, that was Nythen,” Silas cut in.

Thalia glared at Silas. "There's a difference?”

Tyren sighed, and Thalia could feel her brother's eyes on her as she looked down as she thought about going back to Elrian. A shiver ran down her back and she shook her head slightly. "I can't,” she whispered.

"It sounds like Thalia has a decision to make,” Grim said suddenly. Thalia looked up at him in surprise. "Whatever you decide, Thalia, you know I'll be more than happy to go with you for however long you need.”

Thalia nodded. "Thank you, Grim.” She looked between her brother, Silas, and Fenix

"We'll let you think it over for a while, then. If you decide not to go back . . . we'll figure out what to do,” Tyren said.
******

The sun had finally made its appearance in the sky. Thalia sat in part of the clearing about thirty feet away from where the fire pit and others were, watching as the clouds slowly rolled by above her.

"Coin for your thoughts?”

Thalia looked up to see Tyren sitting down next to her. She smiled softly and looked away, back up at the sky.

"What did you do all this time, Tyren? You've been gone for seven years.”

Tyren followed Thalia's gaze up to the sky and sighed as though he were thinking of how to answer her. "I just . . . survived, Thalia. That's all I could do. I was still in contact with Silas after Nythen first exiled me, and he was able to get me some supplies. I found the nearest town outside of Elrian's border and was able to get myself a job in exchange for a place to stay until I could save some money. I lost contact with Silas for a few years, but when I contacted him again he told me about Nythen exiling you.”

And you used our link to find me today, Thalia thought.

Yes, Tyren replied.

"Cheater,” Thalia teased with a smile.

Tyren laughed and stood, reaching down to take both of Thalia's hands and pull her up. Once she was standing, he wrapped his arms around her in a hug.

"I've missed you, little sister,” he whispered. "I”m sorry this happened. I should have been there to stop Nythen.”

Thalia hugged him before pulling back and looking up at him. "You couldn't even stop him from exiling you. What makes you think you could have stopped him from doing it to me?”

Tyren shrugged, "I don't know. But no one gets away with sending my little sister out into the streets.”

Thalia laughed, "We're twins, Tyren. I'm hardly your little sister.”

"Yes, but I'm older by eight minutes. Don't tell me we've been separated for so long that you forgot how much I love teasing you about that.”

Thalia rolled her eyes and looked back towards the fire pit where the others were before looking back at her brother. "So do you happen to have a plan for what happens when we go back to Elrian and Nythen realizes that we're back?”

"Not quite. But you know me, I've never been one for planning things too far in advance,” Tyren replied with a grin. He then turned his head to one side as he looked at her. "So . . . does that mean you're coming with us?”

Thalia closed her eyes. The bitter exile within her told her she needed to say no, and to let her brother go on his crazy crusade against the man that was able to exile the two heirs to the Elrian throne with barely any effort without her. The sister within her who had missed her brother and was tired of not knowing where she'd be sleeping every night, though, knew that as much as she didn't like it, she did have a responsibility to her brother and to her birth right, even if she had no intention of ever taking her place on the throne.

She opened her eyes and looked at her brother, nodding. "Yes. I'm coming with you.”

******

A few hours later, the group was getting ready to leave for Elrian. Grim and Fenix had left to go to the nearest town and find some horses to buy and save traveling time.

When they returned, Thalia waited until Grim was alone getting one of the horses saddled up before walking over to him.

"Grim, I . . . wanted to apologize for not telling you the truth about who I am,” she said.

Grim finished buckling the saddle onto the horse and turned to look at her. "There's no need to apologize, Thalia. I understand why you didn't tell me.”

Thalia studied his expression for a moment before looking away. "Still . . . I know that if I had been in your position I might not have taken it so well. And . . . thank you for saying you'll come with us, even once you knew the truth,” she said.

"You're welcome.”

Thalia nodded slightly, feeling awkward. She took that moment to back away and move to the side of one of the other horses that had already been saddled. Once everyone's horses were finished being saddled, the group began riding at a slow pace, Tyren and Thalia in the lead and riding side-by-side.

"So how is it that you met Grim, anyway?” Tyren asked softly.

Thalia glanced behind her to make sure Grim was far enough behind to not hear before looking back at her brother. "He found me asleep near where he was camping,” she answered. "He offered me some food . . . I didn't tell him much about who I am, but we ended up making a deal. He would let me go along with him wherever he went and train me as a sort of apprentice in return. Why?”

Tyren shrugged, looking straight ahead with a grin. "I noticed the way you two looked at each other and how easily he said he'd come with us, is all. There's . . . nothing between you?”

Thalia followed her brother's gaze and looked straight ahead, her cheeks turning slightly pink. "He and I come from different worlds, Tyren. There's nothing between us,” she replied.

She glanced back over her shoulder to where Tyren was riding behind Fenix and Silas before looking forward again. Sometimes it felt like there was something between herself and Grim but she knew that it was nothing they could pursue even if there were something between them. They were friends, and that was all.

******

It took three days on horse to reach Elrian's border with the group stopping to get some rest every few hours. When they reached the border, Thalia looked upon the Ereth Dhain Mountains for the first time since she'd been exiled. Her heart thudded in her chest as she thought about what would likely happen the moment she and her brother returned home. Would Nythen be expecting them to do this? Who would be there when they reached the palace?

Tyren stopped his horse next to Thalia's and looked over at her. "Are you okay?”

Thalia looked at her brother. "Are you sure you want to do this?”

"We have to, Thalia. We can't let Nythen take control of the kingdom completely. If he finds out . . .” Tyren replied.

Thalia nodded. "I know. I just . . . I'm scared he's going to do something worse for coming back,” she said.

"It'll be okay, Thalia. I promise,” he said with a soft smile. "Let's go home, little sister.”




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Hey there Jedi,

Tanya here! Well, I'm not sure what to say. I didn't find anything grammar mistakes or anything.

I enjoyed the interaction between the twins, as well as the friendship between Thalia and Grim. I found that Silas and Fenix just sort of fade in the background, which characters should never do. Just throwing in a word or two really renders them useless.

Other than that, I found them an intriguing group. Not sure if you want to hear this, but I would have enjoyed a little less dialogue and a little more detail on the setting. Just my opinion, though.

I think you've created an interesting and intriguing world and plot.
Thank you for the enjoyable read.

Tanya :D




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Hi Tanya,

Thanks for your comments. :)

I found that Silas and Fenix just sort of fade in the background, which characters should never do. Just throwing in a word or two really renders them useless.


I kind of agree with you, but I think it depends on the type of character they are and the purpose they're serving. Also, the focus of this chapter was pretty much Thalia and Tyren telling Grim who they are and why Thalia has been traveling with Grim, so Felix and Silas didn't really have that much of a role to play in this chapter.

Not sure if you want to hear this, but I would have enjoyed a little less dialogue and a little more detail on the setting.


Mm, that's not entirely surprising. I've never been great at description of places and I'm better at dialogue, so I think I tend to have more dialogue than description at certain times. I'll try to work on that, though (and if I ever go back to this project I'll make sure to add more description of the setting). Thanks for your comments!



Pain is filtered in a poem so that it becomes finally, in the end, pleasure.
— Mark Strand