Willow

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Prologue
10 years ago…
Griffin’s heart swelled with admiration when his father swung the heavy axe as if it weighed nothing. Two halves of what was once a miniature log fell off the chopping block. Grom smiled at his son, flashing his yellowed teeth. He then bent down and set the two halves into the already neat pile of cut wood and placed another log on the block. He lifted the axe once more and focused his gaze on the middle of the wood. Before he could swing, however, from the corner of his eye, he saw a form running through the woods.

He swiveled to see what it was but only caught one last glance of a green robe swishing through the trees.
“Stay here, Griffin,” Grom said as he planted the axe in the block and grabbed his rifle. Three bounds took him into the trees and near a strange imprint. He bent low and felt the dirt with his fingers. The impression was not deep. It must have been a light creature. The track looked similar to that of a woman’s. Why would a woman run through the forest without shoes? His eyes rose to the trees in the direction the being had run.

A small movement caught his attention. A hand brushed the side of a trunk. It was small and delicate. Grom knew then that this was a woman. His knees cracked as he stood and moved towards the fleeting figure. Soon, he could hear light breathing. He was closing in on his quarry. His footsteps slowed and he controlled his breath. The forest stilled. Breath came in pieces. His heart raced. His surroundings became clear, his hearing caught the sound of an insect making its way along the ground. He could smell the scent of that which he chased and could feel her warmth.
Carefully, he peaked around the trunk. The breath in his throat turned cold.




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This is good, but perhaps you could give it a little suspense? It feels like you've been rushing through the whole thing.
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'Ello!

Oki doki, the point of a prologue is to create an earlier story that will eventually tie into the main story. It also sets the setting and background. I find this piece could easily turn into the beginning of a chapter as it doesn't tell your reader much. In fact, you probably won't need this prologue.

In this piece, certain places have excellent description. In others it is lacking. Sorry to say. It's too rushed, pace yourself. Slow down the pace, describe the forest. Is it dark and gloomy appearing? Or is it light, with blotches of light escaping through the canopy of leaves. If it is that time of year? Is Grom and his son at their cabin or are they chopping their wood elsewhere? Slow down a tad and describe your character's surroundings.

Also, why wouldn't a woman run through the forest barefoot? I mean I've done it. Unless of course your forest has plenty of thorn bushes covering the ground and snakes perhaps. And why wouldn't Griffin be helping his father instead of standing their gawking? When my dad saws wood, my brother or I have to pick it up. When we're with him that is.

It's interesting. You've left your readers at a nice hooking ending there. It makes me curious to know what is in the forest. Good job on that!

If you have any questions, feel free to PM me.

Toodles!

Meadow
Purple light in the canyon
that is where I long to be
With my three good companions
just my rifle, pony and me

--- "My Rifle My Pony and Me"



Why can't I put the entire Bee Movie in the quote generator? Would you prefer if I put in the Shrek script instead?
— CaptainJack